Tag: mentalhealthawareness

  • Who makes you feel old?

    Who makes you feel old?

    Does being childish mean you’re immature?

    Does being mature mean that you must give up your youthful playfulness?

    Does being responsible mean that you can’t be lighthearted about serious issues?

    The labels and expectations that we adopt for ourselves are more about how we want to be seen, rather than what others expect of us.

    When we lose sight of these choices that we’ve made, we blame society for the weight of our lives.

    Our perception of who we are is the root of the joy or torment that we experience in our lives.

    It is also the root of whether we grow old before our time, or do we remain young until the day we die.

    Sometimes we lose ourselves to duty and servitude because we feel so intensely responsible for doing our part, or because we believe that we must take up the slack that others leave behind while they’re enjoying their life.

    How we feel about doing it is more important than whether that is true, because if we feel burdened, we’ll experience the heaviness of responsibility.

    But if we connect with the value that we want to create through our service of others, we’ll feel the joy of fulfilment in connecting with that value, rather than focusing on whether we’re appreciated or not.

    That is the beginning of learning to appreciate ourselves before we expect others to make us feel worthy.

  • Your impact is greater than your actions

    Your impact is greater than your actions

    When we transact with life, we expect to get back what we give.

    We also expect to receive, in a very specific shape and form, the good that we need from others in exchange for the good that we did for them.

    When we expect things to come back to us in a specific way, all the good that doesn’t match our expectations will be ignored, taken for granted, or even rejected without us realising that we’re destroying the very good that we’re praying for.

    Like a drop of water that causes a ripple that meets other ripples along its way and gains momentum.

    The drop of water had no idea that what it started could turn into a wave. It did not set out to start a wave, nor did it plan to meet other ripples along the way to form the wave that changed the shoreline.

    It was just true to its nature, and it’s that nature that inspired or spawned an impact greater than it ever thought possible.

    We’re drops of water in the ocean of humanity.

    When we own our contribution towards creating good in our lives, its impact is felt for generations to come, and by every life touched by every generation that is spawned from our lineage.

    Sadly, the same is true for the harm that we cause. Until someone steps up and decides to start that ripple of positive change.

    Own your life. Don’t transact with it. Don’t hold back because you’re waiting for the perfect moment, or the perfect partner.

    Be true to yourself, and create space for others to be true to themselves.

    Break the cycle that weighs you down. Humanity will be all the better for it.

  • Who goes first?

    Who goes first?

    If you find yourself among people who constantly demand that you give without receiving, or love without expressing affection in return, guard your soul.

    As much as we wish to fill the cups of others with goodness in this world, we must not deplete our own in the process.

    By indulging such selfishness from others, you enable and encourage them to continue denying themselves the same peace that is elusive to you.

    When we focus on how the bad behaviour of others is harming themselves, rather than only focusing on how it harms us, we take a huge step closer to breaking the cycle of harm instead of just challenging the behaviour.

    The same way in which we’d love for someone to correct us when we don’t realise that we’re wrong because we don’t want to deliberately harm others, we must consider that someone behaving badly may not realise the impact of their actions.

    But, unless we’re connected with true gratitude about who we are, we’ll feel attacked long before we try to understand the struggle of others.

    Focus on building yourself up, so that you may be able to build up those around you.

    If everyone is going to wait for everyone else to make the first gesture, we’ll all sit back believing we’re victims of each other, while not realising that we’re victims of our own self-worth.

  • Never lose hope

    Never lose hope

    There are three expectations that I’ve found to ravage the soul. They are :
    1. The expectation of respect from those whom you respect
    2. The expectation of appreciation from those for whom you sacrifice and serve
    3. The expectation of honesty from those whom you trust

    If not for these three expectations, much of this world’s bitterness would be eliminated.

    Contrary to meme wisdom, it is impossible to live without expectations from others.

    Not only is it impossible, but without expectations, much of life’s sweetness is lost.

    Trusting our partners or significant others to fulfill the expectations that we have of them cements the bond of trust in our relationship with them, and vice versa.

    Failed expectations feel like betrayal because expectations, by definition, carry with them a sense of entitlement to being treated a certain way by those closest to us.

    When we become distracted by that feeling of betrayal, we become defensive or aggressive in demanding what we need, rather than seeking to understand why we’re not getting it.

    When we focus on what we have a right to expect from others, we become defined by how they honour those expectations. That’s how we risk losing ourselves to such relationships.

    When expectations fail, focus on hope instead.

    Hope is what creates opportunities for us to be the best that we can be, while creating space for others to discover how to be their best as well.

    Never lose hope. And always be mindful of the expectations that you have.

    It will save your sanity, if not your soul.

  • Peace is possible

    Peace is possible

    The belief that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger is a lie.

    Yes, it may prepare us for greater trials and opportunities, but we also grow impatient or intolerant if we repeatedly faced with the same or similar challenge.

    Life begins to feel stagnant and suffocating of we find ourselves faced with the same problems every day, every week, every month, every year.

    That’s how we grow intolerant towards the challenges that once promised to make us stronger.

    Our innate need as human beings is to feel like we are of positive consequence to the outcomes of our lives, and of the lives of those we care about.

    Facing the same problems every day goes against that need. That’s why we grow impatient and intolerant.

    Recognising these patterns will allow you to change it instead of growing brittle and angry about life.

    Emotional mindfulness is at the core of it.

    Peace is possible. But first, you need to own your shit. And you can’t own it if you’re not aware of it.

    Get your copy of Own Your Shit now.

    If you’re in SA, you can order your copy via zaidismail.com for delivery to your door.

    International readers can get a copy from Amazon or Book Depository worldwide.

  • Why judge yourself?

    Why judge yourself?

    “By those who consider the whole of me, I may be judged fairly. But by those who remain invested in only a single moment of time from a distant memory, they will only be able to judge an abstract moment of what I’ve lived.” (Excerpt from my essay A Long Drive With Me)

    On the face of it, this is an obvious and common truth that we all experience at some point.

    It’s easy to recognise when someone is judging us based on a single moment, or a single mistake from a long time ago.

    Their reason for holding on to such experiences is most often more about them wanting to protect themselves from going through it again, than it is about assuming that we’re incapable of being better.

    But, there’s a more sinister side to this.

    How many of us judge ourselves harshly because of that one mistake that we made a long time ago?

    Do you still see yourself through your teenage eyes?

    Or maybe you see yourself through the eyes of the one who first betrayed your love?

    Perhaps you even still see yourself through the eyes of the family or the community that rejected you?

    Whichever is true, when you hold on to being defined by a moment from your past, not only do you convince yourself that you are incapable of being better than that, but you also actively prevent yourself from growing from the experience.

    There is no shortage of people who would see fit to judge us, and the ultimate judgement of our lives will come in due course.

    Why put your life on hold over thinking either one, instead of living your best life?

  • You give what you have

    You give what you have

    What we believe is true about ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others.

    Nothing more.

    Nothing less.

    You cannot give what you don’t have.

    The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you.

    It was never about you.

    It’s always about reflecting who they are.

    If you lack self respect, it will be difficult to respect others.

    If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others.

    If you are dishonest with yourself about who you truly are, you’ll struggle to trust the sincerity of others.

    And so it continues.

    The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world.

    The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be.

    The next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by you.

    Then, respond to their underlying vulnerability in a reassuring way, rather than always reacting to their bad behaviour.

    Break the cycle.

  • Suicide is avoidable

    Suicide is avoidable

    This is a reminder for those who think that everyone who wears their heart on their sleeves, or are just looking for attention.

    It may not be healthy, but it’s their way of drawing attention to their struggle that they need help with.

    How we respond either enables the unhealthy expression, diminishes their efforts to be heard, or uplifts them through creating understanding about how they may be able to rise above it.

    Death by suicide is avoidable, and so is depression.

    Both just need a small dose of kindness and understanding.

    Don’t go venting at strangers.

    If you need to vent, vent with people that know you so that they have no reason to believe that your frustration is a definition of THEIR worth.

    So, if you see someone you don’t know venting, don’t respond with anger.

    Break the cycle.

    And if it’s someone you do know, let them vent without feeling a need to stop them.

    Once they’re done, then try to find out what’s really going on.

    No one behaves rationally in the midst of their rage.

    But if they’re harming someone in the process, then intervene in the most calm way possible.

    Don’t escalate the situation further.

    And remember, it takes a village…if you don’t have a village to support your efforts, pace yourself and adjust your expectations of what you’re capable of in line with your reality.

    You can’t pour from an empty cup.

    So start by being kind to yourself, before you sacrifice yourself in the service of others.