Tag: mental-health

  • The quick sand of my mind

    The quick sand of my mind

    The icy breaths that leave my mouth on a miserably cold morning is the only accurate reflection of the emotions that stir within.

    I see messages proclaiming that love is the answer to the world’s problems, but they don’t realise that most don’t know how to love. It’s the arrogance of the assumption that if we had it, they must have had it too.

    I met a calloused soul today. One who was so steeped in her victim-hood, that she couldn’t grasp her contribution towards the destruction of an innocent soul. So vile was her gaul, that she stepped forward uninvited to offer comfort towards the crushed innocent, completely oblivious to her contribution towards the state in which she found the little one.

    Such is the dementia of those who believe themselves to be above reproach because they didn’t actively participate in the abuse of the meek, but only sat quietly on the sidelines observing it play out, waiting patiently for their moment to leech significance by offering comfort to the one whom they abandoned in their moment of need.

    The bile rises to my throat, desperately wanting to clothe such contemptuous beings in the only fluid capable of digesting their caustic character. But my desire to be distanced from such hair-encrusted soap scum leaves me seething in my efforts to maintain my composure, torn between wanting to shake some sense into them, while simultaneously convulsing at the thought of touching them.

    This world is not big enough to create enough distance between me and them, with death offering the only path to peace.

    Sometimes, the most expensive lessons we learn in life are a result of trusting the wrong person. Once more, as I contemplate this reality, I find myself repulsed by those who cast frivolous quotes into the ether of blind optimism and toxic positivity, believing foolishly that doing the right thing will only yield positive results.

    If this torturous world was so easily subdued through the persistence of a positive thought, why then do so many innocents destroy themselves in search of such goodness? Why then are the starving still hungry, the abused still defiled, and the gluttonous still leading?

    The victim mindset is the greatest oppressor of the kind-hearted. The self-pitying soul is the most ungrateful of them all, and the martyr the saddest.

    Tonight, I find myself adrift on an icy lake. Not carried by tranquil waves or exaggerated ripples, but instead, sliding uncontrollably in no particular direction, finding comfort in the movement, but no fulfilment in the futility of its course.

    Wishing away reality does not change it. It simply adds it to the burden of those who are more aware of the impact of that which you wish away. Such is the reality of the victim mind set. So focused on its own struggle, that it grows criminally oblivious to the oppression it imposes on those around them. When they withhold their contribution towards uplifting others, they prioritise their efforts of desperation to have their own struggles honoured first.

    See my hurt before you ask me to see yours. Such is the pathetic indulgence of those who believe that their struggle is the only struggle of such epic proportions that lesser mortals will crumble if only they had to endure the same fate.

    Thus, surrendering to fate becomes the ultimate protest of the coward. The one who abandons rationality and choice in favour of embellishing their selfishness with a cloak of proclaimed vulnerability.

    I feel the bile rising again.

  • A sacred trust

    A sacred trust

    Mark Twain once said something about there being two days that are important in your life. The day you’re born, and the day you find out why. I think there’s a third day that matters as much as the other two. The day you realise that your why only matters to you, and no one else.

    There’s a sacred trust that is unspoken but governs the hearts of everyone. That trust is created in moments when we honour our why in servitude of others. Everyone has this inclination. To serve as best as they can, to honour that trust that no one speaks of.

    A rare few, or perhaps more than that, invest that servitude in those who are true to their why. In return, the trust is fulfilled, but still unspoken. The only evidence of its fulfilment is the fulfilment they feel when their sincere servitude is honoured in kind.

    But what of those who invested it in ones who dishonour their why? Worse still, what if your why is to give hope to those who have given up hope in themselves?

    The ones in need of hope grab at the hints of its arrival without any concern for its origin. It is not the being attached to the outstretched hand that matters. Only what that hand contains.

    In that moment of giving, when something is gained by the hopeless, something is lost by the hopeful. Until eventually, the scale tips beyond its balance, and the hopeful become the hopeless. That’s when that sacred trust is broken, often beyond repair.

    Without trust, all that’s left is faith. Faith denies us the right to give up. Caught between the absence of trust, fading hope, and a fragile faith, the struggle of being human is born. And in that desecrated space, angels and demons are formed.

    If there is enough hope left in the cup, it fuels the endeavour to remain true to our why. But if the cup of hope is empty, faith settles in quietly, hope exits gracefully, and trust is abandoned, finally. Leaving the one caught in that conflict feeling conflicted, painfully aware of the emptiness that the tainted sanctity of that trust left, while knowing that faith always demands more.

    Perhaps faith is not our saving grace from the trials of life. Perhaps faith itself is the trial.

  • Selflessly selfish

    Selflessly selfish

    We’re only as selfless as our need to serve.

    But our need to serve is the greatest form of selfishness that we can offer the world.

    We’ve heard it all before. There is nothing so selfless that it is not selfish.

    We serve our ego when we serve others.

    Or perhaps the one that connects the most is that we need validation for our goodness, and that’s why we give of ourselves.

    Either way, we wouldn’t offer ourselves to others if we didn’t believe that we had something of value to share with them.

    Similarly, we wouldn’t want to share something of value if there wasn’t a part of us that wanted to see them benefit from that value that we may be able to create for them.

    Let our selfishness be our need to serve others. Even if our ego is stroked in the process, let it not be stroked at the expense of their dignity, and let us not be fulfilled at the expense of our humility.

    And never let self doubt prevent you from sharing the unique gift of who you are with the world.

  • Need help to de-stress?

    Need help to de-stress?

    We all need different things at different times in life.

    It’s part of the growth cycle.

    From beginning to realise what we’re really dealing with, to finding ways to cope with it, to choosing to rise above it, and finally, to no longer be defined by what was once weighing us down.

    These are important stages to be mindful of when choosing your coach.

    Choosing poorly could lead you in the wrong direction, or make you complacent about where you are.

    The most important choice you can make in life is choosing between wanting to feel better about where you’re at, versus choosing to rise above your current challenges.

    If you need help choosing, try the free 30 minute consultation offered to new clients. Get the free voucher details in the product description below.


  • Don’t celebrate the victim

    Don’t celebrate the victim

    Can you tell the difference between those who want to improve versus those who want others to see how brave their struggle is?

    When you wear your heart on your sleeve, it weakens you because your struggle grows to define you.

    If you’re not careful, the sympathy you get from going through a struggle can easily fulfil your need for validation or recognition by others.

    Before you know it, that will become key in your effort to feel significant.

    That’s how our struggles weaken us, because when we stop paying attention, it grows to define how the world sees us.

    We then become willing victims and see no need to grow beyond that struggle.

  • Choose your advisors carefully

    Choose your advisors carefully

    Be careful about advice that makes you feel good but doesn’t resolve anything.

    Things that make us feel good either provides us with an emotional high and feeds our ego, or with a spiritual high and feeds our soul.

    When we strike a healthy balance between the two, we find peace.

    So, be careful of people that only feed your emotional needs, but don’t know how to feed your soul.

    Worse still, be careful about confusing emotional fulfilment with soul food. The one makes you feel good about where you’re at, and the other inspires you to grow beyond where you’re at.

    Therefore, be careful about surrounding yourself with people that protect you from growing.

    Sometimes they do it because they need company, and other times they do it without realising it.

    Either way, you need to be aware of why you’re avoiding growth. Convincing yourself that it’s OK to remain defined by a past experience is just another defence mechanism to protect ourselves from the possibility of being available for another disappointment, betrayal, or loss.

    That’s how we start dying long before death is ready to meet us.

  • When fear serves you poorly

    When fear serves you poorly

    People willingly buy into uninformed theories, or even hearsay, because it validates their fears.

    We need our fears to be validated when we’re afraid of appearing incompetent, or feeling insignificant.

    This is the beginning of the slide towards losing yourself to the opinions of the collective as you focus on belonging more than you focus on being true to yourself.

    For some, isolation is such a daunting thought because they are afraid of discovering who they are, and the risk that they may realise that they’re not good enough.

    You are only as good as you think you are. And if you find yourself convincing yourself about something that has no real substance to make it believable, you’ll find yourself constantly on edge each time that ‘truth’ feels threatened, because you’re afraid that someone else might just expose it to be a lie.

    Be true to yourself, have the courage to face your fears, and don’t follow the herd.

    The path towards peace is not cheap, but it’s worth it.

    #lockdownmemes

  • Is cabin fever getting to you?

    Is cabin fever getting to you?

    Is cabin fever catching up?

    Need a sounding board that won’t make things worse?

    Or maybe you realised that now is the perfect time to invest in your personal development as you gear up for life after Corona.

    Whatever your reason is, take advantage of these lock down specials.

    International clients are welcome. Multiple video calling platforms supported. Online payment facilities available on my website at zaidismail.com.



    #cabinfever