Tag: self worth

  • A sacred trust

    A sacred trust

    Mark Twain once said something about there being two days that are important in your life. The day you’re born, and the day you find out why. I think there’s a third day that matters as much as the other two. The day you realise that your why only matters to you, and no one else.

    There’s a sacred trust that is unspoken but governs the hearts of everyone. That trust is created in moments when we honour our why in servitude of others. Everyone has this inclination. To serve as best as they can, to honour that trust that no one speaks of.

    A rare few, or perhaps more than that, invest that servitude in those who are true to their why. In return, the trust is fulfilled, but still unspoken. The only evidence of its fulfilment is the fulfilment they feel when their sincere servitude is honoured in kind.

    But what of those who invested it in ones who dishonour their why? Worse still, what if your why is to give hope to those who have given up hope in themselves?

    The ones in need of hope grab at the hints of its arrival without any concern for its origin. It is not the being attached to the outstretched hand that matters. Only what that hand contains.

    In that moment of giving, when something is gained by the hopeless, something is lost by the hopeful. Until eventually, the scale tips beyond its balance, and the hopeful become the hopeless. That’s when that sacred trust is broken, often beyond repair.

    Without trust, all that’s left is faith. Faith denies us the right to give up. Caught between the absence of trust, fading hope, and a fragile faith, the struggle of being human is born. And in that desecrated space, angels and demons are formed.

    If there is enough hope left in the cup, it fuels the endeavour to remain true to our why. But if the cup of hope is empty, faith settles in quietly, hope exits gracefully, and trust is abandoned, finally. Leaving the one caught in that conflict feeling conflicted, painfully aware of the emptiness that the tainted sanctity of that trust left, while knowing that faith always demands more.

    Perhaps faith is not our saving grace from the trials of life. Perhaps faith itself is the trial.

  • A brain dump

    A brain dump

    My inclination to write within the context of a universal experience feels insincere and superficial at times. To want to write at all feels like a self indulgent rant or feathering of my own cap. I’ve abandoned more manuscripts and drafts of old manuscripts these past few weeks than I have all my life.

    The need to recede grows stronger still. My flowery language weighs down in my efforts to express myself lightly. A fresh perspective is elusive in the midst of an old scene. Every effort results only in a new sense of the same old, but no new insights into old demons.

    To be is not as simple as it seems. It demands so much within and without that it commands being, long before it allows me to just be. The shards of madness accumulate as I contemplate the value of it all. Seeing beyond the facade is a painful truth that most would rather disguise. It’s that internalised scene of old demons that prevent new perspectives from shaping. It is the same vantage point that denies affection from those who see our demons as trophies of our humanness.

    The opinions of others have no bearing when we’re convinced that they don’t see what we see. But, even this assumes that our vision is perfect, and our perspectives perfectly informed. Therefore, it must be shame that shades our eyes from the brightness of beauty when the darkness is the only familiarity that we know. Especially when those opinions offer hope when we hope to hold on to the darkness instead.

    The need to expel the clutter from my head is increasing in frequency. Sometimes it’s a healthy release. Sometimes, it creates a shape and form for that which I would rather not have visible. But escapism has never served me well, so brain dumps serve to recalibrate my focus when focus itself appears to be elusive. It’s the counter-intuitive act of being dishevelled in my thoughts in the hope of finding a groomed sanity.

    The four seasons experienced this morning, coupled with tonight’s full moon, resonate with the fluidity of my existence today. Perhaps the tides will bring with it some newfound signs of peace, or serenity. I’m beginning to find a distinct difference between the two.

    One thought that won’t leave me is based on something I wrote in the darkness of late. In contemplating the nature of pain, I stumbled upon the realisation that pain is nothing. It’s nothing where we once had something. It’s the absence of a joy we once had, but has since departed. It, in itself, is not a thing. It is only present in the absence of that which offers us peace…if not serenity. It’s not possible to make sense of nothing. Hence the pain of having nothing after once having had so much.

    Such ramblings continue to tumble out of my mindlessness as I reevaluate everything I once evaluated to be true. There is much that others take for granted but of which I have yet to taste. Giving up on what I need or want has been a constant in my life. But giving up on duty is a luxury that I don’t have. Fixating on what was given up versus what cannot be abandoned has never led to any enlightened spaces. Only self-pity or a toxic sense of entitlement.

    To feel entitled isn’t as vapid as it may appear. Beneath such entitlement still roams the misguided notion that there is a self-worth that must be honoured by others. Whether true or not, social contracts of the like are only as valid as the willing subscription of those party to it. Such subscription has grown to define the value of many, both in its presence by building pedestals for the meek, and in its absence by destroying pedestals of the bold.

    Sanity roams freely in a neighbouring state.

  • Don’t celebrate the victim

    Don’t celebrate the victim

    Can you tell the difference between those who want to improve versus those who want others to see how brave their struggle is?

    When you wear your heart on your sleeve, it weakens you because your struggle grows to define you.

    If you’re not careful, the sympathy you get from going through a struggle can easily fulfil your need for validation or recognition by others.

    Before you know it, that will become key in your effort to feel significant.

    That’s how our struggles weaken us, because when we stop paying attention, it grows to define how the world sees us.

    We then become willing victims and see no need to grow beyond that struggle.

  • Choose your advisors carefully

    Choose your advisors carefully

    Be careful about advice that makes you feel good but doesn’t resolve anything.

    Things that make us feel good either provides us with an emotional high and feeds our ego, or with a spiritual high and feeds our soul.

    When we strike a healthy balance between the two, we find peace.

    So, be careful of people that only feed your emotional needs, but don’t know how to feed your soul.

    Worse still, be careful about confusing emotional fulfilment with soul food. The one makes you feel good about where you’re at, and the other inspires you to grow beyond where you’re at.

    Therefore, be careful about surrounding yourself with people that protect you from growing.

    Sometimes they do it because they need company, and other times they do it without realising it.

    Either way, you need to be aware of why you’re avoiding growth. Convincing yourself that it’s OK to remain defined by a past experience is just another defence mechanism to protect ourselves from the possibility of being available for another disappointment, betrayal, or loss.

    That’s how we start dying long before death is ready to meet us.

  • Choose your reality

    Choose your reality

    When our circumstances appear unchangeable, we must change our perspective. If we don’t, neither will change.

    Perception shapes our reality, because we can always create an alternate reality, but we can never change reality itself.

    When we look at something and feel overwhelmed by it, we generally find ourselves choosing between two things.

    We either try to find someone to blame for it and hope that we’ll be miraculously saved in the process, or we’ll try to understand it better so that we can identify a way to overcome it.

    The former is a victim mindset. The latter is simply being sensible.

    We need more sensible people. And sensible people are those who are aware of their contribution towards the outcomes that they experience in life.

    Sensibility starts with self awareness, and emotional mindfulness is at the heart of it all.

    #21daystolive #coronavirusmemes

  • Don’t just stay home – introspect

    Don’t just stay home – introspect

    It’s a time to rediscover what we lost when we were taking ourselves for granted.

    This might sound weird, but consider for a second that it’s in taking ourselves for granted that we find reason to take others for granted.

    In doing so, we take things around us for granted and end up committing excesses that harm us, and the environment around us.

    And then we look everywhere else but within ourselves to understand what went wrong.

    Let your lock down period be time to reconnect with what you once appreciated about yourself, and then use that as a reminder to appreciate what you once loved about others around you.

    The world is struggling because of the harshness that exists between us, long before it is impacted by how that harshness plays out in what we take without giving back.

    Start here. Treat yourself kindly, but with good reason. You’ll only discover that good reason when you seek to understand before you judge. Yourself, and others.

    #stayhome #healtheworld

  • Escaping emotionally abusive homes

    Escaping emotionally abusive homes

    Trigger warning. Unpopular opinion. Tough love ahead.

    It’s not drugs that steal our children from us. Like us, they also need to feel significant.

    Taking drugs is not just a bad habit. It’s a means to escape what we don’t want to deal with in the world around us.

    Is it a bad decision? Absolutely. Because escaping something never resolves it, it only defers it to a later time.

    But, we cannot give what we don’t have. So we can’t give understanding if we don’t understand ourselves.

    Escapism is the pastime of the masses, that’s why we have little to no communication in homes that centre around technology or social media, leaving the young ones struggling to find a space in which they belong, physically and emotionally.

    The emotional connection that they then forge with fellow escapees is what makes drugs the escape of choice.

    If we treat them as addicts, they will behave like addicts. If we deny what is lacking in their emotional make up, we’ll deny ourselves the opportunity to address it.

    It’s never easy. Because we can’t give what we don’t have. That’s why we must invest in ourselves so that we are capable of doing right by those around us. What is your escape?

  • Worship me

    Worship me

    Don’t use religion to elevate your ego.

    By doing so, you use God to worship your ego, rather than subduing your ego to worship God.

    The appearance of religiosity in others misleads many to assume that they possess piety.

    Piety cannot be measured through outward appearance, only through experiencing a sincerity of action.

    Sincerity, if shown due respect, makes an outward show of religiosity for the purpose of earning respect impossible to display.