Category: Life Coaching

  • A hospital for dented egos

    A hospital for dented egos

    I’ve seen, and experienced first hand, the disaster that awaits when we convince ourselves that the demons that others deal with is our responsibility to resolve.

    Being kind, compassionate, and even understanding does not mean that we must own the decisions that others have made, especially when those decisions include them choosing to hold on to anger from their past instead of embracing the opportunities of the future.

    Remember that you can only offer someone a hand up, you cannot make them rise.

    The same way that you must own your shit, you are responsible for giving them every opportunity to own theirs.

    And that includes not making yourself available as a doormat to them when they’re not owning it.


    You’re not a hospital for the wounded egos of others.

    Compassion doesn’t mean that you must be a martyr.

    Sacrificing yourself to uplift another not only reflects ingratitude on your part for who you are and what you have, it denies your contribution of love to those that have a right to it, including yourself.

    Moderation in everything, and everything in moderation.

    Embrace your life fully, not only its struggles.

  • Don’t wish away life

    Don’t wish away life

    Perspective is what makes the difference between feeling trialed, versus experiencing growth.

    The narrative that keeps reminding us that it’s a cruel world and that we must struggle to survive, distracts us from our contribution towards that cruel world.

    When things don’t go our way, we must remember the times when we were faced with unexpected difficulties and how we overcame them.

    But don’t focus on the amount of times you were faced with difficulties and wish that it would stop.

    Focus on the fact that despite your unpreparedness, you were able to overcome the difficulties.

    We cannot control what life throws at us. We can only do our best to either overcome it and move on, or find opportunity in it to create something beautiful or valuable.

    Recognising your abilities and appreciating the resources that you have access to will help you to remain focused on being purposeful rather than feeling burdened.

    Life is a passion that must be lived. And passion is never appreciated if it isn’t accompanied by some pain. Otherwise we take it for granted, and it ceases to be a passion of ours.

    That’s what wishing away trials and realities do for us. It robs us of our passion, and turns us into meek victims waiting for life to treat us kinder.

    Rise above it. Live passionately. Love deeply. And don’t waste life away worrying about could’ve and should’ve.

    Make every moment count.

  • Are you really you?

    Are you really you?

    We often speak of not letting go of our inner child. But, I always wonder why does it have to be something we hold within?

    Why can’t we embrace the innocence of our childish charms in everything that we do?

    Or did we take away that permission from ourselves when someone once said, “Act your age!”?

    What does it mean to act your age?

    Who defines what that should look like?

    Why do we want to fit in so badly, that we deny who we are when our playfulness may make some old fart feel uncomfortable about their soured soul?

    Stop waiting for permission to enjoy this fleeting life.

    We wait for permission when we look for a specific reaction before we fully commit.

    Or when we restrain ourselves from doing something because someone said it’s not age-appropriate.

    Worst of all, we wait for permission when we withhold who we are because we are disappointed that we’re not appreciated by those around us.

    That’s when we grow old focusing on the struggles of life, rather than reminiscing about the joys.

    Think back to a joyful moment, and it will feel like time flies.

    But think back to a painful moment, and suddenly life feels too long.

    All because we waited for permission before we embraced who we are. Child and all.

  • Build your village

    Build your village

    We’re bombarded every day with messages that try to convince us to put ourselves first.

    To protect ourselves from being taken for granted.

    To demand our rights.

    To claim our voice.

    To claim our space.

    And yes, all of that is important. But…

    What about what we’re required to contribute?

    Who reminds us of our responsibilities before they remind us to claim our rights?

    Or to make space for others in our lives before we demand that they make space for us?

    Weakness is born in the belief that if we don’t take care of ourselves, no one else will.

    Again, while that may have some truth in it, it also entrenches the belief that we must receive before we can give.

    It focuses our attention on threats, rather than opportunities to create something new and amazing.

    It convinces us that there must be something in it for us, before we are willing to act selflessly towards benefiting others.

    Individualism has robbed us of the beauty of belonging to a village. We need to build that village before we can hope to take comfort from what it offers.

    Give, create, contribute. Not because you need something in return, but because it is a sincere expression of who you are.

  • Mediocrity is the enemy of life

    Mediocrity is the enemy of life

    How often do you hold back so that you don’t ruffle feathers?

    Maybe you hold back because you don’t want to be the odd one out?

    Or perhaps you withhold what you’re capable of because you don’t want anyone to think that you are arrogant, or full of yourself, or trying to steal the limelight?

    When we focus more on what others think of us, than we do on the value of what we want to create, we surrender who we are, for what we think they want us to be.

    Mediocrity is celebrated by those who wish to be included.

    It is celebrated by those who want to be liked.

    Mediocrity is what maintains the status quo, or worse, allows us to slip into becoming irrelevant.

    It is the bold and the courageous.

    The ones who challenge conventions with purpose.

    The ones who don’t settle for what they have the moment they connect with the real life value of what could be better.

    They’re the ones that lead without meaning to.

    They’re the ones that uplift without expecting something in return.

    They’re the ones that create the fascinating experiences that offer a fulfilling life to the ones who celebrate mediocrity.

    Mediocrity is the enemy of progress.

    Mediocrity is the enemy of growth.

    Be careful of taking joy from being celebrated for what you know is not your best effort. Otherwise you may end up holding on to that accolade, from fear of not being able to achieve it if you push yourself beyond it.

    Live curiously. Live purposefully. Live loud. Don’t just exist. Live!

  • Release the bitterness

    Release the bitterness

    I often wonder how much good is denied to the world when love stories remain incomplete?

    We often see quotes reminding us that the next great discovery could be in the mind of a child labourer stuck working in a field.

    Similarly, how much beauty is wasted when treasured bonds are abandoned for reasons other than what exists between them? Beauty of which the world is in desperate need.

    Just as beauty is born of love, so too is bitterness born of loss.

    I wonder what of the troubles of this world is caused by broken hearts, rather than wilful greed?

    It is the sense of loss, or inadequacy in the eyes of those most cherished, that our worst behaviour comes to the fore.

    But there is value even in that.

    If not for still holding on to hope, such an expression of rage or harm would not have any purpose.

    It is only when we still have hope of our pain being consequential that we choose to share our discontent with the world.

    Therefore, it is not the raging lunatic that is most hurt, but the silent one who has no hope of being seen.

    Sometimes their silence is the build up to the storm of destruction that they need to unleash in their final attempt to be heard.

    But often, it’s the abandonment of dreams that perhaps the world really needed.

  • Are you in an abusive relationship…with you?

    Are you in an abusive relationship…with you?

    It’s women’s day in South Africa.

    A public holiday dedicated to recognising the value and contribution of women in society.

    My hope for this day is that we find the gentleness and nurturing spirit innate in women, and we give it an opportunity to thrive in our own lives, regardless of gender.

    Don’t be your harshest critic. Be your most sincere one.

    We’re often so focused on how others treat us, that we fail to recognise how badly we treat ourselves.

    Is the tone of your internal conversation one of understanding and growth, or harsh judgement and fear?

    When you have your internal conversation, do you refer to yourself by your name, or do you say ‘You’?

    Recognising these simple points will give you important insights into how you see yourself.

    Remember that we cannot give what we don’t have, so if you treat yourself harshly, chances are very good that you’re treating others harshly as well.

    Always a good time to reflect and correct the path we’re on.

  • Gratitude spawns respect

    Gratitude spawns respect

    Disrespect is often followed by discipline, or some other form of consequence management.

    While there is a need to correct bad behaviour, we can either spend our lives correcting that behaviour, or we can recognise that it’s a symptom of something else.

    That something else is the absence of gratitude.

    No. Not gratitude for what we have. Because that’s the other mistake we make.

    When we consider what we’re grateful for, we look around us, but rarely within.

    This is true for all humans, children and adults alike.

    Disrespect is a form of anger.

    Anger is a defence mechanism used to demand significance when we feel insignificant.

    Respond to the anger, and you lose sight of why there is insignificance.

    Just like responding to the disrespect only will cause you to lose sight of the absence of gratitude within the one who is behaving disrespectfully.

    That ingratitude is based on the belief that we’re not good enough. And we believe we’re not good enough only when we don’t value who we are, and what benefit others obtain from our contribution or our presence.

    Remember, you cannot nurture something that you’re not aware of.

    That’s why we take ourselves and others for granted, and end up being dismissive, disrespectful, or abusive, because we lost sight of the good within us, or them. Or both.

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