Tag: ownyourshit

  • Don’t be a martyr

    Don’t be a martyr

    We act out of duty rather than conviction when the guilty martyr in us triumphs over our courage to be true to ourselves, and just to our souls.

    It is our focus on how we wish to be perceived, or how we need to meet expectations, that distracts us from our self-worth and conviction, and redirects us towards compliance aimed at earning inclusion.

    The problem is, when inclusion is claimed at such a price, we inevitably exclude peace and fulfilment from that effort.

    It is that exclusion of peace and fulfilment that leads us to believe that such sacrifices are noble in order to achieve salvation, or validation.

    What we lose sight of is that our unique contribution…our unique beauty that we are able to share with the world is also sacrificed in the process, leaving the world lacking in the very essence of what drives us towards such distractions.

    Choosing your own path does not mean exclusion. It means choosing your rules of engagement with the world around you.

    If everyone conforms to their assumptions of what is expected of them, rather than contributing what they believe to be sincere and true value, who will be the beacons of inspiration for the generations to come when the purpose of such conformance is lost in the rituals that it spawned?

  • Willingly obliged

    Willingly obliged

    This is most true for religious subscription and cultural heritage, but applies to every relationship in our life.

    Choice inspires willingness because a choice is driven by our belief in the benefit of our contribution towards others.

    Obligation inspires contempt because it is most often associated with the threat of a negative repercussion.

    What drives our choices and our sense of obligation therefore must be considered when we find ourselves growing angry at the thought of non-compliance from others, or the expectation of compliance from ourselves by others.

    It is quite possible to choose consciously to serve an obligation. But that choice must be done willingly and not under duress. Duress turns a choice into an unwilling obligation.

    Fear has a limited life span. Therefore, the moment we establish compliance with a lifestyle or behaviour through fear, we must prepare ourselves for the inevitable backlash.

    Live consciously. Love deliberately. And serve without obligation.

    Perhaps, beloved, in that lies the secret to experiencing peace in this lifetime.

  • Forever hopeful

    Forever hopeful

    Hope is born in moments when you have no reason to believe in the moment that is to follow, but something good unexpectedly lands in your lap.

    It’s born when that unexpected call changes your life for the better.

    It’s born when that stranger smiled an understanding smile in that moment that you thought the world was oblivious to your presence.

    It’s born when you wake in the morning and discover that despite your worst premonitions, you have a good day.

    Hope can be torturous when the events of your life have given you little reason to believe that the good that you experience will last for more than a fleeting moment.

    But, knowing that it’s possible for it to last beyond that brief period of joy is what makes it impossible to ignore the hope that bubbles beneath the surface.

    Hope is faith. And faith is hope.

    Both are intricately woven into the fabric of our struggles.

    When we focus on our struggles only, we lose sight of all those moments that planted the seeds of hope in our hearts so many lifetimes before the present moment.

    In forgetting, we burden ourselves with more than the burdens of life. We burden ourselves with the burden of ingratitude as well.

    Focus on hope, and faith will have your back.

  • It’s not yet time to quit

    It’s not yet time to quit

    Inspiration…if it came easily, it wouldn’t really be inspired, it would be convenient.

    It’s in those moments when everything we want to take for granted is not available that we are pushed to consider the impossible as a possibility.

    That’s when we dig really deep.

    That’s when we abandon convention.

    That’s when what we question the limits that we assumed were unconquerable, and attack it with a ferocity that reveals its irrelevance.

    Inspiration is what we discover at the end of exhaustion, when giving up is not an option.

    Don’t stop.

    Keep pushing.

    Keep believing.

    Your dream is within reach.

    Just don’t stop reaching for it.

  • Last words don’t always matter

    Last words don’t always matter

    Last words are only needed when we still care about what others think.

    Hoping to set the record straight about incorrect assumptions that someone may make of us is most often due to us still caring about their opinion of us.

    Importantly though, their opinion will only matter if they still matter to us.

    And they only matter to us if we still believe that they’re capable of being better than who they are, and we still want to influence them to be that better version of themselves.

    This is one of the roots of expectation in our relationships…often relationships that are no longer serving us well.

    And it’s this expectation or need to be influential in their lives that continues to hold us back when trying to move on from a relationship that isn’t working.

    Your self-worth is not dependent on how you are able to influence others. However, it is a reflection of your worth to them.

    Recognise this critical difference and choose dignity and self-respect before you choose to sacrifice yourself in the hope of inspiring their virtues.

    Maintaining hope that they will one day realise what they need to about themselves, without expecting them to trust your input about their potential, is one of the most effective ways to break the hold of the expectations that keep you invested in a bad relationship.

    Letting go of those expectations creates space within you to allow yourself to express to the world your virtues, rather than holding back while waiting for others to appreciate you first.

  • Every breath is hope

    Every breath is hope

    When we undermine ourselves, we empower our enemies, and like they say, the friend of my enemy is my enemy.

    So it stands to reason that that is how we become our own worst enemies.

    It’s our efforts to subdue our hope in tomorrow, that offers us protection against yet more disappointment or heartache.

    It’s also that same effort that pushes away the very blessings that we need to let go of the pain of a life in which we were never enough.

    The only reason we need to protect ourselves from that disappointment is because we still judge ourselves against the backdrop of a tainted life, and a tortured love.

    Every breath we take is a confirmation that we’re still filled with hope. Every breath is hope.

    So breathe a little deeper than before. Because it was that tainted life that stifled your breath, suffocating your hope, and distorting your vision of what the future holds.

    Breathe a little deeper, beloved. And allow that promise of hope to carry you forward in life, not to return you to what you’ve left behind.

  • More than a wish

    More than a wish

    Wishing it’s a sunny day when it’s raining is not going to make the sun come out.

    Leaving your umbrella behind is therefore an act of foolishness, not optimism.

    Optimism without evidence or action, or both, is a delusion we use to cope with an unpleasant reality.

    Wishing away reality only allows that unpleasantness to fester and gain momentum, because natural cycles that are not disrupted by deliberate action will continue to grow in strength.

    Let your optimism be based on your belief in the effectiveness of your efforts, not in wishes that have no support in becoming real.

    And faith, of course. But faith is the basis of optimism, and faith, without effort, is simply wishful thinking.

    Start by taking action, and then have faith that your action will create opportunities to achieve your goals.

    Do this, and optimism will take care of itself.

  • Be gentle…to you

    Be gentle…to you

    When you treat the vulnerable or the gentle ones with contempt, you create the same monsters that made you.

    The moment that we realise what we assume to be our nature is in fact a product of our upbringing, we’ll be able to make conscious decisions about who we want to be.

    Sometimes, we place so much emphasis on respecting our emotions that we prevent ourselves from seeking answers as to our emotional response.

    Humanness is not found in being infinitely understanding, but in balancing that understanding with decisive and purposeful action.

    Striking that balance becomes more difficult when raised on a diet of self-doubt and fear.

    That self-doubt and fear drives us towards paying forward what we may have received at the hands of similarly struggling souls.

    Mindfulness about this state is the only chance of breaking that cycle of harshness or pain.

    Be kind to yourself. Begin by seeking to understand what shaped you into who you are, so that you may be able to choose consciously who you want to be.