When we realise the impact that our self-pity has on those around us, we’ll discover that we’re part of the cycle that leads to us feeling sorry for ourselves.
Focusing on what we don’t have distracts us from all the opportunities that are possible with what we do have.
Similarly, focusing on who we are not, distracts us from all the amazing things that we are capable of because of who we are.
The root of this problem of self-pity lies in two things.
We compare ourselves to others.
And then we assume to know what they think of us because of how they treat us.
Any comparison we make must be focused on learning and growing by observing in others what is possible within ourselves.
It must be a source of inspiration to constantly improve, not because we’re deficient, but because we’re capable of more.
Any focus on what others may think of us must be driven by our need to measure our effectiveness in our efforts to impact their lives in the way that we intended to.
And any consideration of what is implied by how they treat us must include our understanding, or at least our effort towards understanding, what they may be grappling with in their own life that causes them to behave badly towards us.
Ingratitude is formed within us when we diminish the value of what we have because we’re fixated on everything that we don’t have.
You can’t build a life with what you don’t have.
You can only create something with what you do have.
Start there.
Or else you won’t start at all.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #ownyourlife #theegosystem
Category: Life
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Pitying yourself because of your self-pity
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Are you really passionate?
They say that there is no limit to what a man can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit for it.
Right there is the reason why most of us don’t achieve our dreams.
We chase validation more than we pursue excellence.
When we don’t get that validation, we give up our dreams and rage at the world instead.
Waiting for others to validate your efforts, or to buy into your dream before you pursue it yourself means that you aren’t truly convinced about the value of it in the first place.
However, when we get to that point, we try to convince ourselves that we could’ve been great if only…
The reality is…our main reason for wanting to achieve it was what we hoped it would draw in appreciation or praise from others, and not because we truly wanted to create something of value to us.
Needing validation is a human trait.
We need to feel appreciated, or understood, or celebrated even.
However, none of that comes from chasing for it.
It comes from people connecting with the value of who we are and what we create in the world around us.
When we give up on our dreams because of the absence of support from others while we’re trying to achieve it, we deny them an opportunity to experience the value of what we believed in.
Worse than this, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the joy of creating something of value because we found it valuable, and not because we needed to be noticed.
Life feels empty, despite our successes, when we rely on the reactions from others to encourage us to pursue what’s important to us.
Are you really passionate about your dream, or are you hoping it will attract people into your life?If you’re not investing in you, why should anyone else?
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #ownyourlife #theegosystem -
Your perspective may be your undoing
Internal conflict is the greatest contributor to misery.
And misery or stress is felt most deeply when we’re at odds with ourselves, which affects our health because of that internal conflict.
It is stress that always precedes any physical ailment that forms as a chronic illness within our body.
And expectations are at the core of stress.
We experience the most stress when what we believe others expect from us conflicts with what we expect from ourselves because it feels like they’re being unreasonable or as if they’re trying to set us up fry fail.
But we only stress if we lack the ability or confidence to correct their expectations, or to adjust our own.
That confidence is rarely developed in the moment of being challenged.
Confidence comes from the credibility that we develop in ourselves after experiencing the positive outcomes of being true to ourselves.
That means that as long as we avoid being true to ourselves because of the fear of rejection or ridicule, we won’t give ourselves an opportunity to prove ourselves.
In other words, when we hold back because we try to fit in, we drift further away from confidence, and closer to being defined by what others think of us.
That’s how we become miserable, because life becomes a chase for acceptance and validation.
Accomplishments then lack sweetness or fulfilment unless someone else acknowledges the value of what we accomplished.
But even then, we won’t truly connect with the joy and gratitude of such accomplishments because our fulfilment is found in receiving validation from others, and not in the beauty of who we are.
It always starts with you.
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose -
Own your prejudice
While I can’t take credit for the poster, the message in the poster is 100% on point.
If you find this offensive, I offer life coaching at very reasonable rates aimed at helping you to own your prejudices.
We need to support women instead of accommodating wayward men.
The same applies for boys who think their toys are an entitlement to sexual favours from women.
That only happens because they have a low self-esteem, go base desires control their behaviour.
Society’s insensitivity and lack of basic education about the natural processes of the biology of a woman is exactly the ignorance at the heart of the problem.
And that doesn’t mean sex education.
It means we need more education that highlights the human behind the biology, for both men and women, or boys and girls.
In a time when information is so readily available to even the under privileged, ignorance is no longer an excuse.
We need to change the narrative.
Now is a great time to start!
#ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #menstruation #condoms #girlchild -
Who’s draining your joy?
Avoidance requires distractions, and distractions are exhausting.
We don’t always avoid the truth because we want to.
In fact, most often, it’s because we’re persisting in what we believe to be true that causes us to ignore the reality that we’re facing.
Like investing in someone who is at war with themselves.
Or expecting opportunities to work out when the others involved have a different agenda.
Or wanting to believe that we’re significant to someone when we never were because they were chasing significance in something or someone else.
And of course, when we deny the reasons for not achieving something by insisting that it was due to actions from others rather than accepting that we didn’t quite commit to it the way we should have.
Protecting ourselves from admitting the truth is only necessary when we attach shame to having gotten something wrong.
That shame is not because of how others would react, but because of how we judge ourselves relative to how much weight we place on the opinions of others.
Life gets a whole lot simpler and more fulfilling when our opinion about ourselves matters more than what others think of us.
That’s when the truth becomes easier to embrace because instead of viewing ourselves with shame, we see less than ideal outcomes as feedback on how to raise our game.
Unfortunately, most of us are playing our game by someone else’s rules and then blaming them for why we’re unsuccessful at achieving our goals.
Maybe that’s why you’re tired before even stepping out of bed.
It’s time to own your life.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #theegosystem #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower -
To me… From me…
This may seem vain, but I’ve been wanting to do this in my copy of my first book since I first published it.
And today, sitting and reading through it to remind myself of some of that advice that I give others but don’t use, it felt like the right time to finally acknowledge me.
There was no one cheering me on to walk this journey that I started in 2018.
Rarely did anyone cheer me on in my journey up to that point either.
And I often have to remind myself to give myself a break because it’s easy to get life wrong when you’re trying to figure it out by yourself.
The best things to come out of my mistakes, have been the most fulfilling lessons that I’ve been able to share with whoever thought it worth listening to.
So don’t go through life judging yourself harshly for getting it wrong at times. Or even most of the time.
Success makes us haughty while failure and mistakes inspire us with wisdom.
It all depends on what you take from it.
Peace.
#zaidismail #theegosystem #ownyourlife #anincompletelovestory #authorsofinstagram -
Are you sure you have an attitude of gratitude?
With all the ‘attitude of gratitude’ narratives, I thought it might be helpful to identify when we’re not being as grateful as we think we are.
Gratitude for the self is reflected in how you value who you are without a need to diminish the value of others.
Sometimes, we convince ourselves that we need to take care of ourselves at the expense of the rights that others have over us, while not realising that this mindset is one of a victim who feels oppressed.
Defensiveness and imbalance in how we deal with life is therefore a common outcome when we lack gratitude for who we are.
Gratitude is not reflected in putting yourself first.
Again, that’s a victim mindset.
Gratitude for the self is reflected in how you feel about yourself when others are grappling with their self-worth while blaming you for it.
As mentioned before, gratitude is what we do with what we appreciate, that’s why the truth of your gratitude for yourself is reflected in how you exercise your abilities to create value in your life and the lives of those around you, despite not being acknowledged or appreciated for it.
So, if you connected with any of the 9 points in the above post, you have some introspection due.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
If you’re lacking in gratitude for yourself, you’re likely teaching your kids and others how to be selfish, or how to be martyrs, but it’s unlikely that you’re teaching them how to be grateful for who they are.
It always starts with you.
#gratitudeattitude #gratitude #growthmindset #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #parenting #generationaltrauma #relationshipgoals -
Life is nothing without gratitude
Gratitude is only possible if you’re present in the moment you’re in.
Fear distracts us from the present moment by reminding us of the past and tainting our experience of the present.
It’s when we look for evidence in the present moment of the causes of pain from our past, that we find reason to protect ourselves from the future, while missing the value of the present.
Many of life’s beautiful moments are lost because we’re waiting for someone to recognise our struggle, or to make up for our pain.
It’s not about whether you deserve better or not.
It’s about whether you do better with what you’ve got.
Putting your life on hold while waiting for justice or revenge only puts YOUR life on hold. No one else’s.
When you finally realise this, you either have reason to rage even more because you suddenly noticed how everyone else’s lives moved on while you still haven’t received justice, or you have reason to realise that it’s your life that is being wasted for a moment that has already passed.
By all means, seek justice if need be.
However, don’t cause further injustice to yourself and to those who have rights over you by destroying the good you have while waiting for the bad to be avenged.
Gratitude is impossible when we’re fixated on the past.
And happiness is impossible if we’re afraid of the future.
It always starts with you. Now.
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #ownyourlife #theegosystem #gratitude #relationshipgoals #marriageadvice #divorce
