Miserable are the ones who compete with their companions, and then go searching for companionship among those that will ruin them.
Self-pity and self-loathing are the marks of ingratitude that turn your greatest supporters into your greatest distractions.
All because you think that they see the inadequacy and shame with which you view yourself.
That’s why at times, when someone believes in us, we convince ourselves that they’re simply trying to humiliate us.
Such is the seeds of ingratitude and self-loathing, that we end up taking advice from enemies, and discarding advice from those who care most about our success.
Your self-loathing is your ingratitude for who you are.
Stop blaming the world for you getting in your own way.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #companionship #selfpity #selfloathing
Tag: lifegoals
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Own your misery
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Woe is me…or is it?
The need to be pacified about the struggles of our life is an indication of how much or how little we believe in ourselves to rise above it.
When we lose sight of our contribution towards our current state, we surrender to destiny or fate, and wait to be saved or celebrated for how strong we are for persevering.
Meanwhile, our inaction at changing, or breaking the cycles in which we’re caught, reflects our self-worth more than it reflects our bravery or resilience.
When the oppressed or the abused remain submissive, they choose to live with shame rather than fight with dignity.
That fight doesn’t have to be confrontational. Especially when we are physically incapable of subduing the other.
However, understanding what we’re doing to feed the cycle that is harming us is the beginning of changing what we contribute to such cycles.
This is not victim blaming. This is victim empowering.
The difference being that we don’t blame the victim for the oppressor’s actions, but we encourage the victim to reclaim their voice and their dignity, which in turn reduces the validation that the oppressor or abuser gains from their abuse.
Understanding the cycle is therefore paramount to effective action.
Action without understanding is like gambling with your life.
Seek to understand before you surrender to your reality.
Otherwise you’ll go through life believing you’re trapped, while not realising that there was always an exit strategy available to you.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #companionship #relationshipgoals #narcissisticabuse #narcissism -
Are you who you think you are?
Most people see themselves through someone else’s eyes, without ever realising it.
Without exception, whenever we judge ourselves harshly, it’s because we’re measuring our worth based on what we think someone else will think of us rather than what we think of ourselves.
That someone else is most often a parent or significant other.
And the reason we see ourselves through such judgemental eyes is because we lost sight of who we want to be, and replaced it with wanting to be enough for someone else.
As a rule of thumb, whenever you find yourself reflecting on your achievements or the circumstances of your life within the context of good or bad, right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable, and so on, it means that you are judging yourself based on an external standard.
When you embrace that external standard as your own aspirational goal, you’ll focus on understanding why you are not as effective as you’d like to be at living your life in that way, so that you can continue to strive towards that aspirational goal, rather than judging yourself harshly for failing to achieve it.
Remember: Judgement is what we think someone else thinks of us, whereas values is what we want to live by.
When you connect with the latter, you’ll be less likely to adopt the demons that accompany the judgement of others about who you are or what you’re worth, and you’ll find peace and joy in your efforts towards continually improving the quality of your life.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose -
A path to insanity
We work with the assumption that our partners and our children share the same values that we try to uphold in our lives.
This is rarely true.
While we may share the same frame of reference or even the same cultural norms, values are much more personal, and therefore unique.
Our personal value systems are shaped by what we take from life.
Note, what we take, not what we’re taught.
Our teachings form the frame of reference within which we live our lives.
However, what we place emphasis and priority on, and what flexibility we allow ourselves within that frame of reference is what shapes our unique value system.
For this reason, two siblings raised in the same home under the same rules of discipline, and with the same privilege and emotional access to their parents may adopt very different values because of what they assumed to be true about the motives or sincerity of their parents towards them.
The difference between the two is self-worth.
The important thing about self-worth is that it’s about how we feel about ourselves, and not how someone else feels about us.
No matter how much we convince ourselves that we feel how we feel because of how someone else treats us, it doesn’t change this fact.
Self-worth is about how we feel about ourselves.
How we develop this sense of self is a complex process that can change with life experiences, but until we’re aware of what we allow to influence how we feel about ourselves, we’ll blame the world for our unhappiness or misery.
It is this that we must bear in mind when we try to rationalise the behaviour of others when it conflicts with the value system that we thought we shared.
Self-worth or self-loathing is what makes the difference between authenticity and selling ourselves short to gain validation.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #parenting #singleparenting #pursuitofhappiness -
Do what’s right, or else…
When raised with fear and compliance as the tool to ensure good behaviour, or religious subscription, we create validation-seeking individuals whose willingness to compromise on what is right will be driven by social acceptance.
Instilling values in our children, or living by our own values, must be grounded in a substantial appreciation for why it is valuable, and not why it is right.
When we focus on right and wrong, we focus on judging others rather than understanding them.
Arriving at a conclusion about whether something is right or wrong has its place.
But without understanding and an appreciation for the value of what we want to establish, compassion is lost, and harshness is assumed to be justified to uphold truth or morality.
It is counter-productive to use harshness to teach understanding.
And it’s an exercise in futility to ignore what influences you are working against when trying to instil, or live by such values.
Being mindful of two things is therefore critical towards maintaining your sanity.
Firstly, connect with purpose and substance to the values that you stand for by connecting it to the good that you want to create in the lives of those around you.
Secondly, be aware of your ability to influence the adoption of those values in the lives of those you care for.
Sometimes, the appeal of instant gratification, or social inclusion may render your influence impotent.
When that happens, take the time to plant the seed, but don’t exhaust yourself in nurturing it.
We’re all responsible for nurturing our own seeds of goodness in our lives.
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #parenting #singleparenting #gratitude -
Whose pedestal is it?
When we see people for what we need them to be, rather than who they are, we elevate their position in our lives through no fault of their own.
When they fail to meet the expectations that we created because of that unrealistic perspective that we had of them, we feel betrayed and then blame them for hurting us.
This is yet another sign of a deficient self-worth.
Our need to be associated with something or someone of a favourable standing often leads to us exaggerating the good or the virtue in them, or it.
This is because when we believe that we’re not enough to earn the respect or social standing that we desire, then we find ways to appear more than who we are through associating with what others will respect or admire.
The irony is that our efforts to place others on pedestals is because we want company for placing ourselves on those pedestals so that we don’t appear arrogant or vain in claiming such standing for ourselves.
A healthy self-worth means that praise or support will be authentic, rather than opportunistic or insincere.
Sometimes we justify the insincerity by convincing ourselves that we just want others to feel good.
But when we shower praises on one who we believe isn’t truly praiseworthy, we’re doing it to feel good about being seen as generous and kind in spirit, and not because we want them to feel good.
We also deny them the opportunity to be better by instilling a false sense of confidence about who they are or what they’ve achieved.
Thus, the pedestals are built and destroyed the moment the lack of authenticity in our motives are exposed, or when they reveal, in an undeniable way, that they are not who we held them up to be.
Sincerity on our part, in such moments, will be reflected in how we understand and support them to be who we believe they’re capable of being, rather than judging them for letting us down.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #selfloathing -
That self-loathing demon
Ingratitude for the self is reflected in how much time we spend self-loathing.
But self-loathing is disguised in many creative ways.
The above list of 10 common points is only the tip of the iceberg.
Self-loathing is rarely, if ever, a result of our current circumstances, and almost always a result of how we felt about our place in our parent/s home.
The less space they made for us in their lives, the less worthy we feel as humans.
This is especially true for problematic relationships with our fathers, but often extends to criticism or insensitivity from our mothers as well.
Because that shapes our sense of self early in life, it’s difficult to realise its impact because it just feels normal for us.
That’s when we grow to believe that our partners are responsible for how we feel about ourselves, or that they’re responsible for our enthusiasm towards our dreams.
That’s how we grow harsh and cruel, or rigid and abrasive towards them, not realising that we’re holding them accountable for how we feel about ourselves because we had one, or both, parents who were emotionally inaccessible when we needed to feel like we were worthy, or like we belonged.
Self-loathing, beyond our early years when we didn’t know better, is a testament of ingratitude for who we are, and what good we have access to.
Until we start owning how we feel about ourselves, we’ll always have reason to rage at the world, and at the innocent ones around us.
Own Your Life.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #companionship #relationshipgoals #selfloathing -
Maybe tomorrow…
Just like tomorrow is not guaranteed, neither is our next breath.
Each moment taken for granted is a moment lost.
Each loved one taken for granted is a heartache earned.
Each abandoned resolution made after tasting loss or visiting death’s door is food for the seeds of hypocrisy and self-loathing within.
The victim mindset turns supporters into enemies, and significant others into options, until what we once cherished is lost, and what we’re left with intensifies our yearning for the past, or for death.
When the pain of the past overshadows our joy in the present, the future loses its lightness, and our souls succumb to the darkness.
The shame of admitting failure prevents us from making right what we got wrong.
All because we were distracted by the harsh criticisms echoed in our narrative in our mind.
A narrative that convinces us that sincere advisors are criticising our efforts, and those who celebrate the shadow of what we’re capable of are in fact our friends.
We find what we seek. Shame in the past, purpose in the present, or hope in the future.
Sadly, most lose themselves to the past, while protecting themselves from embracing the promise that the footie holds, in the process discarding the ones who love them most.
Who are you discarding because they believe in you more than you believe in yourself?
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #selfloathing #ownyourlife
