Tag: optimism

  • Be blessed, not entitled

    Be blessed, not entitled

    Appreciation is simply an acknowledgement of what we feel blessed with, while gratitude is reflected in what we claim to appreciate.

    The secret to contentment is found in gratitude.

    But not in an attitude of gratitude.

    It must be more substantial than that.

    Gratitude must be a meaningful connection with what we truly value about ourselves and our lives, and not just appreciation for having more than others.

    Gratitude allows us to focus on what’s good, and realise how much worse things could be.

    It encourages appreciation for what we have instead of envy for what we don’t have.

    Most importantly, it recognises the blessings that most take for granted like good health, free time, youthfulness, good relations, and peace of mind.

    When we lose gratitude for these things, we take it for granted and stop doing what is needed to maintain it.

    That’s when we lose it.

    And if we still don’t recognise our ingratitude at that point, our difficulties become a trial rather than a reminder leading us to believe that we’re cursed or being tested by divine decree.

    Live with gratitude. Always.

  • Break the stigma

    Break the stigma

    I think it was Dr Wayne Dyer who said that if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

    This is true both positively and negatively.

    Do you know someone who has a problem for every solution? Who sees doom and gloom at the happiest of moments? Who is preempting a negative outcome despite things going in their favour?

    Do you think they have a mental illness, or have they just been hurt so many times before, that they are afraid to hope for a positive outcome? Are they simply protecting themselves from being let down again?

    This is how we experience life when we finally give up hope about the future, or we give up hope about being appreciated.

    That absence of hope is what causes us to feel depressed. Depression is a legitimate experience of human emotions after we’ve taken one too many hard knocks from life about something important to us.

    The same is true for every other emotional experience.

    Emotions are not deficiencies. They’re the essence of what makes us human.

    If we ever hope to win this battle against a consistently declining quality of life, we need to stop referring to emotions as mental health, and we need to stop defining the duress that we experience in life as a mental illness.

    We need to reconnect with the human behind the pain, instead of dehumanising them by denying the legitimacy of their emotional experience.

    Break the stigma. Stop the labelling. Embrace the humanness.

  • Live the life that you have

    Live the life that you have

    Having dreams and goals are great, but not if it robs you of the beauty of what you have.

    Like it has been said, there is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.

    Similarly, no matter how desperate or miserable life appears, there is always something to be grateful for, or something to be excited about.

    The more we invest in the future, the less we connect with the present.

    Most often, our investment in the future is to protect us from something that happened in the past.

    Past, present, future – they’re all relevant.

    But, as always, moderation and balance is important.

    It’s the moments of joy and accomplishment that gives us hope for how the future can be better than what we have now.

    However, if we’re so fixated on creating that future that we desire, we may lose sight of the fact that the present ease or comfort that we have relative to what we had before, is in fact that future that we’ve been striving to create.

    But here’s the real kicker.

    It’s only through embracing the reality, the opportunity, the joy, or the pain of the present moment that we are able to do something constructive with it that will contribute towards that future that we desire.

    The future is the very next moment after the moment you’re in.

    It’s not some distant point in time.

    Don’t confuse investing in long term goals with living the life that you have.

    Otherwise you’ll put your life on hold without any guarantee that your goals will be reached, thereby losing both.

    Work with what you have.

    Be purposeful with what you have.

    And the future will take care of itself.

    It always does.

  • Who defines your behaviour?

    Who defines your behaviour?

    Understanding can only result from sincere interest in what someone is going through.

    When we try to advise without first seeking to understand, we’re judging, rather than supporting.

    We’re dictating, rather than uplifting.

    Doing for others what you would have done unto you is never more true than in that moment when you find someone behaving badly.

    While the urgency of the matter might dictate that you restrain their bad behaviour as a priority, it should never stop there.

    Once you’ve prevented them from causing harm, you need to help them to understand why their rage, or their insecurity is overwhelming their better judgement.

    No one wakes up in the morning wanting to be miserable, or abusive, or toxic.

    Those behaviours are a result of their internal war for significance in their lives.

    In many ways, the bad behaviour is a defence mechanism to protect themselves from appearing vulnerable.

    Under such circumstances, the moment we challenge the behaviour, we validate their need to defend themselves.

    That’s why it’s important to understand what’s driving the behaviour so that we don’t escalate the cycle but instead, we resolve the underlying cause, which in turn, will render the behaviour redundant.

    But first, we need to care about the war that is raging within them, without feeling as if we’re doing them a favour.

    It must be because of who we are, not because of what they deserve.

    Sadly, most of us are defined by how others treat us, that’s why we have a clash of behaviours when understanding and empathy is needed.

    Your triggers are yours to own.

    Until you own them, you will go through life being provoked by every person that doesn’t treat you in the way that you want them to.

    And that’s how you become part of the problem of others behaving badly.

    It always starts with you.

  • Pitying yourself because of your self-pity

    Pitying yourself because of your self-pity

    When we realise the impact that our self-pity has on those around us, we’ll discover that we’re part of the cycle that leads to us feeling sorry for ourselves.

    Focusing on what we don’t have distracts us from all the opportunities that are possible with what we do have.

    Similarly, focusing on who we are not, distracts us from all the amazing things that we are capable of because of who we are.

    The root of this problem of self-pity lies in two things.

    We compare ourselves to others.

    And then we assume to know what they think of us because of how they treat us.

    Any comparison we make must be focused on learning and growing by observing in others what is possible within ourselves.

    It must be a source of inspiration to constantly improve, not because we’re deficient, but because we’re capable of more.

    Any focus on what others may think of us must be driven by our need to measure our effectiveness in our efforts to impact their lives in the way that we intended to.

    And any consideration of what is implied by how they treat us must include our understanding, or at least our effort towards understanding, what they may be grappling with in their own life that causes them to behave badly towards us.

    Ingratitude is formed within us when we diminish the value of what we have because we’re fixated on everything that we don’t have.

    You can’t build a life with what you don’t have.

    You can only create something with what you do have.

    Start there.

    Or else you won’t start at all.

    It always starts with you.

  • When gratitude becomes a transaction

    When gratitude becomes a transaction

    When we lack gratitude for who we are but wish to feel grateful, we surround ourselves with things and people who don’t expect more from us than we expect from ourselves.

    To do this, we must push away those who believe that we’re capable of more.

    Focusing on proving your gratitude, to yourself and to others, is ingratitude.

    Gratitude is like humility, or happiness.

    Gratitude is not a choice, nor is it an attitude.

    Gratitude is a state of being.

    It’s a deeply profound connection that we have between who we are and what we desire to improve in the world around us.

    The distraction comes in when we focus on improving that world around us because we want to be appreciated, or because we want to appear generous, or benevolent in some way.

    However, these choices are rarely, if ever, conscious choices that we make.

    The ones who are consciously putting up a front will reveal clear signs of self-loathing in their physical state.

    That’s why the ones who are trading acts of gratitude to compensate for their lack of self-worth will put in that much more effort in how they show up physically, while fading away the moment someone looks deeper than their facade.

    Self-loathing is ever more destructive when we blame others for how we feel about ourselves, because most often, we lash out dry, or discard, the ones who built us up in the first place.

    Self-loathing destroys more than just your peace.

    It also destroys the peace of those who care enough to want you to be in a better space.

    It always starts with you.

  • Are you really passionate?

    Are you really passionate?

    They say that there is no limit to what a man can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit for it.

    Right there is the reason why most of us don’t achieve our dreams.

    We chase validation more than we pursue excellence.

    When we don’t get that validation, we give up our dreams and rage at the world instead.

    Waiting for others to validate your efforts, or to buy into your dream before you pursue it yourself means that you aren’t truly convinced about the value of it in the first place.

    However, when we get to that point, we try to convince ourselves that we could’ve been great if only…

    The reality is…our main reason for wanting to achieve it was what we hoped it would draw in appreciation or praise from others, and not because we truly wanted to create something of value to us.

    Needing validation is a human trait.

    We need to feel appreciated, or understood, or celebrated even.

    However, none of that comes from chasing for it.

    It comes from people connecting with the value of who we are and what we create in the world around us.

    When we give up on our dreams because of the absence of support from others while we’re trying to achieve it, we deny them an opportunity to experience the value of what we believed in.

    Worse than this, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the joy of creating something of value because we found it valuable, and not because we needed to be noticed.

    Life feels empty, despite our successes, when we rely on the reactions from others to encourage us to pursue what’s important to us.

    Are you really passionate about your dream, or are you hoping it will attract people into your life?

    If you’re not investing in you, why should anyone else?


    Own Your Life.

  • A hard heart beats its owner

    A hard heart beats its owner

    We become defined by what we have when we lack substance in who we are.

    We offer material comfort and chase material gains when connecting with the human, both in ourselves and in others, seems like a stretch too far.

    What we think of ourselves is what we surround ourselves with.

    The one who loves the scent of perfume won’t spend their day in the bellows of a blacksmith if they had the option to spend it in the indulgent space of a perfumery.

    The reason we avoid people who demand more of our humanness and less of our outward success is because we can’t give what we don’t have.

    Therefore, we only give of what we have.

    Similarly, we only find what we’re searching for.

    If we’re searching for evidence of why who we are is not enough, we’ll find it.

    But, in the process, we’ll also lose sight of every bit of evidence that confirms what is enough, or more than enough about who we are.

    There is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.

    When we focus on the bad, we become selfish and hard-hearted.

    Hard-heartedness only ever leads to misery, and self-imposed misery loves company.

    That’s why, when our opinions of ourselves is shaped by how others respond to us, or what we don’t have, the only thing left to give is bitterness and anger.

    Nothing more. Nothing less.

    And then we blame the world for being a cruel place.

    The world is what we make of it. And what we see in others is a reflection of how we see ourselves.

    It always starts with you.