Tag: mentalhealth

  • Peace is possible

    Peace is possible

    The belief that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger is a lie.

    Yes, it may prepare us for greater trials and opportunities, but we also grow impatient or intolerant if we repeatedly faced with the same or similar challenge.

    Life begins to feel stagnant and suffocating of we find ourselves faced with the same problems every day, every week, every month, every year.

    That’s how we grow intolerant towards the challenges that once promised to make us stronger.

    Our innate need as human beings is to feel like we are of positive consequence to the outcomes of our lives, and of the lives of those we care about.

    Facing the same problems every day goes against that need. That’s why we grow impatient and intolerant.

    Recognising these patterns will allow you to change it instead of growing brittle and angry about life.

    Emotional mindfulness is at the core of it.

    Peace is possible. But first, you need to own your shit. And you can’t own it if you’re not aware of it.

    Get your copy of Own Your Shit now.

    If you’re in SA, you can order your copy via zaidismail.com for delivery to your door.

    International readers can get a copy from Amazon or Book Depository worldwide.

  • Why judge yourself?

    Why judge yourself?

    “By those who consider the whole of me, I may be judged fairly. But by those who remain invested in only a single moment of time from a distant memory, they will only be able to judge an abstract moment of what I’ve lived.” (Excerpt from my essay A Long Drive With Me)

    On the face of it, this is an obvious and common truth that we all experience at some point.

    It’s easy to recognise when someone is judging us based on a single moment, or a single mistake from a long time ago.

    Their reason for holding on to such experiences is most often more about them wanting to protect themselves from going through it again, than it is about assuming that we’re incapable of being better.

    But, there’s a more sinister side to this.

    How many of us judge ourselves harshly because of that one mistake that we made a long time ago?

    Do you still see yourself through your teenage eyes?

    Or maybe you see yourself through the eyes of the one who first betrayed your love?

    Perhaps you even still see yourself through the eyes of the family or the community that rejected you?

    Whichever is true, when you hold on to being defined by a moment from your past, not only do you convince yourself that you are incapable of being better than that, but you also actively prevent yourself from growing from the experience.

    There is no shortage of people who would see fit to judge us, and the ultimate judgement of our lives will come in due course.

    Why put your life on hold over thinking either one, instead of living your best life?

  • You give what you have

    You give what you have

    What we believe is true about ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others.

    Nothing more.

    Nothing less.

    You cannot give what you don’t have.

    The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you.

    It was never about you.

    It’s always about reflecting who they are.

    If you lack self respect, it will be difficult to respect others.

    If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others.

    If you are dishonest with yourself about who you truly are, you’ll struggle to trust the sincerity of others.

    And so it continues.

    The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world.

    The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be.

    The next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by you.

    Then, respond to their underlying vulnerability in a reassuring way, rather than always reacting to their bad behaviour.

    Break the cycle.

  • Suicide is avoidable

    Suicide is avoidable

    This is a reminder for those who think that everyone who wears their heart on their sleeves, or are just looking for attention.

    It may not be healthy, but it’s their way of drawing attention to their struggle that they need help with.

    How we respond either enables the unhealthy expression, diminishes their efforts to be heard, or uplifts them through creating understanding about how they may be able to rise above it.

    Death by suicide is avoidable, and so is depression.

    Both just need a small dose of kindness and understanding.

    Don’t go venting at strangers.

    If you need to vent, vent with people that know you so that they have no reason to believe that your frustration is a definition of THEIR worth.

    So, if you see someone you don’t know venting, don’t respond with anger.

    Break the cycle.

    And if it’s someone you do know, let them vent without feeling a need to stop them.

    Once they’re done, then try to find out what’s really going on.

    No one behaves rationally in the midst of their rage.

    But if they’re harming someone in the process, then intervene in the most calm way possible.

    Don’t escalate the situation further.

    And remember, it takes a village…if you don’t have a village to support your efforts, pace yourself and adjust your expectations of what you’re capable of in line with your reality.

    You can’t pour from an empty cup.

    So start by being kind to yourself, before you sacrifice yourself in the service of others.

  • What are you waiting for?

    What are you waiting for?

    When we find ourselves waiting for just the right moment, or that right feeling, or the perfect setting, or the ideal opportunity to present itself before we do something, we’re afraid of failure.

    If we know, with understanding and rational thought, why we are not ready for something, that’s different.

    When we have no real reason to put something off but we hesitate and make excuses, that’s when we’re not yet convinced about the value in what we want to do, or our ability to be successful at it.

    Looking for reason without deliberate effort or purpose is how we pacify ourselves in our efforts to avoid failure.

    When we focus on the value that we wish to create, and we accept that we are always learning something new even in spaces where we are very confident about our abilities, we will find the conviction to take action rather than to avoid failure.

    The only reason failure weighs down on us so much is because we are defined by how others may judge us.

    If you find yourself in such a head space, you need to reflect on why the opinions of others are more important than your opinion of yourself.

    Improve your opinion of yourself, and it will be easier to take advice, learn from your mistakes, and grow from failure.

    Own your life, or else someone else will.

  • Rise

    Rise

    People that respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.

    It doesn’t mean that they are malicious or have bad intentions. But they most likely don’t even realise it themselves.

    In fact, you may be supporting others in ways that comfort you more than it helps them.

    When we find familiarity in our struggles that others share, we risk polarising towards those who make us feel better about where we are, rather than seeking out those who may be able to guide us towards uplifting ourselves out of that space.

    That’s one of the difficulties of being in a victim head space without realising it. We become really good at making others feel OK about their weakness while believing that we’re supporting them to overcome it.

    Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.

    The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter!

    Not a survivor! A fighter!

    You lose the sweetness of life when you focus on coping as best as you can.

    That’s why you must always strive to rise above, to overcome, to prevail, and never to surrender or cope with what life throws at you.

    You only get one shot at life.

    Make it count.

  • How to abandon your dreams

    How to abandon your dreams

    Failure only threatens is if we feel defined by the outcome of our efforts in trying to achieve our goals.

    Sometimes those goals are small things that influence the daily quality of our lives, and sometimes it’s big things that shape our future.

    The source of fearing failure is in our need to be respected by those around us.

    The only time we will be disrespected or diminished when we fail at something is when we surround ourselves with those who themselves are defined by how others see them.

    In such environments, mediocrity and tradition will be sacred. Playing it safe will be considered responsible. And being risk averse will be considered maturity.

    If the life that you seek is one without failure, without change, and without discovering who you truly are, then such environments are perfect for you.

    But, as humans, we are restless in spirit, and adventurous in nature. We are driven by knowing that we left our mark and we improved the state of the world in the short time that we were here.

    Mediocrity, conformance, and restraint therefore goes against our nature.

    When we fight our nature from fear of exclusion or rejection, it’s only a matter of time before our health suffers, and our spirits will be dulled.

    That’s how dreams are lost and hope is abandoned.

    You owe it to yourself, and the next generation, to be true to the value that you are capable of creating in this world beyond just maintaining the status quo.

    Live inspired.

  • Embrace the whole of you

    Embrace the whole of you

    We often discard good advice because we don’t like the source.

    Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to appear weak in front of them, and other times it’s because we are trying to save face after having treated them badly.

    Emotional maturity is achieved when we are willing to learn from our enemies and loved ones alike.

    It’s achieved when we are more focused on growth, than we are on how we may appear to others.

    Emotional maturity is key to living with authenticity, and serving with conviction.

    But, emotional maturity is not something that you can pursue directly. It is an outcome.

    What we need to pursue directly is connecting with the gratitude of who we are, while seeking understanding of why they are who they are.

    We must seek to understand the value of every good quality, positive trait, and also every flaw, while embracing how each of these contribute towards making up the whole of who we are as a human being.

    Emotional maturity and quality of life, and relationships, follow from there.

    Any other approach is not sustainable, because every other approach will be dependent on how others treat us, before we will be able to show up as our best selves in that moment.

    Own Your Life. If not, someone else will.