Destroying the one we love

When we look at ourselves with harshness or pity, we find reason to protect ourselves and others from what we see.

We convince ourselves that we are a burden or a curse to those who deserve better than what we have to offer.

Or, we convince ourselves that we won’t be able to bear them leaving, so we prevent them from getting close.

But in so doing, we prevent ourselves from seeing in us what they may love about us.

That’s when we reject them while believing that we’re only protecting them.

It’s this self-loathing, or even this need to protect ourselves from being hurt by avoiding attachment that we cause the greatest hurt.

The most troubled souls that I’ve encountered have been ones who yearned for emotional attachment with significant others that were emotionally inaccessible.

When we protect others from ourselves, or we protect ourselves from others getting too close, we deny them access to our emotional space that may complete them, and vice versa.

It is our entrusting to another the fragile parts of our soul that makes us feel human, or appreciated, or significant when they honour that trust in return.

We only feel like we matter when we are not only loved by those we love, but by being allowed to love them in a way that is uniquely our expression of love for them.

Anything less feels incomplete at best, and a betrayal at worst. Thus, some of the best intentions have resulted in the deepest cuts.

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