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  • You judge others as you judge yourself

    You judge others as you judge yourself

    The irony of helping others out of the dark spaces in their lives is that when they emerge, they’re often inclined to avoid you because you remind them of a time when they were weak.

    When we believe that such weakness is deplorable, we remain weak.

    When we view ourselves through the lens of weak versus strong, good versus bad, and so on, we are judging ourselves and others, rather than trying to understand what got us into such states.

    There is a time and a place for judgement. But that time and place is only when we need to stop an oppression from taking place.

    Beyond that moment, we must focus on understanding the human struggle behind that behaviour, or else we diminish the struggle of the one who behaved badly, giving them ever more reason to continue behaving badly. Or worse.

    Gratitude for our moments of weakness is not possible if we still carry a sense of shame about our weakened state.

    It’s one thing to regret what we did and to put in the effort to make up for it. But it’s not the same as carrying shame within us that we need to hide from the world.

    That need to hide our shame from the world is how we judge ourselves harshly and then look for evidence of others judging us.

    That’s often the reason for our defensiveness or aggression in response to any mention of what we once did wrong.

    When you find yourself judging yourself or others harshly, it means that you have yet to appreciate the reasons for your weakness or have yet to connect with your humanness.

    You’ll only allow others to be human when you believe that you’re allowed to be human.

    Right there is the path to peace in your life.

  • Live life. Really, live it.

    Live life. Really, live it.

    How do you cheat life? You focus on what you don’t have, instead of what you can give.

    We’re hard-wired, even before birth, to create something bigger than who we are.

    We need to be part of something that gives us a sense of belonging or significance.

    Anything that will convince us that our existence is not inconsequential inspires us to invest our time and energy in its pursuit.

    Time and energy is simply life.

    Both are limited in supply, but so abundant, that we take it for granted until it is taken away without notice, by which time it’s too late to appreciate it.

    Living with conviction and loving with sincerity is only possible when we have gratitude for who we are and what we are capable of creating in the lives of those around us.

    Sadly, too often we hide behind masks and facades to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s how we create the self-fulfilling prophecies that hurt us the most.

    When we interact with those close to us from behind our masks, we not only deny them the true beauty of who we are, we also deny ourselves the beauty of their responses to the side of us that they otherwise would not have experienced.

    In the same way, we deny ourselves the side of them that we believe to be true, but that they don’t feel safe enough to reveal to us.

    And all this life is wasted out of fear of being true to ourselves because we fear being rejected or ridiculed.

    In other words, we have yet to accept ourselves, but we hold others accountable for accepting us first.

    That’s how conviction is abandoned, and love is lost.

  • What is purpose anyway?

    What is purpose anyway?

    While we chase the big question about the purpose of life, we lose sight of the life that we waste daily as we go about serving some purpose or the other without realising it.

    That’s the thing about being distracted from the present moment.

    We’re so concerned about the future, and often still processing the past, that we lose the present.

    Popcorn wisdom aside, we must connect with the reality of what purpose is driving our actions in this very moment.

    However, we often confuse long term goals with purpose.

    Purpose is not something that has a finite end. Nor is it something that is tangible or measurable on its own.

    It’s a higher calling. Something that inspired us to want to achieve goals that serve that purpose, and not a goal in itself.

    There is only ever a single purpose in life, from which all other purposes are spawned.

    That is, the need to be of positive consequence to those around us, and to the world at large.

    We often behave badly when we feel like the fulfilment of that need is under threat. But we’re so focused on complying with expectations, our own and others, that we lose sight of why we feel overwhelmed, taken for granted, abused, or even invisible.

    Reconnect with purpose and life becomes more fulfilling without the conscious effort of making it so.

  • What consumes your thoughts?

    What consumes your thoughts?

    The gravity of life is often a distraction from living it.

    So obsessed do we become with the future, or needing retribution for the past, that we lose the present moment.

    But this is a philosophy that many know, yet few understand.

    What we take from the past, determines whether we live in the present moment with hope and joy, or in fear of the future.

    So deeply ingrained is this fear that those who do not embrace it are shunned as being irresponsible, or out of touch.

    Connecting with the reality of your contribution towards your past, offers you insights into how to maximise the value of the present, leaving no room for fear of the future.

    Because the future then becomes a beautiful surprise, offering new opportunities to take even more from each moment that it offers.

    Lose yourself to judging yourself or others about what has already passed, and the future will offer nothing more than the fear of loss, or the absence of peace.

    Choose wisely what you take from your past, and the present becomes the gift with which to create a beautiful future.

    Live. Don’t just exist. And definitely don’t stop at surviving.

  • Where is your faith?

    Where is your faith?

    Fear sets in when we take our past experiences and project it on our future.

    That means that we have more trust in the outcomes of the past, than we do about our ability to shape our future.

    It also means that when we find it difficult to establish or maintain trust in a relationship, it’s because one or both of the people involved are afraid of making themselves vulnerable to what they’ve experienced before.

    That’s why so many hold on to the past.

    It gives us a sense of certainty or safety, while seemingly protecting us from experiencing the same pain in the future.

    But, that assumes that who we were back then, is still who we are now. That assumption is incorrect.

    Every experience changes us, whether willingly or unwillingly, consciously or subconsciously. Change is unavoidable.

    What does faith have to do with it all?

    The irony is that faith is there all along.

    Faith is never blind.

    What we see as the probable outcomes of the future is in fact faith. Faith is always based on evidence that we gather from the past.

    The question is, are we gathering evidence about how often we failed, or are we gathering evidence of how often we persevered beyond those failures?

    When you connect with that realisation, you’ll be able to consciously shift your investment of faith from assuming the worst about the future, to realising that you have it within you to influence how that future shapes up.

    Own your life.

  • Who makes you feel old?

    Who makes you feel old?

    Does being childish mean you’re immature?

    Does being mature mean that you must give up your youthful playfulness?

    Does being responsible mean that you can’t be lighthearted about serious issues?

    The labels and expectations that we adopt for ourselves are more about how we want to be seen, rather than what others expect of us.

    When we lose sight of these choices that we’ve made, we blame society for the weight of our lives.

    Our perception of who we are is the root of the joy or torment that we experience in our lives.

    It is also the root of whether we grow old before our time, or do we remain young until the day we die.

    Sometimes we lose ourselves to duty and servitude because we feel so intensely responsible for doing our part, or because we believe that we must take up the slack that others leave behind while they’re enjoying their life.

    How we feel about doing it is more important than whether that is true, because if we feel burdened, we’ll experience the heaviness of responsibility.

    But if we connect with the value that we want to create through our service of others, we’ll feel the joy of fulfilment in connecting with that value, rather than focusing on whether we’re appreciated or not.

    That is the beginning of learning to appreciate ourselves before we expect others to make us feel worthy.

  • Your impact is greater than your actions

    Your impact is greater than your actions

    When we transact with life, we expect to get back what we give.

    We also expect to receive, in a very specific shape and form, the good that we need from others in exchange for the good that we did for them.

    When we expect things to come back to us in a specific way, all the good that doesn’t match our expectations will be ignored, taken for granted, or even rejected without us realising that we’re destroying the very good that we’re praying for.

    Like a drop of water that causes a ripple that meets other ripples along its way and gains momentum.

    The drop of water had no idea that what it started could turn into a wave. It did not set out to start a wave, nor did it plan to meet other ripples along the way to form the wave that changed the shoreline.

    It was just true to its nature, and it’s that nature that inspired or spawned an impact greater than it ever thought possible.

    We’re drops of water in the ocean of humanity.

    When we own our contribution towards creating good in our lives, its impact is felt for generations to come, and by every life touched by every generation that is spawned from our lineage.

    Sadly, the same is true for the harm that we cause. Until someone steps up and decides to start that ripple of positive change.

    Own your life. Don’t transact with it. Don’t hold back because you’re waiting for the perfect moment, or the perfect partner.

    Be true to yourself, and create space for others to be true to themselves.

    Break the cycle that weighs you down. Humanity will be all the better for it.

  • Who goes first?

    Who goes first?

    If you find yourself among people who constantly demand that you give without receiving, or love without expressing affection in return, guard your soul.

    As much as we wish to fill the cups of others with goodness in this world, we must not deplete our own in the process.

    By indulging such selfishness from others, you enable and encourage them to continue denying themselves the same peace that is elusive to you.

    When we focus on how the bad behaviour of others is harming themselves, rather than only focusing on how it harms us, we take a huge step closer to breaking the cycle of harm instead of just challenging the behaviour.

    The same way in which we’d love for someone to correct us when we don’t realise that we’re wrong because we don’t want to deliberately harm others, we must consider that someone behaving badly may not realise the impact of their actions.

    But, unless we’re connected with true gratitude about who we are, we’ll feel attacked long before we try to understand the struggle of others.

    Focus on building yourself up, so that you may be able to build up those around you.

    If everyone is going to wait for everyone else to make the first gesture, we’ll all sit back believing we’re victims of each other, while not realising that we’re victims of our own self-worth.