Blog

  • Be exceptional

    Be exceptional

    If we focus on the exception, we’ll realise what is possible.

    If we focus on the norm, we’ll surrender to what we think is inevitable.

    This is at the heart of mediocrity versus excellence.

    There are those that look at trends and try to follow, and those that focus on value and pursue a better path. Wanting to lead doesn’t drive their agenda.

    Leadership is a natural consequence of acting with conviction in wanting to realise the value that you believe will benefit others.

    Stop being distracted by the norms you see around you so that you’ll be able to recognise the potential beyond it.



  • Expecting hope

    Expecting hope

    Expectations are simply hopes with a sense of entitlement.

    The reason for our entitlement to the fulfilment of our hopes are many. Most often, they’re based on what we contributed towards others.

    Sometimes we want that contribution reciprocated because we don’t want to allow others to treat us unfairly, or to take us for granted.

    But sometimes, we hold on to that entitlement because we want the treasures of who we are to be handled with love and gentleness by a specific other.

    Both are based on the hope of what the outcome offers us in happiness and fulfilment. Or even just in achieving a sense of significance.

    Unfortunately, if expectations are not mutually honoured, it becomes a burden for one, and a prison for the other.

    The good news is, both are choices. The burden and the prison. But they weigh us down until we recognise that they’re choices.

    More importantly, until we are willing to let go of the choice to hold on after we’ve exhausted all efforts to achieve its fulfilment, it will continue to feel like a burden or a prison that is imposed, and not one that is chosen.

    Choose wisely…choose consciously.

  • The delusion of life

    The delusion of life

    A life without introspection is nothing but a delusion.

    Assuming that you know yourself without truly knowing yourself leads to many regrets because of poorly informed decisions.

    Introspection allows us to learn from the lessons of the past by revealing our contribution towards its outcomes.

    Mindfulness allows us to apply those lessons in the present moment.

    Ignoring both leads us towards believing that we’re entitled to being treated well simply because we are well intentioned, while ignoring the impact of our actions on those around us.

    Stop to reflect, so that your reflection may keep you true to the path that you wish your life to take.

  • For all you unconventional moms

    For all you unconventional moms

  • The nuance of a good life

    The nuance of a good life

    It’s not the blatant acts of disrespect or rejection that hurt us the most, it’s the subtle gestures that leave room for doubt or interpretation that leave deep scars.

    Nuance thrives in those subtle gestures because nuance is what allows us to avoid conflict, or resist commitment. It allows us a graceful exit for just-in-case so that we can claim that we didn’t mean it that way, or that they misunderstood.

    Nuance is the art of saying more than you’re willing to say without actually saying it. Like the subtle brush of your hand against your partner in company when a full-blown embrace or heavy patting may be frowned upon. Or perhaps when you smile a half smile and don’t return the kiss to avoid an argument.

    Nuance allows us to test boundaries, and to test our significance in someone else’s life. We throw subtle hints about what we want, but won’t speak out openly about it because we don’t want to create reason for doubt within ourselves about whether they responded out of obligation, or because they sincerely wanted to make us happy.

    Nuance allows us to see if someone is ready to accept what we want to offer, without actually offering it, so that we protect ourselves from a hurtful rejection.

    There are parts of who we are that we’ve embraced so fiercely that no amount of ridicule will ever shame us about it. But there are parts of ourselves that we hide because we want to only give that one special person the power to handle it. It defines the sanctity of who we are, and solemnises the trust that we wish to place in them.

    It’s a vulnerability that we embrace and cherish because in its handling lies the essence of the bond that we wish to share with that special one.

    It’s the expectation willingly courted that holds the joy of fulfilment if fulfilled, or destroys hope if left hopelessly ignored.

    Once spoken, doubt is subdued and expectation justified.

    The unspoken word has destroyed more hope and created more angst than any revelation of love, or its denial.

    If left unspoken, it remains a torture within, without any claim to relief from the one in whose hands your joy rests, waiting to be roused into being.

    Perhaps it is in our efforts to protect ourselves or others through withholding what we don’t wish to impose on them that we destroy the very joy that we hope they will find without us, or us without them.

  • Embrace your greatness

    Embrace your greatness

    There is greatness in all of us.

    Problem is, if we don’t get recognition from others about our greatness, we assume the greatness is not so great, instead of realising that they’re too distracted to notice.

    That’s when we give up on that greatness and instead embrace something trivial that will attract their attention.

    Then, when we get their attention, we assume we’ve achieved something great when in fact we just did something that is momentarily popular.

    And that’s how we fail to change the world.

    We grow old feeling like we were cheated out of greatness, but forget that we traded our greatness for acceptance and validation.

    Be greater than that. You’ve got it in you to do it.

    Photo credit: Naadirah Ismail

  • Who says you’re not enough?

    Who says you’re not enough?

    If you need to remind yourself that you’re enough, you convinced yourself that you weren’t enough.

    No one can do that to you without your agreement or consent.

    Reminders, or affirmations have their place in getting us back on track when we become distracted from the truth of who we are.

    The moment we need to do either beyond a moment in time, it means that we stopped believing what was once a truth, and now need to find reason to convince ourselves that we’re capable of being that way again.

    While there may be truth in that thought process, it also means that we’ve yet to believe that we are what we think we could be, and we therefore convince ourselves that it’s not true in the present moment, but may be true at some future point.

    Again, this way of thinking simply reinforces the belief that we’re not who we want to be.

    The question therefore is, by whose standard are we judging ourselves when we see ourselves as being less than who we think we are?

    If we were judging ourselves by our own standard, our reflections would be an assessment of our growth, rather than a need to convince ourselves that we’re something or someone that we’re not.

  • Don’t be the victim oppressor

    Don’t be the victim oppressor

    Every decision we take has an impact on us, and on those around us.

    If we only consider one side of that equation, we’ll either become victims by denying ourselves of what we need in favour of pleasing everyone else, or we’ll become oppressors by pleasing ourselves and denying the rights of everyone else.

    Finding a balance between the two brings us closer to experiencing joy in our lives.

    When we find that we deny ourselves of what we need, it’s because we’re waiting for someone else to convince us that we’re worth it.

    When we deny others what they need from us, we’re convinced that they don’t deserve us.

    Both mindsets lead to an emptiness that is hard to understand.

    Fulfilment and joy in life is found in striking a healthy balance between the two.

    If you’re struggling to find that balance, check out my books, or connect with me for affordable life coaching sessions.

    Video sessions available to wherever you are in the world.

    More details on my website at zaidismail.com