Category: Love

  • Enabling our oppressors

    Enabling our oppressors

    We only give others permission to disrespect us when we disrespect ourselves first.

    Disrespect of the self takes many shapes and forms including compromising our values for personal gain, accepting abuse from fear of abandonment, restraining our contribution from fear of rejection, and more.

    When treating ourselves with disrespect becomes the norm, accepting disrespect becomes the theme of our lives.

    Reclaiming our space in relationships with significant others then becomes a struggle, because without realising it, we gave them permission to treat us badly.

    Of course, the fact that they may have taken up the opportunity to treat us badly confirms their disrespect for themselves as well.

    And that’s how we end up in relationships where respect is optional, and being together becomes a matter of convenience that we justify in many ways, including doing it for the children, not wanting to be seen as a failure, nor wanting to return to our parent’s home and bringing shame to them, not wanting to be alone, and more.

    That’s when life becomes empty, and joy is replaced with bitterness. Break that cycle before it breaks you, because when you’re broken, you become a liability to this world, rather than a blessing.

    And this world has enough social liabilities already. Please be better than that. You deserve it, and so does everyone around you.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • An Incomplete Love Story – Author’s note

    An Incomplete Love Story – Author’s note

    A note from the author for my novel, An Incomplete Love Story

    This story was inspired by true events.

    Some, my own but many based on incidents that I witnessed in the colourful domains of my life.

    It is a story of an often-overlooked community.

    Caught at the intersection of cultural pride while fighting for relevance in a rapidly evolving world, the South African Muslim Indian community is replete with prejudices from religious, political, and cultural influences.

    Good intentions rarely paved the pathway to heaven. But, understanding those intentions in the face of the carnage that the resulting actions impose on the innocents is what breathes life into a decaying soul.

    It is this that motivated me to write this novel.

    That is, my hope to draw attention towards the contamination of the good by the misguided prejudices of a sincere but deeply flawed community.

    ~ Zaid.


  • To give up silently

    To give up silently

    “When you give up on something, it becomes a weighty silence that you carry within you for the rest of your life.

    It’s a quiet acceptance that what once was the centre of your being will never be a part of your being again.

    The silence is the only gesture that will honour such loss, such surrender.

    And when anyone asks, if they even know to ask, all you can muster as a response is a sheepish grin and an involuntary shrug, hoping to appear nonchalant enough to hide the pain and the shame that you struggled with in the tortured darkness all those lonely, distraught nights.

    That’s how the light fades, and the dullness replaces the enthusiasm that once defined your spirit.

    Only, there’s no one looking close enough to notice. So your shame remains safe, and your heart, incomplete.”

    Another excerpt from the manuscript threatening to bleed out of my heart and onto the keyboard.

    From the sequel to my novel, this is a piece that may make it into my next novel titled, Taqdeer: A dance with destiny.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • It starts and ends with gratitude

    It starts and ends with gratitude

    Many struggle with achieving a sense of fulfilment in their lives because they have yet to appreciate, with sincerity, the value that they hold within themselves.

    We only make ourselves truly available in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, if we believe that who we are will be valued by others.

    The irony is that gratitude for who we are is needed before we see fit to share anything of ourselves with others, while sharing the same is the first step towards experiencing the gratitude of fulfilment.

    Such conundrums are common in our efforts to live a life of purpose.

    Purpose is not found in the acquisition of valuables for ourselves, but rather in the creation of value for others.

    I think in there lies the secret to experiencing any sense of peace in this lifetime.

    When we protect ourselves from the possibility of rejection, we deny ourselves the very fulfilment we need to feel complete, and therefore create opportunities for bitterness or regret to take hold in our lives.

    It all starts with gratitude, and fulfilment is sealed with gratitude.

    Be grateful for how your journey shaped you into who you are, so that you stop holding others accountable for your happiness.

    [This was a difficult thought process to articulate. Hope it makes sense.]

  • This is going to hurt

    This is going to hurt

    Another excerpt from a manuscript slowly taking shape in my head. From the sequel to my novel, this is Taqdeer: A dance with destiny.

    In this scene, the main character, Zayd, once more finds himself faced with the betrayal of one close to him, but it’s not enough to deter him from remaining defiant against the odds.

    “Eventually, I get tired of dodging the bullet and instead I stand, square-shouldered, facing the onslaught with eyes wide open, my heart gently ticking away in my chest, waiting for what I always knew was inevitable. Knowing that it will hit me hard, but defiantly standing there waiting to see exactly how hard it’s going to hit.”

    Will his love story ever be completed? Or is life only ever meant to be an exercise in fulfilling duty towards those who have rights over him?

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Know your place

    Know your place

    What if it wasn’t about the struggles, but about what we lost sight of that created those struggles?

    What if 2020 was needed to tamper our arrogance, or to test our gratitude?

    To remind us of the mortality of our dreams, and the reality of our shortcomings?

    To give us reason to pause and observe, rather than race on with assumptions?

    To remind us of our place in this world, as we persisted in acquiring that which we did not earn?

    2020 was a year of brutal truths and harsh realities.

    Of love and loss, and joy and grief. Like every other year of our lives.

    Only, in 2020, we were significantly constrained in our ability to distract ourselves from these grounding realities.

    2021 will be no different because the change in year doesn’t change our reality.

    Our reality only changes when we change our perspectives.

    If nothing else, let the gift of 2020 be a healthier perspective about life, and about your self.

    Oh, and remember to breathe…

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • The twins of love and pain

    The twins of love and pain

    We see in the world around us that which occupies the most space in our hearts.

    When our hearts are filled with love and affection, we find no place for hate or bitterness.

    When we hold space in our life for justice for past oppression, we prevent that space from being filled with the love that we may receive in the present moment.

    The need for justice often overwhelms any prospect of happiness because we feel denied as long as those who caused us pain live without consequence.

    When we’re filled with the rage of revenge, or the need for justice, any approaching love or affection appears as a threat for further pain because the possibility of betrayal is still clearly etched in the pain from the past that has yet to be reconciled.

    Healing then becomes dependent on justice, and life is put on hold. That holding pattern serves as a constant reminder of the injustice that we suffered, or the betrayal that cut so deeply.

    Thus, the oppression of the past contaminates the present, and denies us a future of the very happiness we hope to experience.

    But, when our rage convinces us that love and pain are twins, the promise of peace becomes a threat, and the holding pattern of pain becomes a comfort. Thus, we become unavailable to those who love us, and remain committed to seeking vengeance against those who thrive on our misery.

  • Sometimes, our struggles need us

    Sometimes, our struggles need us

    A line that might make it into the final draft of my new novel.

    “And I think you’ll realise that the struggles of your life were not simply struggles intended for you, they were moments that were in need of only what you were capable of offering to make them better than they were.”

    This is from a scene where Zayd, the main character, tries to comfort someone he deeply admires, and loves, after she has been through a horribly abusive relationship.

    Will his ineptitude at human connections and emotional expression fail him yet again? You’ll have to read the sequel to find out.

    In the meantime, if you haven’t read the first part of this series, you can order your copy now from my website at zaidismail.com or via Amazon or Kindle.

    Taqdeer: A dance with destiny, follows on from An Incomplete Love Story, revealing the struggles of life in a dystopian culture, distorted by classism and the caste system.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock