You know that feeling that you get when you see someone say or do something and you just know they’re talking nonsense?
That’s because they lack authenticity.
But when you get that feeling and they actually do follow through with what they say and do, and they mean it, then you lack authenticity because you were projecting your insecurities on them.
Sounds harsh?
If it does, you’re approaching life from a position of judgement, rather than growth.
No one does that deliberately.
NO ONE. NOT EVEN YOU.
So when you find yourself or others living with a disconnect between who they are and what they say, understand that they’re compensating for an insecurity that they may not be aware of.
And again, the same applies to ourselves when our behaviour is inconsistent with our values.
Blaming others for giving you reason to behave badly further erodes your authenticity, no matter how principled you may be in every other sphere of your life.
The reality is, we’re responsible for the choices we make, whether it relates to how we’re being treated, or how we’re responding to the behaviour of others.
If life is about wanting to be better than who we were yesterday, each time we get something wrong, we’ll be inspired to try again until we get it right.
If not, we’ll need distractions like substance abuse, or other unhealthy addictive behaviours including mind altering medications.
Alcohol, drugs, and other mind altering substances are not just innocent pastimes.
They’re a need to escape what you’re not willing to embrace because you’re judging yourself based on how someone else treated you.
Not necessarily the person you’re with.
The price that you pay, and the price that innocent people pay as a result of your need to cope or escape, is not worth it.
Step up. Face your demons. And if needed, get help.
The evidence is clearly against any excuses that you might make.
Your life doesn’t have to be an escape from your past.
It can be amazing because of it.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #theegosystem #ownyourlife
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Are you accountable to you?
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Who’s broken?
There are no broken humans.
Nor are there perfect ones.
As we contemplate whether our cup is full or empty, we lose sight of whether we’re in a position to receive what is being offered, or if others are able to receive what we’re offering.
One of the biggest contributors towards misery and struggle is that we try to solve the wrong problems.
When we focus on how we feel about things, we lose sight of why we feel that way.
The same applies to how we feel about people.
When we honour those emotions without understanding where they truly stem from, we grow passionate about addressing those symptoms by claiming our rights, or demanding space, and so on.
That’s how we go about trying to solve the wrong problem.
The problem with that is that when we’re distracted by the symptoms of a problem, we forget that the real problem continues to fester, growing more intense and toxic as we lose ourselves to it’s symptoms.
Like looking for pleasurable distractions in an illicit relationship because we feel neglected by the partner that we have.
Or extending ourselves to help others while believing that our own family doesn’t deserve our efforts because they take us for granted.
We make such poor decisions when we’re distracted from why it is that others have such an impact on how we feel about ourselves.
Each act of ours that goes against our claimed values reveals a struggle within that is provoked by what we’re facing in life.
That’s when we need to look within, rather than blame others for our behaviour.
If not, we become the proverbial broken cup that can never be filled, because life will always feel like a struggle instead a pursuit of passion.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #theegosystem #ownyourlife -
Live the life that you have
Having dreams and goals are great, but not if it robs you of the beauty of what you have.
Like it has been said, there is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.
Similarly, no matter how desperate or miserable life appears, there is always something to be grateful for, or something to be excited about.
The more we invest in the future, the less we connect with the present.
Most often, our investment in the future is to protect us from something that happened in the past.
Past, present, future – they’re all relevant.
But, as always, moderation and balance is important.
It’s the moments of joy and accomplishment that gives us hope for how the future can be better than what we have now.
However, if we’re so fixated on creating that future that we desire, we may lose sight of the fact that the present ease or comfort that we have relative to what we had before, is in fact that future that we’ve been striving to create.
But here’s the real kicker.
It’s only through embracing the reality, the opportunity, the joy, or the pain of the present moment that we are able to do something constructive with it that will contribute towards that future that we desire.
The future is the very next moment after the moment you’re in.
It’s not some distant point in time.
Don’t confuse investing in long term goals with living the life that you have.
Otherwise you’ll put your life on hold without any guarantee that your goals will be reached, thereby losing both.
Work with what you have.
Be purposeful with what you have.
And the future will take care of itself.
It always does.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #theegosystem #ownyourlife #mindfulness #optimism -
Judging self into misery
When we internalise our struggle to the point of believing it to be so unique that it cannot possibly be grasped by anyone else, we give it a power of magnitude beyond the experience itself.
Misery intensifies the more we dwell on it.
When we live inside our heads, we convince ourselves that our struggle and our pain defines our courage because if only ‘they’ knew what we were dealing with while still showing up, they wouldn’t judge us the way that they do.
We judge ourselves harshly long before we give the world an opportunity to judge us.
We then take that self-judgement and treat it as a truth of what we think others think of us.
Then we treat others based on that assumption that we made from the self-judgement while blaming them for judging us.
Crazy, right?
That’s what holding on to pain or misery does.
It distorts our grasp on reality because we only find what we’re looking for, while we ignore or dismiss anything that conflicts with that.
It’s not as confusing as it may sound.
If you go to the grocery cupboard looking for a can of tuna, you’re not going to notice if you have enough rice left, because you weren’t looking for rice, you were looking for tuna.
Same with life.
What you focus on is what you’ll find, and that’s why you won’t see what others see if you’re busy judging yourself or waiting for justice, because they’re looking at your life very differently.
That’s how we create self-fulfilling prophecies in relationships, or we create anxiety about what we need to deal with in life.
Step back.
Take a deep breath.
Break the routine.
And surround yourself with people or an environment that helps you to regain perspective beyond what is weighing you down.
That’s how we reconnect with hope and with joy in life.
It always starts with you.
#joy #pain #misery #selfpity #courage #life #ownyourlife #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #companionship #love #understanding #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
Who do you think you are?
We self-loathe when we assume what we think others think of us, and then use that to justify why we should not serve them.
It’s an irony that is intended to voice to the world our dissatisfaction at how we’re being treated, while contributing towards the very reason why the world treats us that way to begin with.
Just like darkness is the absence of light, misery and harshness is the absence of kindness and generosity of spirit.
The moment we trade our ability to be kind or generous in favour of being harsh or selfish, we deny ourselves the fulfilment that none other can provide because it is a fulfilment experienced in being able to uplift, not in being uplifted.
The misery that we feel when we do that to ourselves is then projected on those we wish would treat us better, while not realising that we’re competing with the same demons that have already overwhelmed or distracted them.
It would be quite comical if it wasn’t so destructive.
The only time we should withhold our generosity or support is when it enables another to oppress others, or us.
And even then, we need to be measured in our response by ensuring that we don’t dish out harshness or cruelty to fight oppression.
At the most, we should simply disengage so that we’re no longer available to enable such bad behaviour.
If we’re mindful of the value of who we are, self-loathing will feel uncomfortably lacking in authenticity as we try to convince ourselves that we’re worthless while we know with absolute conviction that we are capable of doing more.
Self-loathing is the ultimate middle finger to ourselves and does nothing to improve the state in which we find ourselves.
So if you find yourself self-loathing, ask yourself, “Is this truly all I’m capable of?”
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #theegosystem #ownyourlife -
Your dignity is yours to claim
Did you notice how some people, when faced with soul destroying realities, are still dignified in how they rise above it.
If you wait for your aggressor or abuser to treat you with dignity before you find reason to respect yourself, you’re doing life back to front.
Expecting recognition of your humanness from the world is like expecting your tormentor to become your mentor.
It’s irrational.
Dignity is not bestowed, it is claimed!
It is undignified to ask to be treated with dignity because that means that your dignity is dependent on how others treat you.
It means that it’s dependent on others agreeing that you’re deserving of dignity.
You either maintain your dignity in the face of them being undignified towards you, or you trade your dignity for inclusion or validation.
However, be sure that you’re offering what you’re demanding from others.
Expecting people to treat you with respect and dignity while you treat them harshly or dismissively is hypocrisy, and hypocrisy is the opposite of dignity.
As always, you cannot give what you don’t have.
If you lack self-respect, you’re likely to demand respect from others so that you can feel better about yourself, while ignoring the fact that you not only treat others with disrespect, but you also treat yourself the same way.
If you lack mindfulness of who you are in moments when your patience is tested, you’ll feel compelled to respond the way that you think they deserve, rather than being able to consciously choose who you want to be in that moment.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #reflection #mindfulness #dignity #decency #victimmindset #selfmastery #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness mentalhealthrecovery #ownyourlife #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
Too good to be true
I’m often asked why is it that someone with a solid self-worth can have their sense of self totally destroyed by a bad relationship.
This is why.
Despite our best intentions, placing someone on a pedestal is never a good idea.
Not only will it blind us to their humanness, it will also distract us from our potential.
Worse than this, it distorts our judgement of ourselves when they don’t respond or react the way we need them to.
Firstly, when we elevate someone in that way, we forget that it’s based on our perception of who they are, and not because they claimed that spot on the pedestal that we built.
Secondly, because of this misplaced belief in their excellence of character or accomplishment, the success or failure of our efforts to earn their praise or affection leaves us questioning our worth because of how much credibility we place on their reactions towards us.
Remember, we placed them on that pedestal, so they probably have no idea why our expectations of them are so high, making it easier for them to fail us without them knowing why.
When they falter, we see them as falling from grace because we assume that they always thought that they were too good for us, meanwhile they never saw themselves that way to begin with.
Worse still, that unreasonable expectation that we place on them could easily provoke their insecurities, resulting in them deliberately resisting what we need from them.
That sets in motion a cycle that destroys an otherwise good relationship when we blame them for not living up to the expectations that we imposed on them, while accusing them of setting such high expectations.
Be mindful of what you take from others versus what they’re offering.
Otherwise you’ll create self-fulfilling prophecies while blaming the world for your misery.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #divorce #ownyourlife #theegosystem -
Pitying yourself into oblivion
Self-pity is an indulgence in futility that results from picking at our wounds long after the betrayal from another has passed.
Waiting for someone to care about us before we care for ourselves is not about needing them to care as much as it is about us wanting them to see how important they are to us.
If they respond positively, it boosts our self-worth because someone we care about cares about us.
While that may seem perfectly reasonable, it still means that we only care for ourselves if we feel cared for.
That’s not self-worth, nor is it love. That’s ingratitude.
Trading with emotions to test a significant other’s commitment to us is passive aggressive guilt-tripping and not love or affection.
It’s a transaction of benefit because we’ve lost sight of the value of who we are regardless of what others think of us.
Of course, the critical dependency in this is that our belief in who we are is based on substance and not wishful thinking, or self-aggrandisement.
Self-pity serves as a distraction from the life that we want, because it demands that we place our life on hold waiting for someone else to care.
That’s when ingratitude digs deeper into our soul and the self-pity soon becomes self-loathing because we failed the test that we administered on another.
Doesn’t make sense, does it?
Neither does self-pity.
Don’t wait for someone to value you before you value yourself.
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #divorce #theegosystem #ownyourlife
