Tag: sincerity

  • (Source: http://younisd.tumblr.com/post/4211831741)

  • Hypocrisy Perfected

    They say that the fear of ridicule breeds the most repugnant of cowards. So then the most repugnant of cowards must surely breed the most despicable of hypocrites. And I fail to see how hypocrites can be happy or fulfilled people.

    I find that so many times we’re too willing to sacrifice what we want for ourselves under the guise of being martyrs for the greater good. But that greater good is rarely subscribed to by those for whom we claim to pursue it. Yet our self-pity, or is that self-destructiveness (read cowardice) prompts us along that very same path that robs us of our own peace or happiness, all the while convincing ourselves that we’re doing it to make someone dear to us happy, which should inevitably make us happy.

    But it doesn’t. Because rarely, if ever, does anyone reciprocate such sacrifices. If they do, it’s usually for someone else that they’re also trying to please or ‘make happy’ and as a result, we end up in a vicious cycle of unfulfilled aspirations of securing the love and adoration, if not at least appreciation of those we deem deserving of our sacrifices, only to discover that we’ve lost the essence of ourselves in the process while they were trying to please someone else.

    I’ve always believed that we act out of duty rather than conviction when the guilty martyr in us triumphs over our courage to be true to ourselves and just to our souls. There’s less risk in having to face the consequences of a bad decision that may leave us exposed or vulnerable, and infinitely more cowardly comfort in the knowledge that if someone betrays us, we can blame them for their dishonesty and feel justifiable pity for ourselves. Justifiable or not, that pity will never leave us feeling fulfilled, loved, or appreciated. It will leave us seeking fulfilment from others, and we will disguise that yearning as willing sacrifices for those we love, but it will never bring us any closer to being true to ourselves.

    There’s a fine line between being selfish enough to sustain our own soul’s desires, and sacrificing enough to selflessly contribute to the life experiences of others. Being human lies somewhere between being a narcissist and a martyr. And hypocrisy has no part to play at all.

  • Integrity is Dead

    Betrayal never is an easy pill to swallow, no matter how jaded I might be. The worst of it is when I find myself compelled to question every moment of sincerity that I expended in affection, admiration and respect towards those that I held in such high esteem. People, including me, often suggest that no matter the outcome, the good memories of what has been can never be taken away. I know now that that is absolute rubbish!

    Betrayal sours good memories. But worse than that, it creates doubts where there should be none, where we can’t afford to have any. Not only does it raise questions about the inherent integrity of the betrayer, but it also calls to question every instinctive judgement call I ever made. How can I trust myself to see good in others if time after time I have been proven wrong about my assumptions through the simply callous act of betrayal? How am I supposed to believe in others, see the good in them and give them the benefit of the doubt if every single time it appears that I completely missed their deceptive manipulations?

    Being trusting is so easily, and seemingly justifiably misconstrued as being naive instead. I can’t live suspiciously while maintaining a facade of sincerity. At least I choose not to. And so it seems that if I persist in staying true to myself, I risk growing old alone and isolated, with my nearest and dearest only appreciating the veneer of me, whilst being totally oblivious to the emptiness that echoes inside, waiting desperately for the arrival of one that I can embrace completely. Perhaps that shows in some subliminal way which is what scares them off due to the overwhelming expectation of true commitment and trust.

    But I can’t accept that I am alone in this want, in this desire to have a true companion. Surely every human being has a need to be understood, accepted and appreciated? If this be true, then why do others not seem to want it as much as I do? Are we all victims of our own betrayals? Too many questions, not enough answers, and certainly a scarcity of sincerity to make any responses even plausibly trustworthy.

    Like I said before, integrity is dead. Self-preservation killed it.

  • Fragile

    “I wish I could stop after looking at the facade,

    Instead of always peering at what lies beyond

    It’s that inquisitive care that I cannot subdue

    That concern for the pain that reflects in her eyes

    That draws me in to want to ease her anguish

    And leaves me ravaged when she finds her wings

    And seeks out another that only sees her facade

    So that her elaborate defences she can continue to maintain…

    Anything to protect her fragility”

  • Insincerity

    Salvation is in sincerity (Arabic calligraphy by Muhammed Zakariya)

    Salvation is in sincerity – (Arabic calligraphy by Muhammed Zakariya)

    I’m not quite sure which is worse, the insincerity of someone pretending to love, or that of someone pretending not to…the former still has the potential to create some good, because even if we develop a sense of belonging or a feeling of being needed based on a false premise, as long as its maintained, there’s good in it, and no matter how destructive the ultimate realisation of it being false, it can never eradicate the good that was already experienced while it was being experienced…whereas in the case of being insincere in pretending not to love someone, the good that already exists is being smothered, destroying both hope and souls in the process. 

  • Suicide of a Romantic

    What is it that stops us from affirming others while they’re alive, as opposed to waiting for their demise before singing their praises? Perhaps we’re afraid of being held accountable for our kind thoughts which denies us that ever convenient exit of ‘I knew it’ or ‘I told you so’ or ‘I should’ve known better’? Or maybe we lack the belief in our own virtues and would rather not have people peering so closely that they may see in us what we despise about ourselves?

    Maybe it’s just that we’re so afraid of being hurt, that we’ll do anything to prevent others from getting too close, so that we don’t ever give them a view of how much they mean to us? That would give them far too much power to hurt or manipulate us. So instead, we create our defenses and do it so well that we end up believing that how we present ourselves to others is all we have to offer.

    Heaven forbid we should live a romantic life. It is possible you know. To live a romantic life and still remain functional and practical about all life’s challenges. But it’s easier to fit in with the jaded crowds than to be true to ourselves, because the risk of failure is too great a source for potential embarrassment. POTENTIAL embarrassment. But the reality of the joy that we’ll experience if we lived romantically now will forever escape us because of our fear of embracing what we desire, lest it be stripped away from us in an untimely fashion.

    So we set ourselves up for heartache and failure, all the while pretending to be comforted by our superficial success in worldly endeavours, ensuring that not another living soul will ever see the romantic fool in us for fear of being mocked or ridiculed for that which is closest to our hearts. So fear drives us to suppress the romance, and embellish the facade so that it becomes the reality of our existence, when in fact it’s the reality of our deception. Sad, isn’t it?

  • Awesome!

    Drakensburg mountain range in KZN (South Africa)

    The only word that comes to mind when trying to describe the view I recently took in on a mountain pass through the Drakensburg range is what my 5 year old daughter used to describe every awe-inspiring thought, sight or experience she was exposed to. Awesome! What wasn’t so awesome was stepping back and looking at the litter strewn across the ground as a token of appreciation of the beauty that we have around us. Consumerism sucks. And it’s permeating our lives to the point where we’re totally oblivious to the massive imbalance between what we consume versus what we contribute.

    This balance is not only important to the environment, it’s ever more critical for our sense of well being. Trouble is, most of us have barely experienced a wholesome life style at all, so it’s almost impossible for us to realise that there’s so much missing to begin with. Stop for a minute. Try to notice something ordinary that’s extraordinary. Stop being so nonchalant about the beauty in the simple things in life so that you can appreciate it while you have the health and presence of mind to do so, rather than wait until you’re too old and feeble to enjoy it and you’re left staring at it from afar because your limbs just can’t carry you there anymore.

    Life is being wasted while we’re amusing ourselves with our own ingenuity. What we take for granted today, is almost always a source of intense regret tomorrow. Don’t be part of the crowd on this one. This is one time when standing out is not about your ego, or public image, but about enriching your life in simple yet profound ways.

    Quick hit list to be less jaded:

    1. Smell the coffee in the morning, don’t just drink it because you need a boost
    2. Close your eyes and absorb the relief you feel the next time an unexpected breeze brushes past your face, or blows through your hair (If you have no hair to blow through, then you need this more than ever!)
    3. Appreciate the quirks of your partner, and remember what attracted you to them, rather than growing irritable and annoyed at the fact that they don’t always get what you’re saying
    4. Smile at yourself, even laugh if you really did something stupid enough to warrant it. You don’t have to have it together all the time.
    5. Be human
    6. Be unpredictable
    7. Be original
    8. Be true to yourself
    9. Be sincere
    10. Be you, and stop trying to be someone you think others will like

    So back to appreciating the beauty around us. If you don’t appreciate it now, there’ll be hardly any left for your kids or your grand kids to appreciate later. Wouldn’t it be sad if all they have to remember the bounties of nature is well constructed computer animations or photos that their grand parents took back in the day?

    I’m sure ‘someone’ else will come along to pick up after me, huh?

    If you have no inclination to appreciate what beauty abounds in nature, at least do no harm to it so that those that follow will not be left with your tainted view of the world.

  • My True Worth

    I used to openly discuss my income with people close to me. It was purely an academic discussion on my part, but was often misconstrued by even my closest family members as being an indication of my views about my worth relative to their own. Too often we base the value of our self worth on how much we earn or what level of comfort and luxury we’re able to provide for ourselves and those we’re responsible for. I don’t discuss my income anymore.

    Being unemployed for almost four months now is slowly but surely eroding my self esteem and my optimism. I grapple with the idea of whether or not I’m worthy to continue to receive the mercy and blessings that I’ve had in my life despite my struggles, or have I run out of credit to claim any more from that source? I’ve felt less than inspired for a long time now to write anything, with yesterday having spawned the first post in almost a month.

    My idealism persists, but the overwhelming need for affirmation from the one I love threatens to smother her as well. I would not normally need so much affirmation because my ability to provide a comfortable home and life for those around me would provide me with the sense of significance that my soul needs. But with my resources steadily running out, and downsizing looking like a very real possibility, it’s difficult to keep focused or even productive. I’m not even sure what the point of this post is.

    Am I worthy? I hope I am. I guess if I don’t believe that I am, then there’d be very little reason for anyone else to see my worth either. There’s such a thin line between believing in yourself and being an egotist. I need to remind myself what I’m passionate about without waiting for someone else to rekindle those sparks for me. Most often no one wants to take on that responsibility because it demands that they be there to support you through the process as well. Life is too demanding and often too damaging for most of us to allow anyone the capacity to take on the burdens of another.

    My worth cannot be defined by people, because people are fickle and selfish by nature. Nor can my worth be defined by my income because that is never guaranteed, nor always consistent. My worth is not defined by my friends or my family because they’re not in a position to judge my intentions or sincerity, only my actions. So my worth can only truly be judged by the One who sustains me, and in a smaller way, by me. My sense of self worth can only be established through selfless service to those around me. Whether my contribution is appreciated or not is not what defines me. But that I contribute, sacrifice and enrich other’s lives willingly is what had always brought joy to me, and has always given me reason to sleep peacefully at night, even if spurned by those that I serve the most.

    So am I worthy? Yes, I think I am. What am I worthy of? Well, that’s a topic for another day’s philosophical musings.