Category: Life Coaching

  • You judge others as you judge yourself

    You judge others as you judge yourself

    The irony of helping others out of the dark spaces in their lives is that when they emerge, they’re often inclined to avoid you because you remind them of a time when they were weak.

    When we believe that such weakness is deplorable, we remain weak.

    When we view ourselves through the lens of weak versus strong, good versus bad, and so on, we are judging ourselves and others, rather than trying to understand what got us into such states.

    There is a time and a place for judgement. But that time and place is only when we need to stop an oppression from taking place.

    Beyond that moment, we must focus on understanding the human struggle behind that behaviour, or else we diminish the struggle of the one who behaved badly, giving them ever more reason to continue behaving badly. Or worse.

    Gratitude for our moments of weakness is not possible if we still carry a sense of shame about our weakened state.

    It’s one thing to regret what we did and to put in the effort to make up for it. But it’s not the same as carrying shame within us that we need to hide from the world.

    That need to hide our shame from the world is how we judge ourselves harshly and then look for evidence of others judging us.

    That’s often the reason for our defensiveness or aggression in response to any mention of what we once did wrong.

    When you find yourself judging yourself or others harshly, it means that you have yet to appreciate the reasons for your weakness or have yet to connect with your humanness.

    You’ll only allow others to be human when you believe that you’re allowed to be human.

    Right there is the path to peace in your life.

  • Live life. Really, live it.

    Live life. Really, live it.

    How do you cheat life? You focus on what you don’t have, instead of what you can give.

    We’re hard-wired, even before birth, to create something bigger than who we are.

    We need to be part of something that gives us a sense of belonging or significance.

    Anything that will convince us that our existence is not inconsequential inspires us to invest our time and energy in its pursuit.

    Time and energy is simply life.

    Both are limited in supply, but so abundant, that we take it for granted until it is taken away without notice, by which time it’s too late to appreciate it.

    Living with conviction and loving with sincerity is only possible when we have gratitude for who we are and what we are capable of creating in the lives of those around us.

    Sadly, too often we hide behind masks and facades to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s how we create the self-fulfilling prophecies that hurt us the most.

    When we interact with those close to us from behind our masks, we not only deny them the true beauty of who we are, we also deny ourselves the beauty of their responses to the side of us that they otherwise would not have experienced.

    In the same way, we deny ourselves the side of them that we believe to be true, but that they don’t feel safe enough to reveal to us.

    And all this life is wasted out of fear of being true to ourselves because we fear being rejected or ridiculed.

    In other words, we have yet to accept ourselves, but we hold others accountable for accepting us first.

    That’s how conviction is abandoned, and love is lost.

  • What is purpose anyway?

    What is purpose anyway?

    While we chase the big question about the purpose of life, we lose sight of the life that we waste daily as we go about serving some purpose or the other without realising it.

    That’s the thing about being distracted from the present moment.

    We’re so concerned about the future, and often still processing the past, that we lose the present.

    Popcorn wisdom aside, we must connect with the reality of what purpose is driving our actions in this very moment.

    However, we often confuse long term goals with purpose.

    Purpose is not something that has a finite end. Nor is it something that is tangible or measurable on its own.

    It’s a higher calling. Something that inspired us to want to achieve goals that serve that purpose, and not a goal in itself.

    There is only ever a single purpose in life, from which all other purposes are spawned.

    That is, the need to be of positive consequence to those around us, and to the world at large.

    We often behave badly when we feel like the fulfilment of that need is under threat. But we’re so focused on complying with expectations, our own and others, that we lose sight of why we feel overwhelmed, taken for granted, abused, or even invisible.

    Reconnect with purpose and life becomes more fulfilling without the conscious effort of making it so.

  • What consumes your thoughts?

    What consumes your thoughts?

    The gravity of life is often a distraction from living it.

    So obsessed do we become with the future, or needing retribution for the past, that we lose the present moment.

    But this is a philosophy that many know, yet few understand.

    What we take from the past, determines whether we live in the present moment with hope and joy, or in fear of the future.

    So deeply ingrained is this fear that those who do not embrace it are shunned as being irresponsible, or out of touch.

    Connecting with the reality of your contribution towards your past, offers you insights into how to maximise the value of the present, leaving no room for fear of the future.

    Because the future then becomes a beautiful surprise, offering new opportunities to take even more from each moment that it offers.

    Lose yourself to judging yourself or others about what has already passed, and the future will offer nothing more than the fear of loss, or the absence of peace.

    Choose wisely what you take from your past, and the present becomes the gift with which to create a beautiful future.

    Live. Don’t just exist. And definitely don’t stop at surviving.

  • Your impact is greater than your actions

    Your impact is greater than your actions

    When we transact with life, we expect to get back what we give.

    We also expect to receive, in a very specific shape and form, the good that we need from others in exchange for the good that we did for them.

    When we expect things to come back to us in a specific way, all the good that doesn’t match our expectations will be ignored, taken for granted, or even rejected without us realising that we’re destroying the very good that we’re praying for.

    Like a drop of water that causes a ripple that meets other ripples along its way and gains momentum.

    The drop of water had no idea that what it started could turn into a wave. It did not set out to start a wave, nor did it plan to meet other ripples along the way to form the wave that changed the shoreline.

    It was just true to its nature, and it’s that nature that inspired or spawned an impact greater than it ever thought possible.

    We’re drops of water in the ocean of humanity.

    When we own our contribution towards creating good in our lives, its impact is felt for generations to come, and by every life touched by every generation that is spawned from our lineage.

    Sadly, the same is true for the harm that we cause. Until someone steps up and decides to start that ripple of positive change.

    Own your life. Don’t transact with it. Don’t hold back because you’re waiting for the perfect moment, or the perfect partner.

    Be true to yourself, and create space for others to be true to themselves.

    Break the cycle that weighs you down. Humanity will be all the better for it.

  • Never lose hope

    Never lose hope

    There are three expectations that I’ve found to ravage the soul. They are :
    1. The expectation of respect from those whom you respect
    2. The expectation of appreciation from those for whom you sacrifice and serve
    3. The expectation of honesty from those whom you trust

    If not for these three expectations, much of this world’s bitterness would be eliminated.

    Contrary to meme wisdom, it is impossible to live without expectations from others.

    Not only is it impossible, but without expectations, much of life’s sweetness is lost.

    Trusting our partners or significant others to fulfill the expectations that we have of them cements the bond of trust in our relationship with them, and vice versa.

    Failed expectations feel like betrayal because expectations, by definition, carry with them a sense of entitlement to being treated a certain way by those closest to us.

    When we become distracted by that feeling of betrayal, we become defensive or aggressive in demanding what we need, rather than seeking to understand why we’re not getting it.

    When we focus on what we have a right to expect from others, we become defined by how they honour those expectations. That’s how we risk losing ourselves to such relationships.

    When expectations fail, focus on hope instead.

    Hope is what creates opportunities for us to be the best that we can be, while creating space for others to discover how to be their best as well.

    Never lose hope. And always be mindful of the expectations that you have.

    It will save your sanity, if not your soul.

  • Peace is possible

    Peace is possible

    The belief that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger is a lie.

    Yes, it may prepare us for greater trials and opportunities, but we also grow impatient or intolerant if we repeatedly faced with the same or similar challenge.

    Life begins to feel stagnant and suffocating of we find ourselves faced with the same problems every day, every week, every month, every year.

    That’s how we grow intolerant towards the challenges that once promised to make us stronger.

    Our innate need as human beings is to feel like we are of positive consequence to the outcomes of our lives, and of the lives of those we care about.

    Facing the same problems every day goes against that need. That’s why we grow impatient and intolerant.

    Recognising these patterns will allow you to change it instead of growing brittle and angry about life.

    Emotional mindfulness is at the core of it.

    Peace is possible. But first, you need to own your shit. And you can’t own it if you’re not aware of it.

    Get your copy of Own Your Shit now.

    If you’re in SA, you can order your copy via zaidismail.com for delivery to your door.

    International readers can get a copy from Amazon or Book Depository worldwide.

  • Suicide is avoidable

    Suicide is avoidable

    This is a reminder for those who think that everyone who wears their heart on their sleeves, or are just looking for attention.

    It may not be healthy, but it’s their way of drawing attention to their struggle that they need help with.

    How we respond either enables the unhealthy expression, diminishes their efforts to be heard, or uplifts them through creating understanding about how they may be able to rise above it.

    Death by suicide is avoidable, and so is depression.

    Both just need a small dose of kindness and understanding.

    Don’t go venting at strangers.

    If you need to vent, vent with people that know you so that they have no reason to believe that your frustration is a definition of THEIR worth.

    So, if you see someone you don’t know venting, don’t respond with anger.

    Break the cycle.

    And if it’s someone you do know, let them vent without feeling a need to stop them.

    Once they’re done, then try to find out what’s really going on.

    No one behaves rationally in the midst of their rage.

    But if they’re harming someone in the process, then intervene in the most calm way possible.

    Don’t escalate the situation further.

    And remember, it takes a village…if you don’t have a village to support your efforts, pace yourself and adjust your expectations of what you’re capable of in line with your reality.

    You can’t pour from an empty cup.

    So start by being kind to yourself, before you sacrifice yourself in the service of others.