Tag: ownyourshit

  • Break the stigma

    Break the stigma

    We dehumanise the human when we label their emotional experience as an illness.

    The moment we attach a label to a life experience, we focus on the label and discard the merits of the experience.

    We make people invisible when we deny the reality of their experience by suggesting that there is something clinically wrong with them, despite causality of their emotional upheaval being clearly associated with their experiences in life.

    The victim readily embraces such labels because it offers hope where they feel hopeless.

    The oblivious happily embrace such labels because it demands less emotional investment, or less accountability in their efforts to uplift or support those around them.

    Our aversion to embrace the entirety of the human behind the troubled behaviour denies the victim a voice, or a claim to their painful experiences in life.

    These labels are worn with shame because it denies us our humanness and makes us a symptom.

    You cannot break the stigma of mental health by undermining the humanness of the ones affected by the stigma.

    Kill the label, kill the stigma.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Always hope

    Always hope

    When we focus on the struggles of our lives, we feel defeated.

    When we focus on the growth, we feel empowered to overcome future obstacles.

    But we’re human. We doubt ourselves and sometimes we feel entitled to peace.

    In the process, we create self-fulfilling prophecies by growing despondent when things go wrong, rather than looking for the opportunities to create something better.

    We limit our ability to overcome obstacles by telling ourselves that there is a limit to what we’re capable of dealing with.

    Rather than embracing the challenges without preempting the outcomes, we end up focusing on how close we are to that limit that we set for ourselves and then grow defensive the moment we believe things are getting too close to it.

    That’s how we prevent ourselves from trying beyond a certain point, and that’s how we grow to believe that some things are impossible to overcome.

    Sometimes, when things seem like they’re falling apart, they may just be falling into place. But when we fixate on what’s falling apart, we deny ourselves the opportunity to see how it may be contributing towards our dreams and goals that were being hindered by what we had in the first place.

    Breathe, beloved. And let faith, not fear, guide you through the storm.

  • Respectfully dishonest

    Respectfully dishonest

    This is especially true for our relationships with ourselves, more than it reflects on our relationships with others.

    We disrespect ourselves when we avoid truths that feel shameful or disappointing about who we are.

    That shame or disappointment that we feel is because we’re looking at ourselves through other people’s eyes, or at least what we think they would think of us if they knew what we’re hiding within.

    We respect ourselves when we focus on understanding rather than judging why we’re not being true to the standard that we want to live up to.

    But that standard must be our own aspiration, and not a standard defined by society or anyone else.

    Someone else may suggest or advise on what is worth pursuing, but we must adopt that as our own aspiration, with conviction, or else we’ll again judge ourselves to be a success or a failure when we exert ourselves towards achieving that goal.

    If you’re dishonest with yourself or with others, then respect is no longer part of that interaction.

    Take time to reflect and recalibrate your efforts, and leave the judgement to those who will judge regardless of your best efforts towards them.

  • Reconnect with your innate wisdom

    Reconnect with your innate wisdom

    We all have an innate wisdom that we lose sight of as the distractions of life accumulate.

    When we go out in search of answers and adopt methods that worked for someone else, we further distance ourselves from that innate wisdom.

    This distancing that occurs undermines our authenticity, and leaves us feeling at odds with life rather than comforting us.

    To reconnect with that peace that feels so elusive, we must reconnect with that innate wisdom, or else life will continue to feel like a detached experience.

    It is only in sincere conversation that truths are encountered and wisdom adopted.

    For this reason, I am not hers to teach you anything new. My sole purpose is to reconnect you with the wisdom that you already have within you.

    Reach out at zaidismail.com or WhatsApp on +27836599183.

    If you prefer, email me at info@zaidismail.com

  • Demand more…of yourself

    Demand more…of yourself

    Unless you believe that you are capable of achieving more, you will always hold on to less.

    That belief is more about feeling worthy than it is about ability.

    Sometimes, we look at how our best efforts were received and assume that the negative outcomes bear testament to the value that we have to offer.

    We then find reason to withhold our contribution in future without pausing to consider that perhaps we invested our efforts in someone who wasn’t ready to value what we shared.

    But, it’s never that simple, is it?

    Often, we continue to invest because we believe in the untapped beauty or value that we see in them.

    It is that belief that anchors us in the ‘if only’ and ‘what if’ scenarios that play out in our heads, while blinding our hearts from the beauty that awaits if only we invested our efforts more wisely.

    At such times, we must look to those who see our beauty, rather than fixating on those who deny their own.

    It’s the only way to break the cycle that diminishes our contribution towards creating joy in our lives, and in the lives of those around us.

  • Depression is not an illness

    Depression is not an illness

    I realise that this is a highly contentious point. But we must recognise the elephant in the room before we are able to deal with it.

    The myth that depression is an illness causes more harm than the good it’s intended to achieve.

    Depression is the absence of hope. Preceding that is the saturation of failed expectations from those we consider significant in our lives.

    Like happiness, depression is not a choice. But, also like happiness, depression is an outcome of the collective choices that we make.

    The more aware we are of those choices, and importantly the consequences of those choices, the more consciously we are able to make decisions to break the cycles that result from those choices.

    The moment we label a human experience as an illness or a disorder, we create victims rather than masters of our emotional experience, thereby disempowering us in our efforts to rise above the unpleasant experiences of our lives.

    Depression is not an illness. It is a legitimate human experience in response to bad experiences in life.

    When we begin to recognise this, it becomes possible to reconnect with our humanity, rather than to surrender to an imagined illness.

  • Do more than survive

    Do more than survive

    Those who respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.

    They either feel more accomplished, or they find comfort in the familiarity of your struggle.

    Sometimes it gives them purpose in their need to uplift others so that their lives feel more fulfilled.

    Whether their intentions are good or not is not what’s important. The important point is that neither prompts you to rise above being a victim.

    Those who support you in your moments of weakness or need but also encourage you to rise above it are the ones to cherish.

    Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.

    The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter! Not a survivor!

    As long as you focus on surviving, you’re still defined by the moment of your oppression, even though you may have freed yourself from it.

    Be more than the struggles of your life. It’s possible, and beautifully rewarding.

    Photo credit : Naadirah Ismail

  • Don’t sell yourself short

    Don’t sell yourself short

    When you surrender your principles in exchange for affection, you give others permission to demand compromises rather than create understanding.

    Worse than this, when you make such a compromise, you undermine your worth in the relationship by giving up what you believe in, not because you changed your beliefs, but because you wanted to be accepted.

    Instead of upholding your truth, you settle for inclusion by those who don’t subscribe to your truth.

    After some time, when the price of that inclusion begins to take its toll, you’ll find yourself adrift without your principles to anchor you, and with the realisation that they never really accepted you in the first place.

    How could they if you didn’t reveal to them the truth of who you were?

    That’s when life feels empty or burdensome, and anger becomes the tool through which we demand our significance in those relationships because we were hoping that at some point they would see our sacrifice and appreciate us for it, only to discover that our sacrifice was never important to begin with.

    That anger is not always directed at those who didn’t appreciate us. Often, it’s directed at ourselves for not being good enough.

    Think carefully before you compromise who you are just so that you can fit in. Every compromise comes at a cost. Be sure that you’re willing to pay the cost before you lose yourself in the process.