It is my belief in the good that is possible that has been the cause of my greatest regrets when I realised that I was alone in seeing the world that way.
It’s that same belief that has driven me towards offering myself into spaces for which I was inadequate, or social circles for which I was lacking.
My inability to recognise the signs of insincerity because I was convinced that it was simply fear, has resulted in some of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt about my place in this world.
It’s the same belief in the wonderment of life that has shredded the romantic fool in me when the reality beyond my perception revealed the truth of my misplaced fascination.
There are days when life feels more enchanting than a fable of love that has endured generations of cynicism. And then there are days when it feels like nothing more than a fib.
My inclination towards flowery language has heaped much ridicule on me through the years, given the uneducated fool that I am. But when you struggle to articulate your experience of this contorted life, knowingly persisting in doing that which earns ridicule after being celebrated, you take an inevitable step towards finally seeing this world for what it is.
Assuming that such clarity of vision is even possible is further testament to the naivety that always gets the better of my reason, and overwhelms my heart with possibility, even when staring impossibility in the face.
It’s a recipe for much heartache and even more pain. But the sliver of hope that holds the promise of the remote probability that I may just be right about my perception of what is possible leaves me incapable of living any other way.
Such is the nature of the fool in me. The one who loves deeply, expects little, and fails a lot. But it was my naivety towards such failure that has been the most incredible teacher of my life.
#hope #expectation #realitysucks #delusionsofgrandeur #sociallyunacceptable #anincompletelovestory #alwaysincomplete #zaidismail
Tag: realitysucks
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Contortions of reality
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The personification of madness
Perspective, when shared, provides a sense of sanity and inclusion.
It convinces us that what we see is not a figment of our imagination, and therefore must be real.
Perception is what convinces us of our place in this world. It suggests that we belong in spaces where others see what we see.
Madness, is therefore the absence of such a shared perception.
Madness is what we feel when we search for familiarity in what appears obvious to us, or at least, what we wish others would see because of the beauty or the pain that it offers.
Not finding such familiarity isolates us in our own reality, leaving us questioning our grasp on what we once believed to be true.
Thus, the sane begin to appear insane, and the source of our sanity begins to feel like the source of our insanity.
Reality doesn’t exist. Only perception does.
The more we find others who hold a similar grasp of what we’re experiencing, what beauty we see in others, or what horror we see in the vile, the more comforted we feel about the experiences of our lives.
In the absence of such familiarity, insanity draws nearer as we question what we once were convinced to be an absolute truth, the sanctity of which we cannot even dare to think of abandoning.
It is at that moment that it feels like the world has gone mad, and that there just isn’t enough of us left to resurrect its sanity.
Perception, therefore, is what makes or breaks a life. Those who are skilled at holding on to their perception despite the reality around them conflicting with their perception, are the ones who ultimately appear insane.
It’s all relative. Until we try to understand that relativity, kindness will forever be elusive.
Photo info : A shipwreck in Cape Town that has often resonated with my perception of life. Firmly grounded in the earth, the relentless waves of madness around it, staring defiantly at the incessant storms that approach. Madness personified.
#hope #hopelessness #foolishness #romanticdelusions #relationshipgoals #realitysucks #mentalhealth #ownyourshit #mybeloved #zaidismail #madness #insanity #itdoesntmatter
