Tag: selfdoubt

  • Dream killers

    Dream killers

    Do you find yourself waiting in the shadows, wondering when will it be safe to emerge and take that risk on something that you’ve always dreamt of achieving?

    Are you waiting for the perfect moment to ensure that you get it just right?

    Or do you find yourself mentioning it to any person that shows an interest in what you’re passionate about, always lighting up with excitement when you talk about it, but also ensuring that you have a good argument as to why you can’t do it just yet?

    All the above is most often driven by self-doubt rather than the due diligence needed to ensure that you understand the dynamics to be successful at your passion project.

    Due diligence has its place. But only in good measure. Otherwise it ceases to be due diligence and results in analysis-paralysis.

    Analysis-paralysis is when we exhaust ourselves in research and understanding to the point of fatigue, so that we accumulate enough information about what may go wrong, while ignoring or downplaying the probabilities of what may go right.

    It’s driven by a need for perfection that is a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from appearing incompetent in front of others.

    The fear of failure destroys more hope than failure itself.

    That’s why it’s important to choose your confidante carefully when wanting a sounding board about a project or venture that you’re passionate about.

    Share it with naysayers, and they’ll convince you that your dreams are too big for your social standing.

    Share it with visionaries, and they’ll inspire you to overcome the odds while focusing purposefully on the path that you need to navigate to achieve your dreams.

    Wanting to run the race means nothing if you don’t get out of the starting blocks.

    Decide…do you want to leave a legacy of what-ifs and if-onlys, or do you want to leave a legacy that uplifts and inspires?

  • Judge, as you would like to be judged

    Judge, as you would like to be judged

    When we behave badly, we pacify ourselves by focusing on what we intended, or why it was understandable for us to behave that way.

    When others treat us badly, we’re more inclined to assume that it is a true reflection of how little we mean to them, or how malicious they are.

    The moment we judge someone else’s intentions to be bad without knowing for certain what they intended, we’re projecting our value system on them, and then holding them accountable for it.

    Crazy, right?

    When we assume the worst of someone, it’s because we are assuming what would have driven us to behave that way, and then believing that it must be true for them as well.

    Such assumptions prevent us from reaching understanding because it results in us expecting others to defend what we insist is true about them, rather than giving them the opportunity to explain themselves.

    We judge others as harshly or as kindly as we judge ourselves. That’s assuming that we’re honest with ourselves.

    When we’re dishonest with ourselves, we’ll be inconsistent in how we judge others.

    Those whose favour we want, we’ll judge kindly. While those who cannot serve our needs, we’ll judge harshly.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to our need for validation.

    It always starts with you.

  • Faith is always there

    Faith is always there

    Faith is often associated with spirituality, or religion.

    But faith plays a role in our lives in ways we easily lose sight of.

    When we trust someone, we have faith in them to do the right thing.

    When we mistrust someone, we have reason to fear that they’ll do the wrong thing, meaning that we have more faith in them not doing the right thing.

    Faith is always at play the moment we consider what we need from the next moment, the next day, or the next encounter with someone about something important.

    If we lose sight of what we’re investing our faith in, we’ll focus on responding to our fear about the outcome potentially not being achieved, and our efforts will be driven towards mitigating the risk of that outcome.

    Our faith from a spirituality perspective is our fall back position for when our faith in others may be betrayed.

    But, if we only rely on our fall back position, we’ll prevent ourselves from having faith in those around us, giving them little reason to believe that we appreciate or trust them.

    That’s how we create distance between ourselves and others, and often, use that as a reason to believe that we were right in not trusting them.

    Meanwhile, they didn’t feel trusted. That’s why they created distance between them and us.

    Being true to yourself despite the risk of being disappointed when you invest your faith or time in others, is what becomes possible when you truly connect with the value of who you are, and what you are passionate about leaving as your legacy in the lives of those around you.

    When self-doubt creeps in, we withdraw our withhold or contribution, because we need others to validate our significance before we believe in ourselves.

    It always starts with you. Own your life.

  • Own your life

    Own your life

    Owning your life doesn’t mean controlling every aspect of your life.

    Instead, it means that you are mindful about what and who you allow to influence your decisions and outcomes in your life.

    Like most things in life, moderation is important.

    Knowing when to take the reins and when to have it over to someone who knows better is key to growth and happiness.

    The need to control everything about our lives is driven by fear, rather than inspiration or ambition.

    Also, when we choose to control, we also prevent good and sincere advisors from guiding us.

    Control is fear based because we need predictability, which is driven by our belief that we are incapable of dealing with unexpected changes.

    It’s that belief that we need to challenge when we want to own our life. Because our belief that we’re incapable of dealing with change places control in the circumstances around us, and causes us to react to everything, rather than to own our response.

  • Grow, from unexpected places

    Grow, from unexpected places

    If you don’t like what someone has to say about you, make sure you’re not rejecting it because of who’s saying it.

    The truth about us is often spoken by our enemies, regardless of their motivation to do so.

    Growth is often experienced at the hands of those we hold in contempt.

    When you surround yourself with people that make you feel good about who you are, it’s inevitable that the ones to call you out when you’re wrong will be outside of that circle.

    But that’s where the greatest potential for growth lies.

    Growth is possible with those who see our actions for what they are, not for what it is within the context of how they know us to be.

    As sincere and well-meaning as loved ones can be, they’re not always good for growth because their affection or unwavering loyalty prevents them from seeing our blind spots.

    Try to maintain a healthy balance of critics in your life.

    Photo credit: Naadirah Ismail (using my awesome Huawei P20 Pro)

  • What do you see in the mirror?

    What do you see in the mirror?

    Given how easily we can change how we present ourselves to others through social media these days, it’s important to remember how much of our authenticity has to be sacrificed in the process.

    Be true to yourself, online and offline, and you won’t need filters to make your life or yourself appear to be different from your reality.

    We convince ourselves, sometimes of truths and sometimes of delusions of who we are.

    When it’s a delusion, we forget that in the process, we also have to convince ourself that we’re not who we really are.

    It sounds complicated but it’s really simple. Before we can believe that we’re someone we’re not, we have to convince ourselves that who we really are is not true.

    Why would we do such a thing? Because we’re afraid that if we don’t fit someone else’s expectations, we may find ourselves isolated or alone. And no one wants to be alone. Right?

    However, loneliness is most felt when you’re in company that doesn’t recognise who you really are. To connect sincerely and meaningfully with another, we must be true to ourselves first, or else we’ll lose every moment in our efforts to be what we took that need, rather than who we are.

    And that’s how we lose ourselves in the process.

    Read that again if you must, but internalise it.

    It could save your sanity and your peace.

  • The beauty of perfection

    The beauty of perfection

    The beauty of perfection escapes the bitter heart.

    Bitterness is the toxin that we hold on to after we experience a betrayal of our trust in another.

    Sometimes that trust is so dear, that we hold on to the poison of its mishandling to protect ourselves from ever being vulnerable to such hurt again.

    Sadly, in doing so, we also deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the beauty that may be the remedy to heal the wound of that unkind betrayal.

    Thus, we anchor ourself in the same past that we wish we could forget, or undo.

    Inevitably, the ones who offer the beauty that we need to breathe fully again are the ones who receive the caustic treatment intended to protect us from such future pain.

    Without realising it, we pay the pain forward, and become part of the cycle that stole our innocence by destroying the innocence of another.

    Break the cycle, beautiful soul. Break the cycle. It will raise your station above the toxic one so that you won’t find yourself looking at the world from their vantage point any longer.

  • Tomorrow is not promised

    Tomorrow is not promised

    Too often we remind others that tomorrow is not guaranteed, yet we live our lives as if we have all the time in the world to make that next big decision, or to do right by others.

    If tomorrow is not guaranteed, neither is your next breath.

    When our thoughts about life remain philosophy, and our reality remains detached, we create a tension within our soul that only we can remedy.

    We live life either looking for what is possible, or we live it by looking for why everything is a struggle.

    Whichever of the two you seek, you will find.

    Mindfulness will offer you the opportunity to take the best of the present, so that the yoke of the past won’t weigh you down with worry for the future.

    You owe it to yourself and to those who look to you for inspiration. But if you’re not living in the present moment, you won’t notice them either.