Tag: hope

  • When gratitude becomes a transaction

    When gratitude becomes a transaction

    When we lack gratitude for who we are but wish to feel grateful, we surround ourselves with things and people who don’t expect more from us than we expect from ourselves.

    To do this, we must push away those who believe that we’re capable of more.

    Focusing on proving your gratitude, to yourself and to others, is ingratitude.

    Gratitude is like humility, or happiness.

    Gratitude is not a choice, nor is it an attitude.

    Gratitude is a state of being.

    It’s a deeply profound connection that we have between who we are and what we desire to improve in the world around us.

    The distraction comes in when we focus on improving that world around us because we want to be appreciated, or because we want to appear generous, or benevolent in some way.

    However, these choices are rarely, if ever, conscious choices that we make.

    The ones who are consciously putting up a front will reveal clear signs of self-loathing in their physical state.

    That’s why the ones who are trading acts of gratitude to compensate for their lack of self-worth will put in that much more effort in how they show up physically, while fading away the moment someone looks deeper than their facade.

    Self-loathing is ever more destructive when we blame others for how we feel about ourselves, because most often, we lash out dry, or discard, the ones who built us up in the first place.

    Self-loathing destroys more than just your peace.

    It also destroys the peace of those who care enough to want you to be in a better space.

    It always starts with you.

  • Are you really passionate?

    Are you really passionate?

    They say that there is no limit to what a man can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit for it.

    Right there is the reason why most of us don’t achieve our dreams.

    We chase validation more than we pursue excellence.

    When we don’t get that validation, we give up our dreams and rage at the world instead.

    Waiting for others to validate your efforts, or to buy into your dream before you pursue it yourself means that you aren’t truly convinced about the value of it in the first place.

    However, when we get to that point, we try to convince ourselves that we could’ve been great if only…

    The reality is…our main reason for wanting to achieve it was what we hoped it would draw in appreciation or praise from others, and not because we truly wanted to create something of value to us.

    Needing validation is a human trait.

    We need to feel appreciated, or understood, or celebrated even.

    However, none of that comes from chasing for it.

    It comes from people connecting with the value of who we are and what we create in the world around us.

    When we give up on our dreams because of the absence of support from others while we’re trying to achieve it, we deny them an opportunity to experience the value of what we believed in.

    Worse than this, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the joy of creating something of value because we found it valuable, and not because we needed to be noticed.

    Life feels empty, despite our successes, when we rely on the reactions from others to encourage us to pursue what’s important to us.

    Are you really passionate about your dream, or are you hoping it will attract people into your life?

    If you’re not investing in you, why should anyone else?


    Own Your Life.

  • A hard heart beats its owner

    A hard heart beats its owner

    We become defined by what we have when we lack substance in who we are.

    We offer material comfort and chase material gains when connecting with the human, both in ourselves and in others, seems like a stretch too far.

    What we think of ourselves is what we surround ourselves with.

    The one who loves the scent of perfume won’t spend their day in the bellows of a blacksmith if they had the option to spend it in the indulgent space of a perfumery.

    The reason we avoid people who demand more of our humanness and less of our outward success is because we can’t give what we don’t have.

    Therefore, we only give of what we have.

    Similarly, we only find what we’re searching for.

    If we’re searching for evidence of why who we are is not enough, we’ll find it.

    But, in the process, we’ll also lose sight of every bit of evidence that confirms what is enough, or more than enough about who we are.

    There is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.

    When we focus on the bad, we become selfish and hard-hearted.

    Hard-heartedness only ever leads to misery, and self-imposed misery loves company.

    That’s why, when our opinions of ourselves is shaped by how others respond to us, or what we don’t have, the only thing left to give is bitterness and anger.

    Nothing more. Nothing less.

    And then we blame the world for being a cruel place.

    The world is what we make of it. And what we see in others is a reflection of how we see ourselves.

    It always starts with you.

  • Ingratitude, the illegitimate child of self-loathing

    Ingratitude, the illegitimate child of self-loathing

    When you judge yourself harshly, you lose sight of the good that you’re achieving.

    That you judge yourself at all is an indulgence in breaking yourself down, rather than lifting yourself up.

    That’s why those who judge themselves most, are also most dependent on others treating them well before they feel significant, even if their behaviour doesn’t warrant such fair treatment.

    That’s how social validation becomes the motivator for everything that we do.

    But, we’re so focused on hiding our shame of what we believe to be inadequate about ourselves that we forget that we’re hiding our shame.

    We then grow to be defined by the validation that we receive for everything on the outside while losing sight of how we’re avoiding everything on the inside.

    The more successful we are in gaining such ‘respect’ or validation from others, the more we become convinced that we’re right, and that anyone who points out our shortcomings must be wrong…or at the least, they must be cruel or envious, they just don’t understand us. .

    When judge others by the same standard that we judge ourselves.

    You must be OK with oppressing yourself first before you’ll find justification in oppressing others.

    You can only give what you have.

    That’s how the ones who are sincere in our growth will be taken for granted when we discard them in favour of those who are looking for validation for their ability to validate us.

    Victims support each other towards being OK with being victims.

    Unless you break the cycle of victim mentality, you’ll lose sight of what good you are capable of achieving, while focusing on what shame you need to pacify yourself about.

    Ingratitude is the illegitimate child of self-loathing.

    That’s when life feels most torturous.

    It always starts with you.



  • Your perspective may be your undoing

    Your perspective may be your undoing

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    Your perspective may be your undoing

    Internal conflict is the greatest contributor to misery.

    And misery or stress is felt most deeply when we’re at odds with ourselves, which affects our health because of that internal conflict.

    It is stress that always precedes any physical ailment that forms as a chronic illness within our body.

    And expectations are at the core of stress.

    We experience the most stress when what we believe others expect from us conflicts with what we expect from ourselves because it feels like they’re being unreasonable or as if they’re trying to set us up fry fail.

    But we only stress if we lack the ability or confidence to correct their expectations, or to adjust our own.

    That confidence is rarely developed in the moment of being challenged.

    Confidence comes from the credibility that we develop in ourselves after experiencing the positive outcomes of being true to ourselves.

    That means that as long as we avoid being true to ourselves because of the fear of rejection or ridicule, we won’t give ourselves an opportunity to prove ourselves.

    In other words, when we hold back because we try to fit in, we drift further away from confidence, and closer to being defined by what others think of us.

    That’s how we become miserable, because life becomes a chase for acceptance and validation.

    Accomplishments then lack sweetness or fulfilment unless someone else acknowledges the value of what we accomplished.

    But even then, we won’t truly connect with the joy and gratitude of such accomplishments because our fulfilment is found in receiving validation from others, and not in the beauty of who we are.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Who’s draining your joy?

    Who’s draining your joy?

    Avoidance requires distractions, and distractions are exhausting.

    We don’t always avoid the truth because we want to.

    In fact, most often, it’s because we’re persisting in what we believe to be true that causes us to ignore the reality that we’re facing.

    Like investing in someone who is at war with themselves.

    Or expecting opportunities to work out when the others involved have a different agenda.

    Or wanting to believe that we’re significant to someone when we never were because they were chasing significance in something or someone else.

    And of course, when we deny the reasons for not achieving something by insisting that it was due to actions from others rather than accepting that we didn’t quite commit to it the way we should have.

    Protecting ourselves from admitting the truth is only necessary when we attach shame to having gotten something wrong.

    That shame is not because of how others would react, but because of how we judge ourselves relative to how much weight we place on the opinions of others.

    Life gets a whole lot simpler and more fulfilling when our opinion about ourselves matters more than what others think of us.

    That’s when the truth becomes easier to embrace because instead of viewing ourselves with shame, we see less than ideal outcomes as feedback on how to raise our game.

    Unfortunately, most of us are playing our game by someone else’s rules and then blaming them for why we’re unsuccessful at achieving our goals.

    Maybe that’s why you’re tired before even stepping out of bed.

    It’s time to own your life.

    It always starts with you.

  • Choose your battles carefully

    Choose your battles carefully

    There’s that old saying that reminds us that if we stop to respond to every barking dog, we’ll never get to the end of the street..

    The lack of interest, lack of respect, or lack of appreciation that you receive in response to your efforts towards what should be joint goals is good reason to get into arguments or debates with those around you about what you need from them.

    We’re human, so there will be times when we all need a reminder about what we may be forgetting or neglecting, so those tough discussions are sometimes beneficial when you express how you’re affected by what others are doing or not doing.

    However, find a balance between investing in relationships that are mutually respectful, versus recognising when you’re just seen as background noise because what is important to you is not important to them.

    This is true in every role that we may play, including parenting, professional roles, partnerships in business, and especially with our partners in life.

    The easiest thing to do is talk a big talk about what we stand for.

    Recognising who repeatedly doesn’t live by their words is a good starting point to reconsider how much of your time and effort is justified in trying to get through to them.

    While we must always keep working at creating understanding because that is the root of the love and harmony that we want in life, we must also be able to know the difference between a misunderstanding and a lack of interest.

    It’s the lack of interest in the other person to live up to the shared values that you may have with them that becomes important to recognise when you should invest in building understanding, versus when you are wasting your time trying to get through to someone who lacks interest in what’s important to you.

    This is where mindfulness is more important than commitment, or else you’ll be fully committed to a dead end while convincing yourself that you’re striving towards a shared goal.

  • How much are you worth?

    How much are you worth?

    When your behaviour is driven by how others treat you, the good times become dull, and the bad times become dreary.

    It might seem endearing to focus on how others treat you so that you can return the favour if they’re being sweet or kind, but that means that you are not being true to yourself in that moment.

    Your response to someone should be based on how you feel about what is going on in that moment with them, and not a pacified version of you to avoid conflict or to not let them feel bad.

    The reason this is important is because if you hold back for long enough, you slowly build up resentment about not being able to be yourself, while the other person has no idea that you’re holding back all the time.

    That results in two entirely avoidable issues.

    Firstly, they have very good reason to doubt your sincerity when they discover that you’ve been less than sincere all this time.

    Secondly, neither will you nor they know the real you behind that show of pleasantries.

    That’s just one more way to suck the joy out of life while waiting to find happiness.

    Being true to yourself must be your first priority in any relationship. That’s what adds to the substance of it all.

    But being true to yourself doesn’t mean being inconsiderate or abrasive, or being self-centred or offensive.

    It means speaking your truth and expressing yourself with passion and sincerity without diminishing the other person in the process.

    It’s about giving them an opportunity to experience the real you, the way that you want to be experienced, and not the way that you think they deserve to experience you.

    It always starts with you.