Tag: lifecoaching

  • Fleeting Thoughts X

    Fleeting Thoughts X

    If I were to write without restraint, would you see my soul or judge my sanity?

    Sanity is elusive when it competes with the heart.

    The heart is not satiated by the intellect, and the intellect cannot reason with the heart. They both swim in their own orbits.

    Like the sun and the moon, each orbit complements the other and are never truly isolated in their purpose.

    Purpose is recognised when we look beyond the fear and connect with the value that we hold within.

    The value we hold within is only considered valuable if it is allowed to create something larger than the sum of our lives.

    The sum of our lives must serve more than us, or else it feels inconsequential.

    To be of consequence is the heart of fulfilment.

    To share what we have is the root of fulfilment.

    Gratitude is the fulfilment of fulfilment.

    Fulfilment is denied when gratitude is withheld in the face of expectation.

    Expectation threatens our composure when we doubt our significance.

    Our composure is dependent on our perception of our flaws.

    We focus on our flaws and ignore the one who appreciates those flaws to be the very reason why we’re enough because we doubt our significance.

    Self-loathing is spawned by our belief that we’re flawed, rather than the reality that we’re human.

    To see our humanness requires us to gaze upon ourselves with empathy.

    Empathy is subdued through a life of dutiful servitude.

    Servitude denies our right to need or to expect, but cherishes our responsibility to fulfil the needs and rights of others.

    Rights and needs are most often claimed but seldom respected.

    When we forsake our rights and subdue our needs, we lose the sweetness of life and focus validation from others instead.

    Validation from others distills into bitterness as we grow aware of the conditional nature of such validation.

    Bitterness is the fruit of shame, and shame is born from judgement.

    Judgement demands that we view ourselves through the eyes of others, while wearing the lens of our own self-loathing.

    It is through this contaminated frame of reference that we shape our contribution to the world, and then judge the world harshly for not recognising our effort.

    Our contribution is first done selflessly, then selfishly. Trust is lost between the two motives.

    When trust is lost, love is abandoned and hope departs.

    When love and hope are absent, life’s passion is dulled, and servitude beckons.

    Servitude is the true opium of the masses because servitude deflects attention away from our worth, and directs attention to our utility.

    Utility is the saving grace of a life unfulfilled.

  • Don’t sell yourself short

    Don’t sell yourself short

    When you surrender your principles in exchange for affection, you give others permission to demand compromises rather than create understanding.

    Worse than this, when you make such a compromise, you undermine your worth in the relationship by giving up what you believe in, not because you changed your beliefs, but because you wanted to be accepted.

    Instead of upholding your truth, you settle for inclusion by those who don’t subscribe to your truth.

    After some time, when the price of that inclusion begins to take its toll, you’ll find yourself adrift without your principles to anchor you, and with the realisation that they never really accepted you in the first place.

    How could they if you didn’t reveal to them the truth of who you were?

    That’s when life feels empty or burdensome, and anger becomes the tool through which we demand our significance in those relationships because we were hoping that at some point they would see our sacrifice and appreciate us for it, only to discover that our sacrifice was never important to begin with.

    That anger is not always directed at those who didn’t appreciate us. Often, it’s directed at ourselves for not being good enough.

    Think carefully before you compromise who you are just so that you can fit in. Every compromise comes at a cost. Be sure that you’re willing to pay the cost before you lose yourself in the process.

  • Fear breeds sadness

    Fear breeds sadness

    Fear creates more sadness than heartbreak ever will.

    Fear keeps us anchored in a moment that has long since passed.

    Fear convinces us that we need to be protected from what we previously experienced, while distracting us from the wisdom and strength that we gained from that experience.

    Fear prompts us to look for signs and evidence that what we fear may once again be approaching, and distracts us from the signs and evidence that what we hope for is within reach.

    Like everything that destroys, fear requires little effort because it is a self-sustaining cycle.

    Hope, on the feet hand, requires courage.

    Hope demands that we reconnect with who we are before that last bitter encounter.

    Hope is not for the meek. When we succumb to fear, the meek prevail and life loses its sweetness.



  • Fearfully hopeful

    Fearfully hopeful

    Patience is only patience when it is the foundation of hope. Not when it is the pacifier of fear.

    Hope is the currency of growth, whereas fear is what breeds decay.

    To patiently await the decay of what we hold dear is not patience, it is surrender.

    To hope, despite the apparent futility that stares us down, is the ultimate rebellion against fear.

    To patiently persevere is therefore to continue fighting for that which brings us love and happiness, especially when the circumstances of our lives will warrant a surrender.

    It is this beautiful patience that holds the promise of a heart filled with love, or a life fraught with pain.

    When we lose sight of the outcome that we hope to achieve, we surrender to fear and settle for the familiarity of the pain that we once yearned to escape.

    Surrender must never be an option.

    Fa sabrun jameel…

    Photo credit: Adobe stock

  • Trading off the best of me

    Trading off the best of me

    If kindness and compassion are a reflection of who we are, there can be no prerequisite for anyone to have to deserve it, or to earn it from us.

    How we express it towards them may take different forms, including tough love.

    But it is our intention behind that tough love, and how we follow through with it, that determines if it was indeed inspired by kindness and compassion, or by anger or frustration.

    The moment we expect someone to earn our kindness, respect, or any other virtue that we claim to possess, we lose that virtue and replace it with arrogance.

    Arrogance is a result of a low self esteem.

    There is no reason to demand recognition of our contribution if we truly appreciate the value of what we contribute.

    Therefore, we diminish ourselves by trading with others that which we should be valuing within ourselves.

    Express the beauty of you despite the bitterness of those around you.

    It may be the very catalyst needed to break the cycle of your life that you so despise.

  • Fear or hope? Choose wisely

    Fear or hope? Choose wisely

    Fear drives us towards protecting ourselves from a difficult past, while convincing us that we’re investing in a better future.

    If we were truly investing in the future, fear of the past repeating itself would not feature in our efforts towards growth and new beginnings.

    It is fear that manifests as illness or disease in our bodies, before any external threat overcomes us.

    Fear robs us of what we have in the present moment.

    When the present moment is lost, the future becomes a mirror into the past.

    The cycle of fear is perpetuated as we find evidence of the past threatening to contaminate the future…and so the spiral continues until either it breaks, or we do.

    When fear drives us, we look for, and find evidence that confirms our fears.

    When we look for evidence that invalidates the fear, we’ll find reason to forge ahead with hope and courage, recognising that harbouring hope is already confirmation of our courage to rise above the fear.

    What will you choose today?













  • Last words don’t always matter

    Last words don’t always matter

    Last words are only needed when we still care about what others think.

    Hoping to set the record straight about incorrect assumptions that someone may make of us is most often due to us still caring about their opinion of us.

    Importantly though, their opinion will only matter if they still matter to us.

    And they only matter to us if we still believe that they’re capable of being better than who they are, and we still want to influence them to be that better version of themselves.

    This is one of the roots of expectation in our relationships…often relationships that are no longer serving us well.

    And it’s this expectation or need to be influential in their lives that continues to hold us back when trying to move on from a relationship that isn’t working.

    Your self-worth is not dependent on how you are able to influence others. However, it is a reflection of your worth to them.

    Recognise this critical difference and choose dignity and self-respect before you choose to sacrifice yourself in the hope of inspiring their virtues.

    Maintaining hope that they will one day realise what they need to about themselves, without expecting them to trust your input about their potential, is one of the most effective ways to break the hold of the expectations that keep you invested in a bad relationship.

    Letting go of those expectations creates space within you to allow yourself to express to the world your virtues, rather than holding back while waiting for others to appreciate you first.

  • More than a wish

    More than a wish

    Wishing it’s a sunny day when it’s raining is not going to make the sun come out.

    Leaving your umbrella behind is therefore an act of foolishness, not optimism.

    Optimism without evidence or action, or both, is a delusion we use to cope with an unpleasant reality.

    Wishing away reality only allows that unpleasantness to fester and gain momentum, because natural cycles that are not disrupted by deliberate action will continue to grow in strength.

    Let your optimism be based on your belief in the effectiveness of your efforts, not in wishes that have no support in becoming real.

    And faith, of course. But faith is the basis of optimism, and faith, without effort, is simply wishful thinking.

    Start by taking action, and then have faith that your action will create opportunities to achieve your goals.

    Do this, and optimism will take care of itself.