Tag: abuse

  • Celebrate the victim, destroy the human

    Celebrate the victim, destroy the human

    What we take from a traumatic event is infinitely more important than the event itself.

    It’s how we feel about what we experienced that weighs down on us more than the experience itself.

    The more it shakes our confidence, the greater our need for reassurance and support.

    While it’s entirely understandable to be overwhelmed in the aftermath of a terrible experience, it’s entirely avoidable to become defined by that experience.

    That’s when we need to be careful about celebrating or revering the experience of the victim to the point of not building them up to rise above it.

    Rising above the horrors of life doesn’t mean carrying a badge of honour to let the world know what you survived.

    That’s honouring the victim.

    Rising above it means seeing the experience for what it was, recognising what you didn’t know or couldn’t have controlled, and most importantly, remedying your trust that was broken in that moment of upheaval.

    Because that is what is lost when we experience a traumatic event.

    Our trust with the world is broken, leaving us gripped with fear because of the uncertainty of everything that we once embraced as our safe space.

    When we celebrate the victim, we redirect their trust to be placed in their support structures and safe spaces, rather than rebuilding their trust in themselves so that they don’t carry that experience as a dark shadow for the rest of their lives.

    This is not victim blaming. It’s destroying the impact of the aggressor beyond the moment of aggression.

    Own Your Life.



  • Wow! Look at me now…

    Wow! Look at me now…

    Of all the things that test our resolve, the acquisition of knowledge is the most important.

    It’s easy to get lost in the praise and social elevation that accompanies achievements such as professional qualifications, religious standing, or even business success.

    And because each of it demands a lot of personal sacrifice and discipline, the feeling of entitlement to its rewards takes root without much effort at all.

    Especially since there are many who would treat us with privilege because of their need to be associated with such social standing, or success.

    However, that’s when we lose ourselves to the trinkets and luxuries that accompanies such success.

    That’s when we lose ourselves to the power and influence that such social standing offers.

    That’s when the true tests of our convictions and our value systems present themselves.

    Not only does it matter how we treat people after enjoying such accomplishments, but more importantly, how we utilise the resources that we have access to, including the social structures of privilege that we belong to, that determines the true value of our accomplishments.

    A healthy self-esteem is the only grounding point to prevent such erosion of values or ethical standing.

    A healthy self-esteem, not an inflated ego, is what will keep us focused on how much more good we can achieve, or value we can create for those who cannot benefit us, so that we don’t squander our success or opportunities on self-enrichment or extravagance of lifestyle.

    The sweetness of life lies in the upliftment of others.

    It’s the only accomplishment that doesn’t leave us chasing for validation or acceptance.

    It’s rooted in gratitude for who we are and what we have.

    Without such gratitude, we forever chase opportunities to subdue the fear of inadequacy.

    It always starts with you.

  • Honourable destruction

    Honourable destruction

    When honour is confused with social standing, abuse becomes an acceptable form of saving face.

    Beyond considerations of family honour, this toxic cultural practice convinces the individual that infidelity becomes excusable because divorce is deplorable.

    It convinces the brute of the justification of their rage when their partner rejects dehumanising practices by their in-laws.

    It replaces ideals of honour and virtue with ideals of being celebrated by the community for the facade that we create of an empty shell of a life.

    It teaches our children that what others think of you is always more important than what you think of yourself.

    Because we’ve convinced ourselves that it is the village that gives us relevance, we’ve lost sight of how toxic that village has become.

    Izzat is the excuse for marital rape, because our rights are infinitely more important than our responsibilities.

    Izzat is the excuse for honour killings, because appearing weak is assumed to be caving in to justice, while upholding injustice.

    Izzat has eroded the foundation of society, in all societies and not just the Indian culture, because women are seen as symbols of the grandeur of men, and men have grown to be defined by how much his woman raises his stature.

    And in the war for self-worth, the physically weak suffer most, while the physically strong destroy the people around them because they don’t know how to deal with their weakness.

    Break the cycle.

    Own Your Life.

  • The quick sand of my mind

    The quick sand of my mind

    The icy breaths that leave my mouth on a miserably cold morning is the only accurate reflection of the emotions that stir within.

    I see messages proclaiming that love is the answer to the world’s problems, but they don’t realise that most don’t know how to love. It’s the arrogance of the assumption that if we had it, they must have had it too.

    I met a calloused soul today. One who was so steeped in her victim-hood, that she couldn’t grasp her contribution towards the destruction of an innocent soul. So vile was her gaul, that she stepped forward uninvited to offer comfort towards the crushed innocent, completely oblivious to her contribution towards the state in which she found the little one.

    Such is the dementia of those who believe themselves to be above reproach because they didn’t actively participate in the abuse of the meek, but only sat quietly on the sidelines observing it play out, waiting patiently for their moment to leech significance by offering comfort to the one whom they abandoned in their moment of need.

    The bile rises to my throat, desperately wanting to clothe such contemptuous beings in the only fluid capable of digesting their caustic character. But my desire to be distanced from such hair-encrusted soap scum leaves me seething in my efforts to maintain my composure, torn between wanting to shake some sense into them, while simultaneously convulsing at the thought of touching them.

    This world is not big enough to create enough distance between me and them, with death offering the only path to peace.

    Sometimes, the most expensive lessons we learn in life are a result of trusting the wrong person. Once more, as I contemplate this reality, I find myself repulsed by those who cast frivolous quotes into the ether of blind optimism and toxic positivity, believing foolishly that doing the right thing will only yield positive results.

    If this torturous world was so easily subdued through the persistence of a positive thought, why then do so many innocents destroy themselves in search of such goodness? Why then are the starving still hungry, the abused still defiled, and the gluttonous still leading?

    The victim mindset is the greatest oppressor of the kind-hearted. The self-pitying soul is the most ungrateful of them all, and the martyr the saddest.

    Tonight, I find myself adrift on an icy lake. Not carried by tranquil waves or exaggerated ripples, but instead, sliding uncontrollably in no particular direction, finding comfort in the movement, but no fulfilment in the futility of its course.

    Wishing away reality does not change it. It simply adds it to the burden of those who are more aware of the impact of that which you wish away. Such is the reality of the victim mind set. So focused on its own struggle, that it grows criminally oblivious to the oppression it imposes on those around them. When they withhold their contribution towards uplifting others, they prioritise their efforts of desperation to have their own struggles honoured first.

    See my hurt before you ask me to see yours. Such is the pathetic indulgence of those who believe that their struggle is the only struggle of such epic proportions that lesser mortals will crumble if only they had to endure the same fate.

    Thus, surrendering to fate becomes the ultimate protest of the coward. The one who abandons rationality and choice in favour of embellishing their selfishness with a cloak of proclaimed vulnerability.

    I feel the bile rising again.

  • Don’t just survive

    Don’t just survive

    I see too many people that take pride in being a survivor, which in itself is not unhealthy.

    It becomes unhealthy when that act of survival defines them for the rest of their lives.

    Don’t allow a traumatic event, or an abusive relationship to define you beyond the immediate act of surviving it.

    You are capable of so much more than that.

    Existence is a consequence of simply being, whereas life is a consequence of choice.

    I have always chosen to live, rather than to exist.

    Simply existing means responding to what comes your way rather than defining your own path.

    The same is true with survival.

    We must recognise that the act of survival is to overcome a specific event, or events. It is not a permanent state.

    Living is much larger and more fulfilling than that.

    You owe yourself more than just survival.

    You owe yourself a fulfilling and rewarding life.

    Own it.

  • The twins of love and pain

    The twins of love and pain

    We see in the world around us that which occupies the most space in our hearts.

    When our hearts are filled with love and affection, we find no place for hate or bitterness.

    When we hold space in our life for justice for past oppression, we prevent that space from being filled with the love that we may receive in the present moment.

    The need for justice often overwhelms any prospect of happiness because we feel denied as long as those who caused us pain live without consequence.

    When we’re filled with the rage of revenge, or the need for justice, any approaching love or affection appears as a threat for further pain because the possibility of betrayal is still clearly etched in the pain from the past that has yet to be reconciled.

    Healing then becomes dependent on justice, and life is put on hold. That holding pattern serves as a constant reminder of the injustice that we suffered, or the betrayal that cut so deeply.

    Thus, the oppression of the past contaminates the present, and denies us a future of the very happiness we hope to experience.

    But, when our rage convinces us that love and pain are twins, the promise of peace becomes a threat, and the holding pattern of pain becomes a comfort. Thus, we become unavailable to those who love us, and remain committed to seeking vengeance against those who thrive on our misery.

  • Coming Soon: Launch of Life Coaching Practice

    Coming Soon: Launch of Life Coaching Practice

    My life’s calling has always prompted me towards this project. Throughout the years, despite my focus in my professional career having been in the information technology and management consulting arenas, I was always drawn to the human story behind good or poor performance. Unlocking potential in people who had a very limited view of what they were capable of has always proven more fulfilling than the highest paying roles that I’ve filled.

    I walked away from a seven figure salary to pursue this dream of mine. The people around me thought I was crazy, and many still do, but I know what I’m passionate about. That is, empowering people to rise above the constraints of their upbringing! In a nutshell, that is my calling in life. To inspire and guide others towards embracing the enormous potential that they have within them.

    My approach differs considerably from the norm, but having been doing this for no fee for many years now on a part time basis, I have proven that breaking the mold of traditional psychotherapy and life coaching, and finding a balance between the two is the most effective way to reinvent yourself. Some brief examples of unconventional successes that I have had over the years include:

    1. Career Coaching – Transforming individuals from entry-level jobs to highly sought after technical specialists without them having a tertiary qualification
    2. Life Coaching – Guiding individuals out of a chronically depressed state to being motivated and inspired to pursue their dreams
    3. Marriage Counseling – Restoring balance and respect in homes that were disrupted by external influences
    4. Health and Wellness Coaching – Helping individuals identify the causal relationship between their emotional state and their health, and guiding them towards overcoming it. (Especially effective for chronic conditions also known as lifestyle diseases.)
    5. Anger Management – Guiding individuals towards realising the source of their anger and effectively resolving it so that it does not hinder their growth or happiness in future
    6. Personal Trauma – Anything from divorce, to abusive relationships, childhood trauma that still deeply affects adults, and other forms of emotional abuse has been successfully unpacked and processed to release the hold that it had on the victims of such circumstances

    My coaching approach is best described as a holistic approach. My first book titled The Egosystem dealt with the core of the human condition and how it shapes our lives. My second book will focus on practically applying those insights into your life so that you can find your balance and point of grounding to be successful, both in your personal and professional endeavours.

    In the weeks to come, I will share more information about the service offering, rates, payment options, and the format that the coaching sessions will follow. My website will also be updated to allow for online booking of sessions, including real-time payment, and resources to make it more accessible for everyone. I will also be offering virtual coaching sessions so that it is accessible from anywhere in the world.

  • “If Ignorance is Bliss, ‘Tis Folly to be Wise.”

    A detached, uninterested look

    is my favorite pick up line.

    Rotting, oxidized plums

    are my choice of fine wine.

    Homeless streets and rotted benches

    are my pick for a suitable bed.

    He left love letters and Benjamins

    on the floor for me to shred.

    Without desire to destroy

    I found myself so starved.

    I didn’t realize I was empty

    due to the hole that he had carved.

    I wasn’t aware I longed for neglect

    because that’s what I was used to.

    I wasn’t aware I preferred the taste of poison

    because it was the only flavor I knew.

    I wasn’t aware I was comforted by danger

    because after violence, came the embrace.

    I wasn’t quite aware of anything until the

    wounds healed and gone was his last trace.

    ~ j-r-morgan