Judging each other only becomes easy when we assume that we are above the behaviour that were judging.
When we receive the benefit of the doubt from others, we assume that we deserve it, rather than it being a result of their generosity of spirit.
When we’re misunderstood, we may be inclined towards accusing others of misunderstanding us, rather than considering that they had good reason to get it wrong.
Being defensive or judgemental are two traits that originate from the same source. That is, feeling emotionally vulnerable.
Judgement demands compliance with a standard that is larger than who we are, and therefore associates us with something that must be respected or revered.
That’s why it’s easier to judge than it is to understand. Because understanding demands that we set aside such associations and invest of ourselves in assessing the behaviour of others.
Sometimes, that investment means that we must suspend our focus on our rights in that relationship in order to understand. When we’re afraid of being insignificant, suspending such rights feels like an attack on our self worth.
The result…anger or bitterness.
If you need help navigating through such complex relationships in your life, I can help.
WhatsApp me on +27836599183 or reach out via my website at zaidismail.com.
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Tag: embracingME
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Judging is easy
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Break the stigma
We dehumanise the human when we label their emotional experience as an illness.
The moment we attach a label to a life experience, we focus on the label and discard the merits of the experience.
We make people invisible when we deny the reality of their experience by suggesting that there is something clinically wrong with them, despite causality of their emotional upheaval being clearly associated with their experiences in life.
The victim readily embraces such labels because it offers hope where they feel hopeless.
The oblivious happily embrace such labels because it demands less emotional investment, or less accountability in their efforts to uplift or support those around them.
Our aversion to embrace the entirety of the human behind the troubled behaviour denies the victim a voice, or a claim to their painful experiences in life.
These labels are worn with shame because it denies us our humanness and makes us a symptom.
You cannot break the stigma of mental health by undermining the humanness of the ones affected by the stigma.
Kill the label, kill the stigma.
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Respectfully dishonest
This is especially true for our relationships with ourselves, more than it reflects on our relationships with others.
We disrespect ourselves when we avoid truths that feel shameful or disappointing about who we are.
That shame or disappointment that we feel is because we’re looking at ourselves through other people’s eyes, or at least what we think they would think of us if they knew what we’re hiding within.
We respect ourselves when we focus on understanding rather than judging why we’re not being true to the standard that we want to live up to.
But that standard must be our own aspiration, and not a standard defined by society or anyone else.
Someone else may suggest or advise on what is worth pursuing, but we must adopt that as our own aspiration, with conviction, or else we’ll again judge ourselves to be a success or a failure when we exert ourselves towards achieving that goal.
If you’re dishonest with yourself or with others, then respect is no longer part of that interaction.
Take time to reflect and recalibrate your efforts, and leave the judgement to those who will judge regardless of your best efforts towards them.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #embracingME #pursuitofhappiness #zaidismail -
Reconnect with your innate wisdom
We all have an innate wisdom that we lose sight of as the distractions of life accumulate.
When we go out in search of answers and adopt methods that worked for someone else, we further distance ourselves from that innate wisdom.
This distancing that occurs undermines our authenticity, and leaves us feeling at odds with life rather than comforting us.
To reconnect with that peace that feels so elusive, we must reconnect with that innate wisdom, or else life will continue to feel like a detached experience.
It is only in sincere conversation that truths are encountered and wisdom adopted.
For this reason, I am not hers to teach you anything new. My sole purpose is to reconnect you with the wisdom that you already have within you.
Reach out at zaidismail.com or WhatsApp on +27836599183.
If you prefer, email me at info@zaidismail.com
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Demand more…of yourself
Unless you believe that you are capable of achieving more, you will always hold on to less.
That belief is more about feeling worthy than it is about ability.
Sometimes, we look at how our best efforts were received and assume that the negative outcomes bear testament to the value that we have to offer.
We then find reason to withhold our contribution in future without pausing to consider that perhaps we invested our efforts in someone who wasn’t ready to value what we shared.
But, it’s never that simple, is it?
Often, we continue to invest because we believe in the untapped beauty or value that we see in them.
It is that belief that anchors us in the ‘if only’ and ‘what if’ scenarios that play out in our heads, while blinding our hearts from the beauty that awaits if only we invested our efforts more wisely.
At such times, we must look to those who see our beauty, rather than fixating on those who deny their own.
It’s the only way to break the cycle that diminishes our contribution towards creating joy in our lives, and in the lives of those around us.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #ownyourshit #embracingME #mybeloved #zaidismail #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticparents -
Depression is not an illness
I realise that this is a highly contentious point. But we must recognise the elephant in the room before we are able to deal with it.
The myth that depression is an illness causes more harm than the good it’s intended to achieve.
Depression is the absence of hope. Preceding that is the saturation of failed expectations from those we consider significant in our lives.
Like happiness, depression is not a choice. But, also like happiness, depression is an outcome of the collective choices that we make.
The more aware we are of those choices, and importantly the consequences of those choices, the more consciously we are able to make decisions to break the cycles that result from those choices.
The moment we label a human experience as an illness or a disorder, we create victims rather than masters of our emotional experience, thereby disempowering us in our efforts to rise above the unpleasant experiences of our lives.
Depression is not an illness. It is a legitimate human experience in response to bad experiences in life.
When we begin to recognise this, it becomes possible to reconnect with our humanity, rather than to surrender to an imagined illness.
#depression #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #embracingME #pursuitofhappiness #zaidismail -
Fear breeds sadness
Fear creates more sadness than heartbreak ever will.
Fear keeps us anchored in a moment that has long since passed.
Fear convinces us that we need to be protected from what we previously experienced, while distracting us from the wisdom and strength that we gained from that experience.
Fear prompts us to look for signs and evidence that what we fear may once again be approaching, and distracts us from the signs and evidence that what we hope for is within reach.
Like everything that destroys, fear requires little effort because it is a self-sustaining cycle.
Hope, on the feet hand, requires courage.
Hope demands that we reconnect with who we are before that last bitter encounter.
Hope is not for the meek. When we succumb to fear, the meek prevail and life loses its sweetness.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #ownyourshit #embracingME #motivation #mybeloved #zaidismail #authenticity #lifecoaching #narcissisticpartner #narcissism #narcissisticabuse -
Fearfully hopeful
Patience is only patience when it is the foundation of hope. Not when it is the pacifier of fear.
Hope is the currency of growth, whereas fear is what breeds decay.
To patiently await the decay of what we hold dear is not patience, it is surrender.
To hope, despite the apparent futility that stares us down, is the ultimate rebellion against fear.
To patiently persevere is therefore to continue fighting for that which brings us love and happiness, especially when the circumstances of our lives will warrant a surrender.
It is this beautiful patience that holds the promise of a heart filled with love, or a life fraught with pain.
When we lose sight of the outcome that we hope to achieve, we surrender to fear and settle for the familiarity of the pain that we once yearned to escape.
Surrender must never be an option.
Fa sabrun jameel…
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