Tag: counselling

  • Master patience

    Master patience

    Remembering to hold on to hope, and to abandon my expectations of others has always been my saving grace for my sanity and my dignity.

    Expectations, whether legitimate or not, are rooted in a sense of entitlement to receive what we need from others.

    Expectations are key to a healthy relationship, because when we can trust another to fulfil our expectations from them, it nurtures the bond that exists between us. Provided, of course, that such trust is mutual.

    However, if we’re not aware of our level of expectation and why we want it to be fulfilled by that specific other, we’ll become distracted by the feelings of betrayal should they fall short of our expectations.

    Worse still, when we’re unaware of the level of expectations that we have from those who are not in our circle of significant others, every acquaintance and every stranger is given power over our emotional state.

    Their failure to live up to our expectations feels like betrayal because entitlement is that unwritten social contract that convinces us that we deserve something from another, even if they may not be aware of it.

    If the relationship is important, switch to hope and continue to contribute as best as you can. Hope is grounded in the belief that they are capable of being better than who they are in that moment, but understanding that whatever is troubling or distracting them is what they need to first rise above before they can show up the way that we want them to.

    Expectations, and entitlement, is reflective of our needs, which when fulfilled, convinces us that we’re significant. Hence the anger or bitterness, or depression that sets in when our expectations are frequently taken for granted, making patience difficult to muster.

    Hope is the nourishment of patience, while expectation is the enemy of patience. So when you find yourself being impatient, check your expectations and consider embracing hope instead.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock



  • Don’t choose the hard way

    Don’t choose the hard way

    The original Afrikaans saying for this is somewhat more impactful.

    ‘Die wat nie will hoor nie, moet voel.’

    Translated, that means that if you don’t want to listen, then you’ll feel the pain.

    While it may have been regularly used as a taunt by teachers and parents towards misbehaving kids, it is totally apt for adults as well.

    Our reasons for avoiding, or even rejecting good advice is not always because we think we know better. Often, it’s because we assume that taking advice is a sign of weakness or incompetence. Hence our preference to learn the hard way instead.

    Add to that the source being someone who already, just by their presence, intimidates us, and suddenly an offering of advice from them feels like an attack.

    At the heart of it is our sense of self-worth. The lower our confidence, the more likely it is that an innocent gesture will appear as an attack.

    Low emotional maturity is the biggest stumbling block towards growth, and towards owning our life.

    Improving your emotional maturity is not about learning coping mechanisms for when you feel triggered, it’s about growing to understand why you are inclined towards feeling triggered at all.

    Stop coping with life and start thriving. It all begins with gaining insight into who you are and what shaped you to be this way.

    Need a navigator? Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s start building the life that you’ve always wanted.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock



  • Reconnect with your innate wisdom

    Reconnect with your innate wisdom

    We all have an innate wisdom that we lose sight of as the distractions of life accumulate.

    When we go out in search of answers and adopt methods that worked for someone else, we further distance ourselves from that innate wisdom.

    This distancing that occurs undermines our authenticity, and leaves us feeling at odds with life rather than comforting us.

    To reconnect with that peace that feels so elusive, we must reconnect with that innate wisdom, or else life will continue to feel like a detached experience.

    It is only in sincere conversation that truths are encountered and wisdom adopted.

    For this reason, I am not hers to teach you anything new. My sole purpose is to reconnect you with the wisdom that you already have within you.

    Reach out at zaidismail.com or WhatsApp on +27836599183.

    If you prefer, email me at info@zaidismail.com

  • Fearfully hopeful

    Fearfully hopeful

    Patience is only patience when it is the foundation of hope. Not when it is the pacifier of fear.

    Hope is the currency of growth, whereas fear is what breeds decay.

    To patiently await the decay of what we hold dear is not patience, it is surrender.

    To hope, despite the apparent futility that stares us down, is the ultimate rebellion against fear.

    To patiently persevere is therefore to continue fighting for that which brings us love and happiness, especially when the circumstances of our lives will warrant a surrender.

    It is this beautiful patience that holds the promise of a heart filled with love, or a life fraught with pain.

    When we lose sight of the outcome that we hope to achieve, we surrender to fear and settle for the familiarity of the pain that we once yearned to escape.

    Surrender must never be an option.

    Fa sabrun jameel…

    Photo credit: Adobe stock

  • The value of values

    The value of values

    One of the paths to insanity is to try to reason around someone else’s actions or behaviour by assuming that their value system is the same as yours.

    This includes people who come from the same culture, tradition, ethnicity, and even family as you do.

    Our value system may be informed by a common framework or point of reference.

    But, unless everyone complies 100% with that framework, each interpretation or implementation of those values becomes a unique value system, as unique as each individual.

    When we don’t recognise these differences, we insist on compliance rather than understanding in the way each person adopts these values in their lives.

    That’s the root of misunderstanding: The assumption that because we have shared values on some key issues, we have shared values on all issues.

    Thus, relationships and homes are broken because of our expectations of compliance rather than our efforts towards understanding.

  • Defining Moments Life Coaching

    Defining Moments Life Coaching

    Defining moments are those moments that mark a turning point in our lives. It’s either recalled as a moment of upliftment, or sadly too often a moment of duress. Both, however, define our lives and influences our behaviour in ways that we rarely recognise.

    When those defining moments are positive experiences, recognising them allows us to build on the momentum that it offered and makes such moments sustainable and repeatable. The moments that weighed us down can stifle our growth and confidence for years to come. It leaves us feeling burdened and exhausted compelling us to find ways to cope with what feels like external stress from work, family, social, or all of the above.

    At the core of any growth effort is the need for mindfulness. Mindfulness must be grounded in practicality and not approached as something external to your life. It must become an integrated part of who you are and how you immerse yourself in your daily life. This is the only sustainable and most powerful form of mindfulness. A mindfulness that allows you to navigate your emotions with clarity and your circumstances with a quiet confidence.

    Defining Moments Life Coaching focuses on a practical and effective approach to achieving balance in life, and especially understanding and working through past experiences that may be holding us back. With the emphasis on being accessible to those that would not normally be able to afford such services, coaching sessions are virtual to reduce transport and logistics costs for the client, and improve convenience and cost effectiveness.

    Schedule your consultation today and make a major positive step forward in achieving your dreams and aspirations without compromising your soul or your personal relationships.

  • Coming Soon: Launch of Life Coaching Practice

    Coming Soon: Launch of Life Coaching Practice

    My life’s calling has always prompted me towards this project. Throughout the years, despite my focus in my professional career having been in the information technology and management consulting arenas, I was always drawn to the human story behind good or poor performance. Unlocking potential in people who had a very limited view of what they were capable of has always proven more fulfilling than the highest paying roles that I’ve filled.

    I walked away from a seven figure salary to pursue this dream of mine. The people around me thought I was crazy, and many still do, but I know what I’m passionate about. That is, empowering people to rise above the constraints of their upbringing! In a nutshell, that is my calling in life. To inspire and guide others towards embracing the enormous potential that they have within them.

    My approach differs considerably from the norm, but having been doing this for no fee for many years now on a part time basis, I have proven that breaking the mold of traditional psychotherapy and life coaching, and finding a balance between the two is the most effective way to reinvent yourself. Some brief examples of unconventional successes that I have had over the years include:

    1. Career Coaching – Transforming individuals from entry-level jobs to highly sought after technical specialists without them having a tertiary qualification
    2. Life Coaching – Guiding individuals out of a chronically depressed state to being motivated and inspired to pursue their dreams
    3. Marriage Counseling – Restoring balance and respect in homes that were disrupted by external influences
    4. Health and Wellness Coaching – Helping individuals identify the causal relationship between their emotional state and their health, and guiding them towards overcoming it. (Especially effective for chronic conditions also known as lifestyle diseases.)
    5. Anger Management – Guiding individuals towards realising the source of their anger and effectively resolving it so that it does not hinder their growth or happiness in future
    6. Personal Trauma – Anything from divorce, to abusive relationships, childhood trauma that still deeply affects adults, and other forms of emotional abuse has been successfully unpacked and processed to release the hold that it had on the victims of such circumstances

    My coaching approach is best described as a holistic approach. My first book titled The Egosystem dealt with the core of the human condition and how it shapes our lives. My second book will focus on practically applying those insights into your life so that you can find your balance and point of grounding to be successful, both in your personal and professional endeavours.

    In the weeks to come, I will share more information about the service offering, rates, payment options, and the format that the coaching sessions will follow. My website will also be updated to allow for online booking of sessions, including real-time payment, and resources to make it more accessible for everyone. I will also be offering virtual coaching sessions so that it is accessible from anywhere in the world.