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It’s not always about you

With due to respect to the author of this quote, I totally disagree with this view. This is why.

It’s one thing to let someone know that you were hurt by something that they did or said. But it’s something totally different to blame them for hurting you.

When you make them aware of how you feel about what they did, that’s owning your response and creating an opportunity for them to understand the impact that they have on you.

When you insist that they hurt you, and deny them the right to say that they didn’t, you impose your belief on their intention behind what they did.

Why is this important? Simple. The moment you blame someone else for your emotional response, you don’t own your response and instead, you give up your power to own your life. In other words, you become a victim of everyone else’s actions.

Worse than this, you become the oppressor after feeling oppressed. Or the hurtful one after feeling hurt, because something completely innocent done by someone else becomes tainted with your trigger to that event. Or your bitterness about something that they are not responsible for.

The same way that you want your emotions to be honoured by others, you need to honour their emotions as well. And you do this by trying to understand why they may do something that is hurtful to you without making it about you.

Seek to understand. Like someone once told me, not all who claim to love, seek to understand. So just because you claim to love someone doesn’t give you the right to blame them for your hurt. That’s not love. That’s abuse. Abuse of the trust that they place in you.

You can do better than that.

Zaid Ismail

Author, life coach, and mental health activist. We need to change the narrative from disorders, illnesses, and survival to accountability, understanding, and thriving.

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