Tag: mentalhealthawareness

  • Judging bad behaviour

    Judging bad behaviour

    I have yet to meet someone who behaves poorly when they feel appreciated.

    Yet, we’re most often focused on the poor behaviour instead of their feeling of insignificance.

    The same is true for us.

    Our anger, bitterness, or rebellion is simply an expression intended to reclaim our significance when significant others treat us as if we don’t matter. Or when we feel like we don’t matter to them.

    This doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but hopefully, it prompts us to be more understanding rather than judgemental when we find ourselves faced with unacceptable behaviour from those around us.

    It’s easier to judge others when being kind or understanding feels like weakness on our part, or if we’re afraid of condoning their behaviour.

    Both those assumptions are based on our assumptions about what their intentions are behind their bad behaviour.

    Consider that the next time you become aware of how you’ve chosen to judge someone.

    Are you judging their behaviour because of what you don’t want to be associated with? Are you judging it because you expect them to be better than that? Or are you judging it because it undermines your role in their life?

    Whichever one it is, judgement should be reserved for the courts, and understanding and compassion should drive our interactions with those around us so that we can encourage the best in them, rather than judge the worst in them.

    And if you want to understand why you’re driven towards assumptions about what drives your behaviour, or the behaviour of those around you, get a copy of my book, The Egosystem.

    It answers exactly such questions so that you might be able to find that elusive peace that you need within your soul.

  • Break the stigma. Stop the label.

    Break the stigma. Stop the label.

    I think it was Dr Wayne Dyer who said that if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

    This is true both positively and negatively.

    Do you know someone who has a problem for every solution? Who sees doom and gloom at the happiest of moments? Who is preempting a negative outcome despite things going in their favour?

    Do you think they have a mental illness, or have they just been hurt so many times before, that they are afraid to hope for a positive outcome? Are they simply protecting themselves from being let down again?

    This is how we experience life when we finally give up hope about the future, or we give up hope about being appreciated.

    That absence of hope is what causes us to feel depressed. Depression is a legitimate experience of human emotions after we’ve taken one too many hard knocks from life about something important to us.

    The same is true for every other emotional experience.

    Emotions are not deficiencies. They’re the essence of what makes us human.

    If we ever hope to win this battle against a consistently declining quality of life, we need to stop referring to emotions as mental health, and we need to stop defining the duress that we experience in life as a mental illness.

    We need to reconnect with the human behind the pain, instead of dehumanising them by denying the legitimacy of their emotional experience.

    Break the stigma. Stop the labelling. Embrace the humanness.



  • Let the voiceless speak for themselves

    Let the voiceless speak for themselves

    I see so many people speaking on behalf of others, often starting out with good intention, but later distorting that intention by projecting their own values on the ones whom they wish to uplift.

    Despite our best intentions, we stifle the voices of others when we speak on their behalf.

    Not to be confused with supporting the oppressed against the oppressors, it means that we must cease the hand of the oppressor while creating a platform for the oppressed to speak for themselves.

    To give someone a voice is to ensure that they are independent of your voice.

    The difference between guiding and supporting them versus speaking on their behalf is the difference between allowing them to claim their dignity, versus making them dependent on you for their dignity.

    Anything less is a milder form of oppression and conflicts with the objective of uplifting others.

    For this reason, don’t seek to be anyone else’s voice. Gift them with their own voice by building them up to speak for themselves.


  • Cheat old age

    Cheat old age

    We seek safety and comfort in planning our life, our vacations, or careers to the last degree when we are afraid of being out of control, or missing opportunities that may result in regret later on.

    Like everything else, there is a place for planning in life.

    But, when that planning denies you the spontaneity of grabbing opportunities that present themselves without warning, then it’s no longer planning. It’s a need for control.

    And control is a defence mechanism to prevent ourselves from appearing incompetent because we’re afraid of what we don’t know or didn’t plan for.

    Spontaneity, impulsiveness, passion. These are the attributes that we embrace when we’re confident that we can navigate life as it shows up.

    What they say about travelling is true about life. Plan your trip, but go with the flow.

    Look back on your life and notice how much of it was unpredictable. Yet, here you are.

    Do you really need to control every aspect of your life, or have you proven, without meaning to, that you’re capable of navigating the unpredictable?

    Live. Don’t just exist.

  • Break the cycle

    Break the cycle

    Character is what is built when we are faced with trials.

    Beauty is what we appreciate when we emerge from those trials.

    Those that have the greatest scars are the ones that appreciate life the most. But only if they don’t allow themselves to grow bitter in the process.

    After hardship comes ease, provided we don’t hold on to past hurts and betrayals.

    When we demand justice or retribution without understanding, we exchange places with those who oppressed us.

    That’s how we grow to be like the one who hurt us, because we become defined by the hurt in the same way that their hurt drove them to hurt us.

    The cycle is broken only when we seek to understand why, so that acceptance is possible, and forgiveness is sincere and not burdensome.

    Otherwise, forgiveness becomes an indulgence of our ego, rather than a true effort towards moving forward with peace in our heart.

    Break the cycle.

    Seek to understand.

    First your own pain.

    Then only will you grow to understand the pain of others.

    It always starts with you.

  • Are you waiting for permission to be who you want to be?

    Are you waiting for permission to be who you want to be?

    Note, who you want to be, not what you want to be.

    We’re so focused on what we want to be, what career, what achievements, what social standing, that we lose sight of who we want to be.

    That’s how we become defined by what we are, or what goals we are pursuing.

    Who we want to be refers to the kind of human we want to be.

    It sounds simple enough. Everyone wants to be kind, generous, understanding, compassionate, benevolent, and so on.

    There isn’t a single person that will say that they don’t want to be those things, and many who think that they are already that.

    So why then are we not experiencing others the way that we all claim we are conducting ourselves?

    It’s because we wait for permission to express kindness, understanding, and all those other beautiful attributes.

    That permission comes in the form of needing others to behave a certain way, or to treat us the way that we want to be treated before we’ll be good and loving and understanding towards them.

    That permission is what we get when we want to feel appreciated before we show gratitude, or we want to feel loved before we express affection. And so on.

    When we wait for such permission, we become defined by how we are treated, and thus, we become part of the harshness or coldness that we experience in our lives.

    So, who do you want to be?

    Are you who you want to be, or are you waiting for permission to be that person?

    Your life is yours to claim. It always starts with you.

  • Celebrate the dead. Discard the living.

    Celebrate the dead. Discard the living.

    Ever notice how often people are revered when they’ve passed on, but the same people were neglected, ignored, or even treated badly while they were alive?

    Sometimes the reverse is also true. The one who passed on may have left a path of destruction in the lives of those around them, but because of their social standing or their role in their family, they’re revered to the point of exaggerating their good while dismissing the impact that they had on those who were victim to their ways.

    Some would have us believe that it’s because we must not disparage the dead. Which is true. We shouldn’t.

    But does that also mean that we must exaggerate their good to the point of diminishing the damage or harm that they caused?

    The reason we do this is not out of respect for the dead, but more likely because it draws attention to our virtue.

    It’s easier to demonstrate such kindness towards the dead, because they have no expectation from us to follow through with sincerity or commitment towards how important we say they are in our lives.

    If we were truly committed to establishing good, we would place as much emphasis on remedying the harm that they caused, while remembering the good that they did.

    If we don’t, we end up revering the dead to the detriment of the living, thereby reinforcing the harm that the deceased caused, and further oppressing those who are already struggling with the impact of the harm done to them by the deceased.

    That’s how we enable generational trauma.

    That’s how we create more harm for the victims of those oppressors who have passed on.

    That’s how we become part of that cycle of harm.


  • When one good thing ends, another begins

    When one good thing ends, another begins

    At the end of every road, a decision awaits.

    Do we stop and remain focused on the road we just travelled, or do we choose a path beyond that road so that our journey continues?

    If the road travelled was a difficult one, most focus on the difficulty and choose to protect themselves from such difficulty in future.

    They’re the ones who grow weary about life, and place their happiness in the hands of others.

    Life becomes a burden, and death a morbidly romantic destination.

    But those who look back on that difficult journey and recognise how they managed to create something of beauty, experienced something amazing, or developed a sense of gratitude for the accomplishments that would otherwise not have been possible are the ones who look ahead with excitement and optimism.

    They connect with their ability to live, despite the trials of life.

    They connect with their ability to create happiness for others, rather than waiting for others to create it for them.

    They realise that just as their journey was difficult up to that point, so too are the journeys that others travel equally difficult, if not more than the one that they’re on.

    They connect with gratitude, and create space for joy because they know that what has passed only prepared them to create even greater things in the future.

    Which of the two do you choose to be?

    Fixate on the injustice or unfairness of the past, or appreciate your ability to prevail with joy into the future?

    The choice is yours.