Tag: loveyourself

  • Waiting to live…

    Waiting to live…

    When we are raised in an environment focused on discipline before purpose, or compliance before understanding, we develop the belief that fitting in is more important than who we are.

    This same mindset leads us to be bullish in our efforts to uphold the status quo because of the inclusion that it offers, while violently rejecting any opinions that challenge our cultural heritage or traditions.

    The need to belong, to be validated by that social structure smothers any passion to contribute towards improving anything, because we’re led to believe that our traditions have already perfected everything.

    Thus, the unique expression of the individual is snuffed out, only to be replaced by a militancy of spirit that is celebrated as devout submission.

    Critical thinking is abandoned in favour of academic prowess, and without realising it, indoctrination is readily believed to be higher education.

    All this leads to the subservient mindset that needs permission before choosing consciously, or seeks permission before thinking independently.

    That’s how cycles of abuse are maintained, and the unique contribution of the individual is seen as an offence against the collective.

    Everyone must know their place to uphold a power structure that reveres the powerful, while enslaving the minds of the masses.

    And that is how the masses, the average soul, grows to believe that unless they have permission to break the bleak and toxic cycles of their lives, they have no choice but to comply quietly for the greater good of society.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Looking for love in all the wrong places

    The shame that we carry within us about what we believe is lacking about ourselves, sometimes causes us to reject those who embrace us despite knowing the worst side of us.

    But because we reject that part of who we are, and are not willing to see our humanness attaching shame to it, we try to escape the embrace of the one who accepts it, so that we can avoid facing it or dealing with it.

    That’s how we find ourselves pushing away those close to us, while trying to win favour or earn the affection or validation of someone who doesn’t know that side of us.

    Because when we try to escape who we really are, we find it necessary to also escape anything that reminds us of that version of ourselves that we’ve rejected.

    Growth and healing is not found in rejecting the scars or the wounds of the past.

    Growth is experienced when we dress those wounds with understanding and acceptance, and when we caress those scars with love and affection.

    Looking for acceptance from others while rejecting ourselves, creates a tension within us that makes us defensive the moment they get close to revealing the shame that we still hold within us, about ourselves.

    It is that defensiveness that destroys yet another good relationship, as we hold them accountable for the very same reasons that we once rejected those who made bad decisions in response to the hurt that we caused in their hearts.

    This is how we sabotage the life we’re trying to create, while blaming the world for not accepting us.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Destroying the one we love

    Destroying the one we love

    When we look at ourselves with harshness or pity, we find reason to protect ourselves and others from what we see.

    We convince ourselves that we are a burden or a curse to those who deserve better than what we have to offer.

    Or, we convince ourselves that we won’t be able to bear them leaving, so we prevent them from getting close.

    But in so doing, we prevent ourselves from seeing in us what they may love about us.

    That’s when we reject them while believing that we’re only protecting them.

    It’s this self-loathing, or even this need to protect ourselves from being hurt by avoiding attachment that we cause the greatest hurt.

    The most troubled souls that I’ve encountered have been ones who yearned for emotional attachment with significant others that were emotionally inaccessible.

    When we protect others from ourselves, or we protect ourselves from others getting too close, we deny them access to our emotional space that may complete them, and vice versa.

    It is our entrusting to another the fragile parts of our soul that makes us feel human, or appreciated, or significant when they honour that trust in return.

    We only feel like we matter when we are not only loved by those we love, but by being allowed to love them in a way that is uniquely our expression of love for them.

    Anything less feels incomplete at best, and a betrayal at worst. Thus, some of the best intentions have resulted in the deepest cuts.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Contaminating the self

    Contaminating the self

    Self-worth is contaminated when we try to define it by the way we think others perceive us.

    Whether their perception is correct or not is irrelevant.

    The fact that their perception has more sway over our self-worth than our perception of ourselves is what determines the difference between a healthy self esteem, and an unhealthy one.

    Many struggle to connect with who they are in the absence of an external voice validating them.

    That external voice is not always aware of the validation that they provide because the one in need of such validation invests themselves in inspiring others to feel accomplished and amazing. [This is important!]

    When that investment is not well received, or is credited to someone other than the one making the investment, the self esteem of the investor is destroyed.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to servitude. We lose sight of our ability to serve, and become defined by how our service is appreciated, or rejected.

    Thus, are arrogant ones created. Arrogance being nothing more than a proclamation of the good in us that we need others to acknowledge.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Surrender to servitude

    Surrender to servitude

    We all want to be significant because of who we are. This is what defines our place or sense of belonging in this world.

    When we find reason to believe that we are not enough, we convince ourselves that we will only ever be valued for what we can do.

    That’s when we stop trying to make our mark by being true to ourselves, and instead become defined by our efforts to excel at what we do.

    When this mindset sets in, we actively seek opportunities to serve, or to be recognised for our accomplishments, and not for our humanness.

    This is how we dull our spirit, settle for being invisible, and deny the world our unique contribution of who we are because we convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter. That we don’t matter. That all that matters is what we can do for others on their terms because what we want will always be too much for those around us.

    Nothing could be further from the truth. But we’ll only truly matter when we learn to appreciate ourselves despite the rejection or betrayal that we may face from those around us.

    Each time we subdue our spirit, we give others permission to take us for granted. That’s how we give up the sweetness of life.

    [This is an Incomplete thought process, but one I believe to be worth sharing]

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock


  • Naturally you…only more beautiful

    Naturally you…only more beautiful

    Sometimes, we grow so fixated on our appearance that we forget that it’s that very fixation that causes blemishes.

    Our bodies are most at balance and ease when our emotional balance is optimal.

    There is no single definition of what optional means because we’re all unique in what we take from life, and what we aspire to create within it.

    The moment we focus on our aesthetics, we lose sight of what makes us unique, and risk losing ourselves to the validation of our appearance from others.

    This starts a vicious cycle of our physical form requiring more maintenance and nurturing than it would naturally need, convincing us that our focus on our physical state is reflective of how we care for our spiritual or emotional state.

    Simply stated, balance of beauty comes from within, whereas imbalance of spirit comes from without.

    OK, perhaps that wasn’t so simple, so here’s one more attempt to explain this simply.

    When you focus on your appearance, you will lose sight of your essence. Of the substance of who you are.

    Focus on your substance and your appearance will become a natural and beautifully balanced expression of who you are that will require no extended beauty regiments, and instead will leave you glowing without the need for synthetic products.

    It’s a while lit lies effort and much cheaper to maintain as well, with sustainable results.

    Struggling to find that balance? Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183, and let’s get you on track to creating the life that you’ve always dreamed of.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • It’s not always about you

    It’s not always about you

    The truth is, if you want to matter that much to someone else, shouldn’t they matter equally as much to you?

    If they do, and you find that they don’t have as much time for you as they used to, or are behaving differently to what you know them to be about, do you claim your privilege to be treated better than that, or do you show sincere concern for what they may be dealing with?

    Busting mental health myths is essential to break the cycle that feeds toxic victim mindsets.

    The problem with this meme is that is encourages self-centered perspectives and denies the struggles that someone else may be going through.

    Sometimes the ones we love may be so overwhelmed by what they’re going through that withdrawal from the world is the only way that they believe they can cope.

    It’s not about how much you may want them to lean on you, or take comfort from you. Sometimes, their battle with themselves drives them to want to protect others from the impact that it is having on them.

    Don’t be so quick to write people off. When you do that, you lose the right to ask others to give you the benefit of the doubt when you’re going through a struggle that no one else understands.

    Sacrificing what you need in favour of understanding someone you love, is sometimes the greatest gift of love you could give anyone. Even if they don’t realise it at the time.

    It’s about what you want to gift to them, not what you need from them that matters.