Tag: selfmastery

  • Soul food doesn’t feed the ego

    Soul food doesn’t feed the ego

    Be careful about advice that makes you feel good but doesn’t resolve anything.

    Things that make us feel good either provides us with an emotional high and feeds our ego, or with a spiritual high and feeds our soul.

    When we strike a healthy balance between the two, we find peace.

    So, be careful of people that only feed your emotional needs, but don’t know how to feed your soul.

    Worse still, be careful about confusing emotional fulfilment with soul food. The one makes you feel good about where you’re at, and the other inspires you to grow beyond where you’re at.

    Choose carefully.

  • Ingratitude breeds ingratitude

    Ingratitude breeds ingratitude

    When we’re ungrateful for who we are,
    When we deny any good in ourselves that others may see,
    When we ignore our beauty because there may exist some ugly,
    We protect ourselves from attachment to anything wholesome or beautiful in life.

    Our need for such protection is a deeply ingrained fear about never being good enough.

    Not good enough for the standards that we hope to live up to, nor good enough for what we think we need to be to those around us.

    The self loathing ensures that this conversation remains in our heads, and is only expressed as rage or bitterness, or many times, as deliberate ingratitude.

    But ingratitude does more than just take our lives for granted.

    Ingratitude convinces loved ones that they’re not good enough either.

    Ingratitude distorts good intentions into bad motives.

    Ingratitude breeds within others what we loathe about ourselves, while convincing us that it harms no one.

    Ingratitude is the real root of evil.

    It is ingratitude that destroys hope.

    It is ingratitude that destroys love.

    And it is ingratitude that destroys gentleness.

    You cannot give what you don’t have.

    When ingratitude for your self takes hold, the sincerity of any gratitude that you hope to express towards others lacks authenticity and leaves them questioning your sincerity.

    Ingratitude is a vicious cycle that destroys every good that it touches, and breaks every soul that may once have been whole.

    And that’s how peace becomes elusive.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • To be…

    To be…

    Much of life is wasted in the time spent considering if we should or shouldn’t do that thing that we’re passionate about.

    That consideration is most often based on our doubts about what others will think, and rarely because we doubt the value of doing it.

    Sometimes, we persevere and find the courage within ourselves to follow through despite the absence of support or encouragement from those around us.

    And sometimes we stop wanting to push through because we feel worn down and invisible.

    No one can change which choice we make. But the moment we choose that person that we want to share our passion with, without whom we see no point in sharing it, we give them the power to make that choice for us without them realising what power they have over us.

    Sometimes, telling them about it endears them towards us.

    But sometimes, the burden of expectation that it places on them pushes them further away, leaving us convinced that the value we thought we could share was not of much value at all.

    The human condition is a beautifully complicated mess.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Don’t dance with the devil

    Don’t dance with the devil

    The devil lives in our doubts, and our demons thrive in our fears.

    What we take from life leaves us filled with hope, or ridden with fear.

    But because it’s what we take from it that matters, we can always revisit a memory or an experience and find something more wholesome to take from it.

    While we cannot change the past, we most certainly can change how it shapes us, and our relationships with those around us.

    The most common reason for not wanting to explore a fresh perspective of our past is because we need those doubts and fears to convince us never to expose ourselves to such experiences again.

    It’s got nothing to do with questioning our abilities, and everything to do with avoiding disappointment or pain. Because while we may know without a doubt that we’re capable of achieving something great, we’ll avoid even attempting it because of the possibility of the devastation of it being rejected or taken for granted by others.

    Don’t entertain the devil, and don’t surrender to your demons.

    Life awaits.

    Photo credit :Adobe Stock


  • Contaminating the self

    Contaminating the self

    Self-worth is contaminated when we try to define it by the way we think others perceive us.

    Whether their perception is correct or not is irrelevant.

    The fact that their perception has more sway over our self-worth than our perception of ourselves is what determines the difference between a healthy self esteem, and an unhealthy one.

    Many struggle to connect with who they are in the absence of an external voice validating them.

    That external voice is not always aware of the validation that they provide because the one in need of such validation invests themselves in inspiring others to feel accomplished and amazing. [This is important!]

    When that investment is not well received, or is credited to someone other than the one making the investment, the self esteem of the investor is destroyed.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to servitude. We lose sight of our ability to serve, and become defined by how our service is appreciated, or rejected.

    Thus, are arrogant ones created. Arrogance being nothing more than a proclamation of the good in us that we need others to acknowledge.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Sabotaging destiny

    Sabotaging destiny

    There are so many memes encouraging gut feelings and instincts to drive or decisions about how to treat others.

    I wish there would be more making us aware of what creates that feeling in our gut to begin with.

    The emotion most commonly experienced as a physical sensation is that of fear. And fear, more than anywhere else in our bodies, is experienced in our gut or in our chest. Both physical centres associated with a gut feeling.

    That tightness, that churning, or the uneasiness we feel that spreads up to our chest and shortens our breath. Gripping fear is more common than butterflies of excitement.

    So when we trust our gut blindly, we project our past experiences on the present moment. We use past experiences with people that treated us badly to make assumptions about the motives of people who are trying to connect with us now.

    That’s how we lose the present moment or sabotage good opportunities because we look for signs that they’re the same as those who came before them, rather than seeing them for who they are. Any positive attributes we see are easily dismissed out of fear of those hints that suggest that they’re just a facade because of something that reminded us of a past hurt or betrayal, or worse.

    When we honour without question our emotions in that moment of fear or stress, we stop being mindful about our emotional state in the current experience. This prevents us from determining if our instinct is correct or not.

    We must be willing to test our instinct if we hope to avoid becoming presumptuous about others, both positively or negatively.

    Except for gratitude, everything else requires moderation to avoid the harms of excess. And following our instincts blindly causes as much harm as the good that it offers.

    Be balanced. Be mindful. Seek to understand your emotions rather than to surrender to it so that you don’t abandon reason in favour of fear.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Choose better

    Choose better

    We choose what we take from life.

    Understanding those choices is therefore key to finding peace, or joy.

    Our choices, even though sometimes painful, are always based on good intentions in that moment of choosing.

    But, when that good intention is driven by a need to establish our significance rather than connect with the value that we want to create, our choices become understandably poorly informed.

    Once again, understanding why we were distracted enough will add sweetness to our hindsight.

    Looking back on our unpleasant experiences with understanding rather than judgement helps us to find peace where we currently may only find pain.

    Seeking to understand is what disarms the bitterness of betrayed expectations and replaces it with the peace of acceptance.

    If you’re struggling to reconcile your past in your efforts to create a better future, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183. Together, we can create the life that you’ve always wanted.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Don’t choose the hard way

    Don’t choose the hard way

    The original Afrikaans saying for this is somewhat more impactful.

    ‘Die wat nie will hoor nie, moet voel.’

    Translated, that means that if you don’t want to listen, then you’ll feel the pain.

    While it may have been regularly used as a taunt by teachers and parents towards misbehaving kids, it is totally apt for adults as well.

    Our reasons for avoiding, or even rejecting good advice is not always because we think we know better. Often, it’s because we assume that taking advice is a sign of weakness or incompetence. Hence our preference to learn the hard way instead.

    Add to that the source being someone who already, just by their presence, intimidates us, and suddenly an offering of advice from them feels like an attack.

    At the heart of it is our sense of self-worth. The lower our confidence, the more likely it is that an innocent gesture will appear as an attack.

    Low emotional maturity is the biggest stumbling block towards growth, and towards owning our life.

    Improving your emotional maturity is not about learning coping mechanisms for when you feel triggered, it’s about growing to understand why you are inclined towards feeling triggered at all.

    Stop coping with life and start thriving. It all begins with gaining insight into who you are and what shaped you to be this way.

    Need a navigator? Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s start building the life that you’ve always wanted.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock