Tag: optimism

  • We all want to be enough

    We all want to be enough

    We all need to feel like we’re enough…

    Enough to comfort those we love and care for…

    Enough to inspire them to rise above their trials…

    Enough to instil hope in them when they feel deflated…

    And more.

    Most importantly, we prevent those who care for us from being all this to us when we’re filled with self-loathing, self-pity, or when we feel like a burden to them.

    In the same way that we behave badly when we feel unappreciated, others behave badly towards us when their efforts to uplif us feels futile.

    Without realising it, our low self-worth destroys the self-worth of those around us because we give them reason to feel inadequate.

    But because we’re filled with self-pity, or self-loathing, or because we are stuck in a victim mindset, we assume that we cannot possibly have such an impact on those around us.

    That’s when we create and feed the very cycles that weigh us down.

    Because we convince those who care for us that they are insignificant compared to the trials of our life, and thus, we convince them that they’re not good enough to comfort those that they care for.

    We’re often our own worst enemies without realising it.

    It always starts with you.



  • Whose war are you fighting?

    Whose war are you fighting?

    When someone is at war within themselves, it’s unlikely that they will realise it.

    If you’re not aware of the impact that they have on you, you’ll think that their frustration or anger is directed at you, when it’s really just their need to release the tension that they feel within.

    Let the above cycle play out for long enough, and you’ll find yourself at war with yourself, wondering why you can never be enough for them.

    And then you become the one at ease within yourself, and cause turmoil in the lives of others.

    While your instinct, at some point, will convince you that you need to get out, you need to step back and consider why it is that someone else’s internal war affects you the way that it does.

    If you don’t figure this part out, the risk of the cycle repeating itself in your next relationship, for entirely different reasons, is very high.

    This is how old problems that are unresolved or not understood, become triggers in new relationships.

    More importantly, by getting caught up in the turmoil of your partner’s war within themselves, it becomes impossible for you to help them to realise that they’re raging at the wrong target, if indeed they should be raging at all.

    That’s why self-awareness is so important. Without it, not only can you not protect yourself from the turmoil around you, but you also won’t be of much use to significant others around you.

    We all lose sight of who we are at some point, that’s why it’s pointless keeping score about who was there for whom, or who needs to change first, or what we need before we’re willing to make the effort. Because when we lose ourselves, it will not help us if others start keeping score in that way either.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Respond with poetry

    Respond with poetry

    Responding in kind to the trials of life only gives those trials more power.

    Instead, be the eternal romantic.

    Look for the starry sky in the darkness, or the glow of the sunshine behind those grey clouds.

    Romance is not about sharing a moment with another.

    Romance is about embracing a moment for yourself despite the ugly around you.

    Be romantic without waiting for permission.

    Let your response to life be the poetry that uplifts the world.

    There are enough prose writers out there.

    We need more poetry…

    More beauty…

    More sincerity…

    More authenticity…

    Prose is our need to be heard, to be validated, and to be seen.

    Poetry is our gift of everything that is beautiful and gratifying about life.

    If you have the ability to create goodness and peace, that is your ability to write poetry on the timeline of your life.

    Be poetic. Be romantic. Be you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Selfish concern

    Selfish concern

    I don’t like labels, but this is the equivalent of toxic positivity, where we try to be positive while diminishing the experience of the one experiencing difficulties.

    I once saw someone experiencing a breakdown at the side of the road.

    Stuck in the middle of nowhere, oil running out of their engine, it was obvious that they suffered severe engine damage.

    So I walked up to them, put my hand on their shoulder, and said, “Look on the bright side. At least you still have fuel in the tank.”

    This didn’t really happen, but this is how some people approach mental health or give advice.

    Uninformed good intentions are sweet when it comes to a six year old.

    Adults need to be more responsible than that. There is a major difference between being optimistic, and deluding yourself with ‘positive vibes’.

    If you don’t know the difference, you’ll be whispering wishes all your life without making any meaningful progress in improving it.

    Your efforts must be aligned with your intended outcomes.

    Just talking about living a great life never resulted in anyone actually having a great life until they put that talk into action.

    Keep it real and own your life.

    It always starts with you.


  • When silence is preferred

    When silence is preferred

    We’re sometimes so focused on being heard, that we don’t stop to consider if we’re taking the time to understand.

    Feeling heard is similar to feeling appreciated, and no one behaves badly when they feel appreciated.

    Therefore, when we encounter difficulties in communicating with those close to us, we must pause to consider why it is that they may have a need to be heard before they’re willing to listen.

    When this goes on for long enough, and we’re forced to choose between walking away or remaining silent, we remain silent to keep the peace so that our living conditions are bearable.

    That silence is not always silent. Often, it’s passive aggressive in being selective about engaging.

    Like engaging willingly with friends or extended family, but only having essential conversations with our significant others.

    When communicating becomes a burden, or a reason for endless arguments or nitpicking, or circular debates, silence is preferred if walking away is not an option.

    To break the cycle, as always, we must focus on what we contribute to that cycle, and we must change that.

    If we’re unhappy about the cycle in which we find ourselves, we must own our contribution towards that cycle rather than frustrating ourselves waiting for others to change what they contribute towards that cycle.

    This is especially true for problems with communication.

    When we’re not getting the engagement that we’d like to have with our partners, or others, we must consider why it is that what is obvious or important to us, is not obvious or important to them.

    Hint: It’s never because we’re not good enough for them. Most often, it’s because they don’t feel significant enough to us.

    It always starts with you.

  • A simple smile is all it takes

    A simple smile is all it takes

    Discover something amazing about your emotional wellbeing by Googling the science of a smile.

    The obvious part from your research will reveal that it is the choice to smile, and not having a good reason to smile, that releases feel-good hormones into your brain.

    Therefore, a physical smile, even without good reason, raises your mood and overall sense of wellbeing.

    The not-so-obvious part is that this confirms that our thoughts and decisions precede the chemical response from our brain.

    The reason this is critically important is because it confirms that the chemical balance in our brain does not predict our emotional disposition, or our mood. It reflects how we feel.

    Don’t believe me? Research it for yourself, and you’ll discover that there is no science to support the theory of chemical imbalance being the cause of emotional duress.

    Your emotional duress is due to a legitimate experience that weighs you down.

    The moment you blame chemical balances for how you feel, you give up your ability to own your emotions, and to own your life.

    The difference between being a victim of life and being grateful for the life that you have lies in understanding why you feel the way that you do, rather than judging yourself for being inadequate for not having a happy or content disposition.

    Change the way you see yourself, and the way you experience your life will change.

    It always starts with you.

  • Looking a gift horse in the mouth

    Looking a gift horse in the mouth

    When we’re driven by aesthetics and appearances, social standing becomes more important than substance or authenticity.

    We lose ourselves to the way we want to be perceived, rather than what we want to create.

    We grow defined by how others treat us, or how well we can hide our flaws.

    We pursue all the right things that hold the promise of a good life, but still feel empty and incomplete.

    Religiosity replaces submission, and spirituality is lost to the show of goodwill.

    When we focus on how we appear to others, or how we think they’ll judge or accept us, we’ll reject what is good for us, so that we can hold on to the hope of being good enough for them.

    In the end, we lose ourselves, and thus any acceptance we receive from others becomes pointless.

    The sweetness of life is lost when we reject who we are, because we’re afraid of being rejected by others.

    That’s how soul mates pass each other like ships in the night, or companions drift apart like clouds after a storm.

    The winds of distraction will guide us into places that are foreign to the needs of our soul.

    Reclaim your life by connecting with the truth of who you are.

    Own Your Life.

  • Gratitude is the sister of faith

    Gratitude is the sister of faith

    When faced with trials, there are too many who surrender to coping with such trials instead of persevering to overcome them.

    Purposeful perseverence is called for when we find ourselves in situations that are weighing us down.

    No matter how little our resources or ability to influence the outcomes, using that little that we have while having faith that we will rise above it is what will slowly build the momentum to finally overcome the trying circumstances.

    The moment we diminish even the little that we have or the little influence that we can bring to bear on the situation, we risk falling into ingratitude.

    Ingratitude is the enemy of faith.

    When we diminish who we are because of the way that others treat us, or because we convince ourselves that we are undeserving of better, we take ourselves for granted and give up any opportunity to improve the condition of our lives.

    Faith is not born out of certainty, nor out of favourable conditions.

    It is tested during moments of hardship, and is often taken for granted during moments of ease.

    Thus, gratitude and faith become companions, because when we live with ingratitude for who we are, we will find ourselves in situations that will test our faith.

    And the more we live with gratitude, not only for what we have but especially for who we are, despite the weight of life, we will always find comfort in knowing that we are capable of navigating the trials of life while having faith that ease will follow the hardship.

    It is only through connecting with gratitude that we recognise the ease that followed the many hardships and trials of life, while ingratitude leaves us focusing on the persistent trials that followed those periods of ease.

    Thus, a grateful heart connects with the reality that ‘this too shall pass’, because they continue to purposefully persevere in persuing good, despite not always having it within themselves to immediately overcome the bad.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.