Tag: mentalhealthawareness

  • Who cares?

    Who cares?

    How often do you indulge in self-care because you truly value yourself, versus doing it because you have no reason to believe that anyone else cares enough to do it for you?

    Just because we believe we’re worth it, doesn’t mean that we treat ourselves kindly out of gratitude for who we are.

    Self-care that is driven by true gratitude for the self will result in emotional tranquility despite the trying circumstances of our lives, or the lacking substance in our relationships with others.

    It will result in moments of pause that happen spontaneously because we connect with the value of that moment, rather than because we have to pace ourselves in the hope of remaining functional in our duties towards others.

    Self-pity subtly transforms into self-loathing when it grows to define how we see our place in this world relative to what we need or want from others.

    When our internal conversation shifts towards convincing ourselves that who we are is why we’re not getting what we need, or why we’re not being treated the way we’d like to be treated, that’s when our thinking is driven by the belief that we’re not enough.

    True gratitude for the self is not driven by how others react to you.

    Their reaction is only ever an indication of two things.

    Firstly, the effectiveness of your efforts to communicate what is important to you relative to where they’re at.

    Secondly, a reflection of their ability to receive what you’re offering because of where they’re at.

    Figuring out the difference between the two demands mindfulness and the absence of self-loathing.

    Judging yourself based on your ability to get through to others is nothing more than a distraction from what you should be improving in your efforts to be more effective at achieving what you believe is important,

    Judgement is always only ever the first step in growth.

    It is driven by self-loathing when it becomes the final step.

    What truly drives your reasons for self-care?

  • Pitying yourself because of your self-pity

    Pitying yourself because of your self-pity

    When we realise the impact that our self-pity has on those around us, we’ll discover that we’re part of the cycle that leads to us feeling sorry for ourselves.

    Focusing on what we don’t have distracts us from all the opportunities that are possible with what we do have.

    Similarly, focusing on who we are not, distracts us from all the amazing things that we are capable of because of who we are.

    The root of this problem of self-pity lies in two things.

    We compare ourselves to others.

    And then we assume to know what they think of us because of how they treat us.

    Any comparison we make must be focused on learning and growing by observing in others what is possible within ourselves.

    It must be a source of inspiration to constantly improve, not because we’re deficient, but because we’re capable of more.

    Any focus on what others may think of us must be driven by our need to measure our effectiveness in our efforts to impact their lives in the way that we intended to.

    And any consideration of what is implied by how they treat us must include our understanding, or at least our effort towards understanding, what they may be grappling with in their own life that causes them to behave badly towards us.

    Ingratitude is formed within us when we diminish the value of what we have because we’re fixated on everything that we don’t have.

    You can’t build a life with what you don’t have.

    You can only create something with what you do have.

    Start there.

    Or else you won’t start at all.

    It always starts with you.

  • When gratitude becomes a transaction

    When gratitude becomes a transaction

    When we lack gratitude for who we are but wish to feel grateful, we surround ourselves with things and people who don’t expect more from us than we expect from ourselves.

    To do this, we must push away those who believe that we’re capable of more.

    Focusing on proving your gratitude, to yourself and to others, is ingratitude.

    Gratitude is like humility, or happiness.

    Gratitude is not a choice, nor is it an attitude.

    Gratitude is a state of being.

    It’s a deeply profound connection that we have between who we are and what we desire to improve in the world around us.

    The distraction comes in when we focus on improving that world around us because we want to be appreciated, or because we want to appear generous, or benevolent in some way.

    However, these choices are rarely, if ever, conscious choices that we make.

    The ones who are consciously putting up a front will reveal clear signs of self-loathing in their physical state.

    That’s why the ones who are trading acts of gratitude to compensate for their lack of self-worth will put in that much more effort in how they show up physically, while fading away the moment someone looks deeper than their facade.

    Self-loathing is ever more destructive when we blame others for how we feel about ourselves, because most often, we lash out dry, or discard, the ones who built us up in the first place.

    Self-loathing destroys more than just your peace.

    It also destroys the peace of those who care enough to want you to be in a better space.

    It always starts with you.

  • Are you really passionate?

    Are you really passionate?

    They say that there is no limit to what a man can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit for it.

    Right there is the reason why most of us don’t achieve our dreams.

    We chase validation more than we pursue excellence.

    When we don’t get that validation, we give up our dreams and rage at the world instead.

    Waiting for others to validate your efforts, or to buy into your dream before you pursue it yourself means that you aren’t truly convinced about the value of it in the first place.

    However, when we get to that point, we try to convince ourselves that we could’ve been great if only…

    The reality is…our main reason for wanting to achieve it was what we hoped it would draw in appreciation or praise from others, and not because we truly wanted to create something of value to us.

    Needing validation is a human trait.

    We need to feel appreciated, or understood, or celebrated even.

    However, none of that comes from chasing for it.

    It comes from people connecting with the value of who we are and what we create in the world around us.

    When we give up on our dreams because of the absence of support from others while we’re trying to achieve it, we deny them an opportunity to experience the value of what we believed in.

    Worse than this, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the joy of creating something of value because we found it valuable, and not because we needed to be noticed.

    Life feels empty, despite our successes, when we rely on the reactions from others to encourage us to pursue what’s important to us.

    Are you really passionate about your dream, or are you hoping it will attract people into your life?

    If you’re not investing in you, why should anyone else?


    Own Your Life.

  • A hard heart beats its owner

    A hard heart beats its owner

    We become defined by what we have when we lack substance in who we are.

    We offer material comfort and chase material gains when connecting with the human, both in ourselves and in others, seems like a stretch too far.

    What we think of ourselves is what we surround ourselves with.

    The one who loves the scent of perfume won’t spend their day in the bellows of a blacksmith if they had the option to spend it in the indulgent space of a perfumery.

    The reason we avoid people who demand more of our humanness and less of our outward success is because we can’t give what we don’t have.

    Therefore, we only give of what we have.

    Similarly, we only find what we’re searching for.

    If we’re searching for evidence of why who we are is not enough, we’ll find it.

    But, in the process, we’ll also lose sight of every bit of evidence that confirms what is enough, or more than enough about who we are.

    There is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.

    When we focus on the bad, we become selfish and hard-hearted.

    Hard-heartedness only ever leads to misery, and self-imposed misery loves company.

    That’s why, when our opinions of ourselves is shaped by how others respond to us, or what we don’t have, the only thing left to give is bitterness and anger.

    Nothing more. Nothing less.

    And then we blame the world for being a cruel place.

    The world is what we make of it. And what we see in others is a reflection of how we see ourselves.

    It always starts with you.

  • Ingratitude, the illegitimate child of self-loathing

    Ingratitude, the illegitimate child of self-loathing

    When you judge yourself harshly, you lose sight of the good that you’re achieving.

    That you judge yourself at all is an indulgence in breaking yourself down, rather than lifting yourself up.

    That’s why those who judge themselves most, are also most dependent on others treating them well before they feel significant, even if their behaviour doesn’t warrant such fair treatment.

    That’s how social validation becomes the motivator for everything that we do.

    But, we’re so focused on hiding our shame of what we believe to be inadequate about ourselves that we forget that we’re hiding our shame.

    We then grow to be defined by the validation that we receive for everything on the outside while losing sight of how we’re avoiding everything on the inside.

    The more successful we are in gaining such ‘respect’ or validation from others, the more we become convinced that we’re right, and that anyone who points out our shortcomings must be wrong…or at the least, they must be cruel or envious, they just don’t understand us. .

    When judge others by the same standard that we judge ourselves.

    You must be OK with oppressing yourself first before you’ll find justification in oppressing others.

    You can only give what you have.

    That’s how the ones who are sincere in our growth will be taken for granted when we discard them in favour of those who are looking for validation for their ability to validate us.

    Victims support each other towards being OK with being victims.

    Unless you break the cycle of victim mentality, you’ll lose sight of what good you are capable of achieving, while focusing on what shame you need to pacify yourself about.

    Ingratitude is the illegitimate child of self-loathing.

    That’s when life feels most torturous.

    It always starts with you.



  • Your perspective may be your undoing

    Your perspective may be your undoing

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    Your perspective may be your undoing

    Internal conflict is the greatest contributor to misery.

    And misery or stress is felt most deeply when we’re at odds with ourselves, which affects our health because of that internal conflict.

    It is stress that always precedes any physical ailment that forms as a chronic illness within our body.

    And expectations are at the core of stress.

    We experience the most stress when what we believe others expect from us conflicts with what we expect from ourselves because it feels like they’re being unreasonable or as if they’re trying to set us up fry fail.

    But we only stress if we lack the ability or confidence to correct their expectations, or to adjust our own.

    That confidence is rarely developed in the moment of being challenged.

    Confidence comes from the credibility that we develop in ourselves after experiencing the positive outcomes of being true to ourselves.

    That means that as long as we avoid being true to ourselves because of the fear of rejection or ridicule, we won’t give ourselves an opportunity to prove ourselves.

    In other words, when we hold back because we try to fit in, we drift further away from confidence, and closer to being defined by what others think of us.

    That’s how we become miserable, because life becomes a chase for acceptance and validation.

    Accomplishments then lack sweetness or fulfilment unless someone else acknowledges the value of what we accomplished.

    But even then, we won’t truly connect with the joy and gratitude of such accomplishments because our fulfilment is found in receiving validation from others, and not in the beauty of who we are.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Own your prejudice

    Own your prejudice

    While I can’t take credit for the poster, the message in the poster is 100% on point.

    If you find this offensive, I offer life coaching at very reasonable rates aimed at helping you to own your prejudices.

    We need to support women instead of accommodating wayward men.

    The same applies for boys who think their toys are an entitlement to sexual favours from women.

    That only happens because they have a low self-esteem, go base desires control their behaviour.

    Society’s insensitivity and lack of basic education about the natural processes of the biology of a woman is exactly the ignorance at the heart of the problem.

    And that doesn’t mean sex education.

    It means we need more education that highlights the human behind the biology, for both men and women, or boys and girls.

    In a time when information is so readily available to even the under privileged, ignorance is no longer an excuse.

    We need to change the narrative.

    Now is a great time to start!