Tag: relationshipgoals

  • It starts and ends with gratitude

    It starts and ends with gratitude

    Many struggle with achieving a sense of fulfilment in their lives because they have yet to appreciate, with sincerity, the value that they hold within themselves.

    We only make ourselves truly available in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, if we believe that who we are will be valued by others.

    The irony is that gratitude for who we are is needed before we see fit to share anything of ourselves with others, while sharing the same is the first step towards experiencing the gratitude of fulfilment.

    Such conundrums are common in our efforts to live a life of purpose.

    Purpose is not found in the acquisition of valuables for ourselves, but rather in the creation of value for others.

    I think in there lies the secret to experiencing any sense of peace in this lifetime.

    When we protect ourselves from the possibility of rejection, we deny ourselves the very fulfilment we need to feel complete, and therefore create opportunities for bitterness or regret to take hold in our lives.

    It all starts with gratitude, and fulfilment is sealed with gratitude.

    Be grateful for how your journey shaped you into who you are, so that you stop holding others accountable for your happiness.

    [This was a difficult thought process to articulate. Hope it makes sense.]

  • This is going to hurt

    This is going to hurt

    Another excerpt from a manuscript slowly taking shape in my head. From the sequel to my novel, this is Taqdeer: A dance with destiny.

    In this scene, the main character, Zayd, once more finds himself faced with the betrayal of one close to him, but it’s not enough to deter him from remaining defiant against the odds.

    “Eventually, I get tired of dodging the bullet and instead I stand, square-shouldered, facing the onslaught with eyes wide open, my heart gently ticking away in my chest, waiting for what I always knew was inevitable. Knowing that it will hit me hard, but defiantly standing there waiting to see exactly how hard it’s going to hit.”

    Will his love story ever be completed? Or is life only ever meant to be an exercise in fulfilling duty towards those who have rights over him?

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • The twins of love and pain

    The twins of love and pain

    We see in the world around us that which occupies the most space in our hearts.

    When our hearts are filled with love and affection, we find no place for hate or bitterness.

    When we hold space in our life for justice for past oppression, we prevent that space from being filled with the love that we may receive in the present moment.

    The need for justice often overwhelms any prospect of happiness because we feel denied as long as those who caused us pain live without consequence.

    When we’re filled with the rage of revenge, or the need for justice, any approaching love or affection appears as a threat for further pain because the possibility of betrayal is still clearly etched in the pain from the past that has yet to be reconciled.

    Healing then becomes dependent on justice, and life is put on hold. That holding pattern serves as a constant reminder of the injustice that we suffered, or the betrayal that cut so deeply.

    Thus, the oppression of the past contaminates the present, and denies us a future of the very happiness we hope to experience.

    But, when our rage convinces us that love and pain are twins, the promise of peace becomes a threat, and the holding pattern of pain becomes a comfort. Thus, we become unavailable to those who love us, and remain committed to seeking vengeance against those who thrive on our misery.

  • Choose your company…wisely

    Choose your company…wisely

    Choose your company carefully.

    The peace of mind and sense of belonging for which you yearn could easily turn out to be the reason for your anguish.

    There is rarely a day that passes without me reading or hearing about someone who invested years, if not decades of their life, to people who were not invested in the relationship.

    When the reality of that betrayal finally hits home, it destroys our spirit and convinces us that we’ve sacrificed the best years of our life while having nothing more to look forward to.

    Nothing could be further from the truth.

    The same way we were able to create beauty in such a desolate landscape, we must recognise that the best of us that we gave was simply the truth of who we were. And are.

    The moment we discard that because it was discarded by an ingrate who was looking for servitude of their ego when they could have had love for their essence, we become ingrates just like them.

    Don’t trade who you are for who they were. It’s never a fair trade. You owe yourself more than that.

    And self-pity will only ever prevent you from being true to yourself.

    Breathe, beloved…even when that breath threatens to prolong the agony of your life. Breathe. And embrace the beauty of who you are despite the ugly of who they were.

    That’s how we take back the gift that they discarded so that we may be able find a more fitting recipient.

    As long as you’re breathing, there’s always hope.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • The pain of being empty

    The pain of being empty

    When we’re overcome with the pain of betrayal, or loss, our focus is often on what we no longer have, rather than the gaping hole that it left in our soul.

    We try to reconcile the events or the mysteries that led up to that moment when what we cherished was suddenly taken.

    Sometimes taken by fate, but at other times taken by force.

    We feel violated when we’re left vacant. When the space we once reserved for one we cherished was abandoned without reason, or for all the wrong reasons.

    When the reasons are easily overcome, if only they’d be willing to overcome it with us.

    When we see in them what they refuse to see in themselves.

    Or when they give up hope for what they need from fear of losing it, again. So they protect themselves from us, not because of who we are, but because of how they were betrayed before us.

    That’s when we need to sit quietly with that gaping hole and find in it the peace that absence promises. It’s a peace found in the absence of expectation, or in the presence of calm.

    But calm is elusive when we’re fighting to get back what is not ours to claim. That’s when pain sets in. That’s when the gaping hole becomes a suffocating mess, rather than a passing anguish.

    Be still, beloved. Be composed. Be at peace knowing that the best of you will never be good enough for those who are not good enough for themselves.

    Their demons are your pain only because you see the beauty that they never tasted.

    Don’t give up that beauty because of their bitter tongue. Their bitterness is theirs to savour, and yours to abandon. Breathe…

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Tainting a beautiful soul

    Tainting a beautiful soul

    Betrayal of trust always cuts deeper than any other wound that we endure in life.

    A trust of the heart is an offering of the most sacred parts of who we are to those whom we believe will add to its beauty, and its peace.

    When it is held sacred by the ones with whom we share it, it explodes into fountains of light, beautifying everything that it touches…including the hurts of the past.

    When it is treated flippantly, it turns into caves of darkness, offering us protection from the shame of having had our sanctity violated by one so dear.

    From deep within that cave, any light that enters threatens to disembowel what little dignity we have left.

    Sometimes we flirt with that light, believing that it’s still possible to have the remnants of light in our soul join in the splendour of the beauty that we know is possible.

    For a while, we grow bold, believing that the sanctity of us may yet be cherished by another. Until we’re reminded that it is that same trust that created the space for the darkness of another to snuff out our light.

    So we withdraw. Any promises made to that point fade from view, and our trust becomes seasonal. Turning us into the darkness that seeks to destroy someone else’s light before they get a chance to destroy our own. Again.

    It’s an unintended vengeance against other than the brute that ravaged our soul. But it carries with it the promise of safety, and the promise of once more being whole.

    Thus, an unfulfilled vengeance, shreds a beautiful soul.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • The broken cup

    The broken cup

    Too often, our focus is on how empty is our own cup.

    Sometimes it takes a while before we realise that we’re not taking care of ourselves as we lose ourselves in our concern for others.

    So we begin to focus on filling our cup so that the emotional fatigue can finally be overcome.

    Sadly, we don’t stop to consider if we’re capable of filling our cup because we don’t realise that it may be broken.

    Wounds from the past leave cracks and breaks in spaces that we hope others will mend, not realising that only we hold the key towards mending those cracks.

    Sometimes, we don’t realise that someone we love may have a broken cup, and we exhaust ourselves in trying to fill their cup, believing ourselves to be inadequate in our efforts to make them feel loved enough to want to love us in return.

    That’s why it’s important to heal before you try to find a home for your heart.

    And equally important is the realisation that sometimes it’s not your inadequacy that makes it difficult for them to love you back, but rather their belief in not being worthy of your love that prevents them from embracing you.

    Breathe, beloved…slow, rhythmic, deep breaths that fill those spaces left by the calloused hands that handled the most fragile parts of you.

    Breathe. Be whole. And then return to love.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • The personification of madness

    The personification of madness

    Perspective, when shared, provides a sense of sanity and inclusion.

    It convinces us that what we see is not a figment of our imagination, and therefore must be real.

    Perception is what convinces us of our place in this world. It suggests that we belong in spaces where others see what we see.

    Madness, is therefore the absence of such a shared perception.

    Madness is what we feel when we search for familiarity in what appears obvious to us, or at least, what we wish others would see because of the beauty or the pain that it offers.

    Not finding such familiarity isolates us in our own reality, leaving us questioning our grasp on what we once believed to be true.

    Thus, the sane begin to appear insane, and the source of our sanity begins to feel like the source of our insanity.

    Reality doesn’t exist. Only perception does.

    The more we find others who hold a similar grasp of what we’re experiencing, what beauty we see in others, or what horror we see in the vile, the more comforted we feel about the experiences of our lives.

    In the absence of such familiarity, insanity draws nearer as we question what we once were convinced to be an absolute truth, the sanctity of which we cannot even dare to think of abandoning.

    It is at that moment that it feels like the world has gone mad, and that there just isn’t enough of us left to resurrect its sanity.

    Perception, therefore, is what makes or breaks a life. Those who are skilled at holding on to their perception despite the reality around them conflicting with their perception, are the ones who ultimately appear insane.

    It’s all relative. Until we try to understand that relativity, kindness will forever be elusive.

    Photo info : A shipwreck in Cape Town that has often resonated with my perception of life. Firmly grounded in the earth, the relentless waves of madness around it, staring defiantly at the incessant storms that approach. Madness personified.