Tag: ownyourshit

  • The personification of madness

    The personification of madness

    Perspective, when shared, provides a sense of sanity and inclusion.

    It convinces us that what we see is not a figment of our imagination, and therefore must be real.

    Perception is what convinces us of our place in this world. It suggests that we belong in spaces where others see what we see.

    Madness, is therefore the absence of such a shared perception.

    Madness is what we feel when we search for familiarity in what appears obvious to us, or at least, what we wish others would see because of the beauty or the pain that it offers.

    Not finding such familiarity isolates us in our own reality, leaving us questioning our grasp on what we once believed to be true.

    Thus, the sane begin to appear insane, and the source of our sanity begins to feel like the source of our insanity.

    Reality doesn’t exist. Only perception does.

    The more we find others who hold a similar grasp of what we’re experiencing, what beauty we see in others, or what horror we see in the vile, the more comforted we feel about the experiences of our lives.

    In the absence of such familiarity, insanity draws nearer as we question what we once were convinced to be an absolute truth, the sanctity of which we cannot even dare to think of abandoning.

    It is at that moment that it feels like the world has gone mad, and that there just isn’t enough of us left to resurrect its sanity.

    Perception, therefore, is what makes or breaks a life. Those who are skilled at holding on to their perception despite the reality around them conflicting with their perception, are the ones who ultimately appear insane.

    It’s all relative. Until we try to understand that relativity, kindness will forever be elusive.

    Photo info : A shipwreck in Cape Town that has often resonated with my perception of life. Firmly grounded in the earth, the relentless waves of madness around it, staring defiantly at the incessant storms that approach. Madness personified.

  • All that matters is right now…

    All that matters is right now…

    Reminiscing about the good old days becomes a toxic trait when it distracts us from what we have now.

    Our distracted state is what causes us to lose sight of what we have, so that at some future point, we may once more reminisce about what was.

    Such an indulgence, when done in excess, convinces us that the best is over, leaving the future barren, with no inclination on our part to find opportunity for new growth, and greater joys.

    Gratitude about the present moment is a result of appreciating what the past has contributed towards what we have, while reflecting on this inspires us about the possibility of what is to come.

    At some point, we need to realise that this moment, right now, is the past that will create our present moment in the future.

    Think about it. We’re so busy thinking of how good things once were, that we don’t realise that all we’re doing is giving ourselves reason to sit at some point in the future contemplating how much of our past was spent reminiscing about the past that came before that.

    Sounds ludicrous? It is, because that’s how ludicrous it is when we abandon the future because we chose to hold on to the bitterness of the past.

    The past, no matter how bad, does not dictate what the future holds. It only ever gives us a point of reference as to how much better things can be, and should be.

    Breathe, beloved…breathe…and release the toxins of the past with every exhalation, so that you create space for the promise of joy that the future holds.

  • Peace is not the absence of battles

    Peace is not the absence of battles

    When life feels overwhelming, the most effective way to slow things down is to choose our battles.

    Prioritising what’s important over what’s urgent usually sets the tone for what we tolerate or invest our time in, versus what we ignore or postpone.

    However, this only creates capacity to deal with new battles that may arise, it doesn’t create space for peace.

    Peace often remains elusive because we’re still responding to what comes our way rather than shaping what we want from life.

    More importantly, peace begins to feel like the absence of battles. It’s not.

    The absence of battles is just a breather. A break from the struggle. But as long as we know the struggle is waiting for us the moment we finished taking our breather, we won’t experience peace.

    Peace only becomes possible when we break the cycles that keeps inviting battles into our space.

    Breaking that cycle means knowing what we’re doing to feed that cycle of struggles that keep weighing us down.

    This demands emotional mindfulness, because it’s how we feel about what we’re facing that determines how we respond. As long as we focus only on the effectiveness of our response, we won’t be able to consciously choose to stop feeding the cycle that makes that response necessary.

    It’s not as complicated as it sounds. And peace is very achievable, despite having had a lifetime of pain or hardship.

    For more info, check out my website at zaidismail.com or reach out on WhatsApp at +27836599183 for affordable coaching that will bring the change that you so desperately want in your life.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • It’s not always about you

    It’s not always about you

    With due to respect to the author of this quote, I totally disagree with this view. This is why.

    It’s one thing to let someone know that you were hurt by something that they did or said. But it’s something totally different to blame them for hurting you.

    When you make them aware of how you feel about what they did, that’s owning your response and creating an opportunity for them to understand the impact that they have on you.

    When you insist that they hurt you, and deny them the right to say that they didn’t, you impose your belief on their intention behind what they did.

    Why is this important? Simple. The moment you blame someone else for your emotional response, you don’t own your response and instead, you give up your power to own your life. In other words, you become a victim of everyone else’s actions.

    Worse than this, you become the oppressor after feeling oppressed. Or the hurtful one after feeling hurt, because something completely innocent done by someone else becomes tainted with your trigger to that event. Or your bitterness about something that they are not responsible for.

    The same way that you want your emotions to be honoured by others, you need to honour their emotions as well. And you do this by trying to understand why they may do something that is hurtful to you without making it about you.

    Seek to understand. Like someone once told me, not all who claim to love, seek to understand. So just because you claim to love someone doesn’t give you the right to blame them for your hurt. That’s not love. That’s abuse. Abuse of the trust that they place in you.

    You can do better than that.

  • Don’t wait for justice

    Don’t wait for justice

    This world was created for respite, not for justice. Stop waiting for it to be OK before you move on with your life. It will never truly be OK.

    And when you eventually do move on, it’s because you stopped waiting for it to be OK, not because it suddenly was OK.

    Life is most often wasted waiting for retribution or reciprocation after we’ve been treated poorly or betrayed.

    When we wait for such justice to come to pass, it means that we’re more invested in our past than we are in our future.

    The irony is that we convince ourselves that we can’t have a future until we get justice for our past.

    The truth is, the future only becomes available to us when we have reconciled our contribution towards the outcomes of our lives.

    We’ll never be able to get into the heads of those who oppressed us or treated us badly.

    Waiting for them to step up and do the right thing is simply perpetuating the very reason why that relationship may have failed in the first place.

    The moment you reclaim your voice in your life, you reclaim your future, and you discard the shackles of the past.

    This doesn’t mean that by reclaiming your voice the issues from the past that continue to plague you will disappear.

    No. What it means is that your response to it will be defined by how much power you want it to have in your future, so that you’ll be able to choose your battles and your conditions for peace more wisely.

    Breathe, beloved…don’t forget to breathe. And between each breath, consider if your last breath was invested in your future, or your past…and choose more wisely the purpose of your next breath.

  • Lost moments

    Lost moments

    The pendulum of time brushes ever so lightly against the arc of eternity, and in that very finite moment of its contact, an entire lifetime is lived. Some are deluded into believing that the pendulum will swing back, realising too late that once the moment is passed, it is lost to eternity.

    For some reason, this thought always chokes me up… :'(

    Why do people take life for granted and wait for ideal moments before allowing themselves to embrace life more fully and sincerely?

    Moments pass so quickly.

    The current trends are to catch moments through meditation, long after the moment is lost.

    Or to reminisce about why it could have been different if only something else was in place at the time.

    The most gut wrenching heartache is caused from moments that held the promise of beauty or peace, but were lost to bad timing, or fear.

    I think the secret to living joyfully lies in trusting those who echo the sentiments in your heart.

    But such a trust is daunting when it was abused by another, and thus courage becomes a prerequisite for trust.

    Discovering the secret of courage then becomes the next pursuit of the heart.

    Breathe, beloved…slow deep breaths. And courage will emerge from the depths where it lays dormant after having been subdued by calloused hands.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • It’s not always about you

    It’s not always about you

    The truth is, if you want to matter that much to someone else, shouldn’t they matter equally as much to you?

    If they do, and you find that they don’t have as much time for you as they used to, or are behaving differently to what you know them to be about, do you claim your privilege to be treated better than that, or do you show sincere concern for what they may be dealing with?

    Busting mental health myths is essential to break the cycle that feeds toxic victim mindsets.

    The problem with this meme is that is encourages self-centered perspectives and denies the struggles that someone else may be going through.

    Sometimes the ones we love may be so overwhelmed by what they’re going through that withdrawal from the world is the only way that they believe they can cope.

    It’s not about how much you may want them to lean on you, or take comfort from you. Sometimes, their battle with themselves drives them to want to protect others from the impact that it is having on them.

    Don’t be so quick to write people off. When you do that, you lose the right to ask others to give you the benefit of the doubt when you’re going through a struggle that no one else understands.

    Sacrificing what you need in favour of understanding someone you love, is sometimes the greatest gift of love you could give anyone. Even if they don’t realise it at the time.

    It’s about what you want to gift to them, not what you need from them that matters.


  • To be heard

    To be heard

    When moderation is surrendered in protest against control or oppression, vulgarity seems like the only reasonable way to be heard.

    Rather than focus on the need to be heard, we should consider why our voice may have been lost to the noise around us.

    Adding to that noise further erodes rational thought and expression, creating a polarised environment rather than an inclusive and nurturing one.

    The more we give in to the need to be heard, the more we lose our voice, and our sense of self.

    That’s when vulgarity becomes acceptable to us.

    Because in the absence of moderation, vulgarity becomes the only effective expression.

    Unless, of course, we’re mindful enough to realise that making a point through vulgarity destroys more than it achieves.

    And what it achieves is rarely the good that we hoped to create.

    Reclaim your voice.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock