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  • Own your demons

    Own your demons

    When faced with the brutal aggression or harshness from another, it’s easy to convince ourselves that they treat us that way because of how they feel about us.

    Unless we’ve done something to specifically provoke them by treating them in a way that undermines their dignity or the trust that they placed in us, their behaviour is not because of who we are to them, but rather because of what we represent from their past.

    The victim rarely expresses their rage at an overwhelming aggressor, so such rage builds up until they find a safe space in which to release it.

    That safe space is someone who they can control or subdue. Someone who reminds them of their inadequacy which sends them into a blind rage to want to protect themselves from ever feeling inadequate again.

    Because that’s what anger is. That’s what rage does. It’s a defence against being vulnerable, or feeling abused, neglected, or taken for granted.

    Recognising these signs in others will save you the anguish of questioning your self worth, and more importantly, it will save others from becoming the outlet of the rage that builds up within you because of the ill treatment that you received at the hands of someone else’s demons.

    Break the cycle, beloved. Breathe. Take stock. And reclaim your voice that was surrendered to the angry battles that were not of your doing.

    If you’re struggling to reconcile your experiences at the hands of a troubled soul, or if you’re trying to understand the source of the rage that threatens to destroy everything good in your life, reach out and let’s work through it together.

    Contact me via WhatsApp on +27836599183 or via my website at zaidismail.com and together we can create the life that you’ve always wanted.

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  • The pain of being empty

    The pain of being empty

    When we’re overcome with the pain of betrayal, or loss, our focus is often on what we no longer have, rather than the gaping hole that it left in our soul.

    We try to reconcile the events or the mysteries that led up to that moment when what we cherished was suddenly taken.

    Sometimes taken by fate, but at other times taken by force.

    We feel violated when we’re left vacant. When the space we once reserved for one we cherished was abandoned without reason, or for all the wrong reasons.

    When the reasons are easily overcome, if only they’d be willing to overcome it with us.

    When we see in them what they refuse to see in themselves.

    Or when they give up hope for what they need from fear of losing it, again. So they protect themselves from us, not because of who we are, but because of how they were betrayed before us.

    That’s when we need to sit quietly with that gaping hole and find in it the peace that absence promises. It’s a peace found in the absence of expectation, or in the presence of calm.

    But calm is elusive when we’re fighting to get back what is not ours to claim. That’s when pain sets in. That’s when the gaping hole becomes a suffocating mess, rather than a passing anguish.

    Be still, beloved. Be composed. Be at peace knowing that the best of you will never be good enough for those who are not good enough for themselves.

    Their demons are your pain only because you see the beauty that they never tasted.

    Don’t give up that beauty because of their bitter tongue. Their bitterness is theirs to savour, and yours to abandon. Breathe…

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  • Trading your future for your past

    Trading your future for your past

    How much of life is wasted trying to reconcile the bad experiences of the past?

    For every moment that we spend dwelling on an injustice or oppression against us in the past, we impose an injustice and oppression on ourselves and others in the present moment.

    The present moment is what takes care of the future. That’s why we have much hopelessness and little inspiration to create a beautiful life for ourselves.

    When beauty appears, we are more inclined to reminisce about how it was lost or destroyed in the past, so we focus on protecting ourselves from such pain in the future, by discarding the beauty of the present moment.

    When the present moment is lost to the bad experiences of the past, we effectively trade our future for the pain of the past.

    That’s how life slips by while we watch from the sidelines waiting for justice.

    Waiting for fairness.

    Waiting to be appreciated.

    Waiting to be seen.

    Waiting for happiness.

    Waiting…stop waiting beloved. The same way you were able to create beauty amidst the horror, you are capable of creating beauty from the ashes of the life you once invested in.

    You were the source of that beauty, not them.

    Breathe, beloved. Breathe…exhale the toxins of who they were, and inhale the hope of the beauty that you are still capable of creating.

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  • Surrender to servitude

    Surrender to servitude

    We all want to be significant because of who we are. This is what defines our place or sense of belonging in this world.

    When we find reason to believe that we are not enough, we convince ourselves that we will only ever be valued for what we can do.

    That’s when we stop trying to make our mark by being true to ourselves, and instead become defined by our efforts to excel at what we do.

    When this mindset sets in, we actively seek opportunities to serve, or to be recognised for our accomplishments, and not for our humanness.

    This is how we dull our spirit, settle for being invisible, and deny the world our unique contribution of who we are because we convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter. That we don’t matter. That all that matters is what we can do for others on their terms because what we want will always be too much for those around us.

    Nothing could be further from the truth. But we’ll only truly matter when we learn to appreciate ourselves despite the rejection or betrayal that we may face from those around us.

    Each time we subdue our spirit, we give others permission to take us for granted. That’s how we give up the sweetness of life.

    [This is an Incomplete thought process, but one I believe to be worth sharing]

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  • To tell your story

    To tell your story

    Sometimes, we grow obsessed with finding a receptive heart to appreciate the story of who we are.

    It’s a story that we cherish so dearly that just the thought of placing it in careless hands is frightening.

    It becomes a weight that we carry within us, keeping us anchored to moments long gone, but moments that we dare not forget.

    Such moments grow to define us well beyond its occurrence, holding us back from creating new moments of joy.

    That’s what we lose sight of most. Holding onto the weight of the past prevents us from rising up once more.

    When we tell our story, even if whispering it to the wind, we give our thoughts and emotions a form and a space that allows us to see it beyond the fear and the shame that shrouded it within us.

    We allow ourselves to finally see ourselves beyond the wounds that we thought would forever define our place in this world, because finally, we allow ourselves to see the old version of who we were, through the eyes of the current version of who we are.

    But we must be sure to be looking at ourselves through our own eyes. The moment we find ourselves judging that older version of who we were, or even who we are now, we’re not looking at ourselves through our own eyes. We’re looking at ourselves through the eyes of those whose validation we’ve been chasing for so long.

    Breathe beloved, and look at yourself with kindness and understanding, not with the harshness or intolerance that defined the bitterness of others.

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  • Rocks don’t bleed

    Rocks don’t bleed

    Sometimes your tears are a mourning of what was, and at other times it’s a yearning for what could have been.

    More than this, it’s a path to the gentleness of your soul that is oppressed by the trials of life.

    When your heart stops yearning for what was, or what you wish could be different, your tears begin to forge a new path. A path towards the hope that you struggle to subdue.

    Just like rocks do not bleed, a hardened heart cannot cry. Beloved, take joy from the gentleness that you still possess despite the horrors of your past.

    Any bitterness that we court denies us the joy that we deserve, and any joy that we court denies them the bitterness that they hoped to share.

    Their bitterness is their heritage of a trial that is not yours to bear.

    Breathe, beloved. Breathe. And know that your tears, if shed for them, holds no value for a hardened heart.

    If tears must flow, let it flow to forge new paths of joy to replace the failed hopes of the past. But celebrate your tears as testament to the beauty of your soul, and not as regrets for having invested in a heart that was closed to joy.

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  • Uniquely you

    Uniquely you

    When trying to fit in feels burdensome or overwhelming, it may be time to consider that you were created for a purpose greater than just imitating the behaviour of others.

    Recognising the uniqueness of who we are becomes difficult if we spend our lives focused on meeting the expectations of others in the hope that we will be accepted.

    When we withhold our uniqueness from fear of being ridiculed or rejected, we also deny others the opportunity to experience what is unique about us.

    Striking a balance between being true to ourselves and finding a space for ourselves in this world is therefore important.

    Claiming our space without consideration for how it is received undermines the value that we hope to create in the lives of others.

    It’s through sharing our uniqueness with that of others that we are able to create a new beautiful whole, whereas fitting in with everyone else only maintains the status quo.

    Joy is found in striking a balance between being true to your uniqueness, while creating space in your life for the uniqueness of another.

    Be true to yourself, but always be purposeful, and authentic.

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  • Contortions of reality

    Contortions of reality

    It is my belief in the good that is possible that has been the cause of my greatest regrets when I realised that I was alone in seeing the world that way.

    It’s that same belief that has driven me towards offering myself into spaces for which I was inadequate, or social circles for which I was lacking.

    My inability to recognise the signs of insincerity because I was convinced that it was simply fear, has resulted in some of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt about my place in this world.

    It’s the same belief in the wonderment of life that has shredded the romantic fool in me when the reality beyond my perception revealed the truth of my misplaced fascination.

    There are days when life feels more enchanting than a fable of love that has endured generations of cynicism. And then there are days when it feels like nothing more than a fib.

    My inclination towards flowery language has heaped much ridicule on me through the years, given the uneducated fool that I am. But when you struggle to articulate your experience of this contorted life, knowingly persisting in doing that which earns ridicule after being celebrated, you take an inevitable step towards finally seeing this world for what it is.

    Assuming that such clarity of vision is even possible is further testament to the naivety that always gets the better of my reason, and overwhelms my heart with possibility, even when staring impossibility in the face.

    It’s a recipe for much heartache and even more pain. But the sliver of hope that holds the promise of the remote probability that I may just be right about my perception of what is possible leaves me incapable of living any other way.

    Such is the nature of the fool in me. The one who loves deeply, expects little, and fails a lot. But it was my naivety towards such failure that has been the most incredible teacher of my life.