Who defines your behaviour?


Understanding can only result from sincere interest in what someone is going through.

When we try to advise without first seeking to understand, we’re judging, rather than supporting.

We’re dictating, rather than uplifting.

Doing for others what you would have done unto you is never more true than in that moment when you find someone behaving badly.

While the urgency of the matter might dictate that you restrain their bad behaviour as a priority, it should never stop there.

Once you’ve prevented them from causing harm, you need to help them to understand why their rage, or their insecurity is overwhelming their better judgement.

No one wakes up in the morning wanting to be miserable, or abusive, or toxic.

Those behaviours are a result of their internal war for significance in their lives.

In many ways, the bad behaviour is a defence mechanism to protect themselves from appearing vulnerable.

Under such circumstances, the moment we challenge the behaviour, we validate their need to defend themselves.

That’s why it’s important to understand what’s driving the behaviour so that we don’t escalate the cycle but instead, we resolve the underlying cause, which in turn, will render the behaviour redundant.

But first, we need to care about the war that is raging within them, without feeling as if we’re doing them a favour.

It must be because of who we are, not because of what they deserve.

Sadly, most of us are defined by how others treat us, that’s why we have a clash of behaviours when understanding and empathy is needed.

Your triggers are yours to own.

Until you own them, you will go through life being provoked by every person that doesn’t treat you in the way that you want them to.

And that’s how you become part of the problem of others behaving badly.

It always starts with you.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #ownyourlife #theegosystem

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2 responses to “Who defines your behaviour?”

  1. I love what has been written here… sort of like an anthem! It is why I often say that I don’t take advice from others which is not completely true. Well sort of. I want support more than I want advice. I want someone who can help me uncover the truth that is already within. Not to give me their truth but to help me find mine. And to your point, it takes a person who can listen more than they can judge .. to explore more than they expouse, to understand more than they question.

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