Category: Life

  • Feeding that generational curse

    Feeding that generational curse

    Don’t contribute towards the generational curse that weighs you down by withholding who you are because of ingratitude from those who themselves are at war within themselves.

    We all have our internal battles that cause us to show up badly at times.

    When we lose sight of this, we focus on how others show up badly and then judge them, or we judge our value to them, as being inadequate.

    That’s when we expect the world to make up for how we feel about ourselves, despite having traded the best of us for the worst of others.

    But this transaction is an internal, quietly hidden one.

    It’s a transaction that creeps up slowly, almost gently, so as not to cause alarm as we shift from gratitude, towards ingratitude, and finally towards bitterness.

    When you feel like you’re facing roadblocks at every turn, it’s time to take stock of where you’re at, so that you can find your way back to the path towards the destination that you wanted for yourself before you were distracted by the demons of others.

    You don’t break generational curses by fighting it.

    You break it by rising above it, while creating space for your tribe to join you when they’ve had opportunity to experience the value of your journey.

    But, if you don’t pursue your journey with conviction and consistency, you deny yourself and others the opportunity to discover a more wholesome way to live.

    It always starts with you.

  • Dreams are abandoned in silence

    Dreams are abandoned in silence

    No one celebrates their defeat, or their surrender.

    When they appear to be doing so, they’re looking for empathy or assistance to overcome what they’re finding difficult to deal with.

    Or they’re preemptively exposing their shame to deny others the opportunity to shame them.

    Giving up loudly is a test or a plea to see if what we’re struggling with is important to those around us.

    It’s a means to ask for help when asking for help feels like weakness, or vulnerability.

    It’s a way of raising concern about something that we’re unhappy about in company from which we feel uncomfortable asking for assistance.

    And we give up silently when we’re finally convinced that it really didn’t matter in the first place.

    That’s when we go quietly, without a sound or a sign, but with resolve to leave it behind and move on.

    Pay attention to what your loved ones are no longer complaining about, or not asking for help on.

    Silence always holds more answers than shouting out loud.

  • Abandon your values, abandon your peace

    Abandon your values, abandon your peace

    There are times when the burden of standing alone weighs down heavily enough to convince us to just let go.

    Most often, we’re focused on letting go because holding on is too hard, and not because we’re creating something better in its place.

    When we let go for the wrong reasons, we compromise who we are and what we stand for.

    We let go because we want peace, not because we agree with the reasons for letting go, or giving up, or not standing up!

    That’s when we compromise our values in the hope of having peace.

    But peace becomes elusive when what we’re left with conflicts with what we stand for.

    Like condoning behaviour that we disagree with, just to avoid the argument.

    Or overlooking unethical or immoral conduct because we don’t want to get involved.

    It may offer us the avoidance of conflict, but avoidance of conflict doesn’t mean we’ll have peace.

    It only means that we will have some measure of calm on the outside, but turmoil on the inside.

    When you find yourself having to compromise your values to avoid conflict, consider that it is not your values that is problematic, but rather how you are trying to share the importance of your values with those around you.

    First change your approach, or your method, or your expectations of others, before abandoning your values.

    Most often, we find ourselves expecting them to connect with what is important to us without giving them reason to understand why it’s important in the first place.

    That’s usually because we haven’t looked deeper than our emotional connection with our value system either.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Does it matter what you deserve?

    Does it matter what you deserve?

    While it’s true that we pursue only that which we believe we deserve, or what we believe we’re capable of achieving, the irony of life is found when we pause to consider what we deserve in the first place.

    It’s a distraction that leads us further from purpose and closer to self-serving behaviour.

    It’s a delicate balance between recognising when we may be undermining our self-worth versus connecting with the value that we wish to create.

    When we lack awareness of the value of who we are, we slip into a victim-like mindset where we feel threatened with insignificance or irrelevance when others do not validate or appreciate us.

    That’s when we find reason to focus on what we deserve, or we deride ourselves for what we believe we’re incapable of achieving.

    The moment we believe we have to claim what we deserve, we lose sight of the struggle of the human who is treating us poorly. It also means that we’re devalued because of how they are treating us.

    Whether either is true is irrelevant, because the way to ensure that we don’t lose ourselves to their behaviour is to ensure that we are connected, with conviction, about who we are in that moment.

    The more mindful we are about the value that we wish to create in every moment, the less we’ll be distracted by bad behaviour from others, and the more we’ll be focused on creating beautiful moments, rather than lamenting bad ones.

    It all starts with honest, sincere, self-awareness that is focused on the gratitude of who we are, rather than our sense of entitlement to the validation or inclusion that we need from others.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Do you matter when it matters most?

    Do you matter when it matters most?

    I often hear about people who are frustrated at not being able to get through to someone.

    The most common assumption when that happens is that we’re obviously not important to them, or what we need isn’t important to them.

    Sometimes, that may be true. Especially when it comes to those who are not close to us but we have to work with or get along with them for reasons beyond our control.

    When we recognise what our role is in someone’s space, we’ll find it easier to choose our moments when our words may be appreciated, versus when silence will be more appropriate.

    Even with loved ones.

    Assuming that we’re unimportant also assumes that what they need is something that they need from us, let alone something that we can give them. .

    That’s the difficult part to accept because of our desire to be everything for those we love.

    However, it’s a distraction from what’s really going on in their space.

    Without meaning to, we make their needs about us while losing sight of what they need.

    Sometimes, seeking to understand before assuming to be insignificant may increase the significance that is felt by both, whereas demanding significance diminishes the significance of both.

    The fear of insignificance has probably created more insecurity than insecurity itself.

    If you’re convinced of your value, acceptance or validation from others, while still important, will not have an unhealthy impact on you when they’re not expressing it in the way that you need.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • A burdensome labour of love

    A burdensome labour of love

    Responsibility, when met with gratitude, feels like a labour of love.

    Remove gratitude, and it becomes a burdensome load.

    But only if gratitude is expected.

    That’s when expectations weigh down on us more than responsibility, because of the internal wait for others to reciprocate, or to notice.

    It’s not unreasonable to hold that expectation.

    In fact, we should expect those around us to show gratitude or to share the load, so that the relationship is not reduced to one of a mere exchange of duties.

    However, we must remember that they have the same expectation in return.

    More than this, if we’re not aware of this expectation that we have, because it’s usually a subconscious one, we feel disappointment or a growing bitterness towards those who we feel are taking us for granted.

    And again, the same is true in return from their side.

    To overcome this, not only must we be aware of this expectation, we must also understand if the other person is aware of it, and if they’re capable of meeting it.

    That opens a whole new can of worms. But that’s part of the fun of relationships, isn’t it?

    Having silly moments of realisation when you discover that what you were fretting about was only real in your head because the support or gratitude you were looking for was there all along.

    It just wasn’t in the form or expression that you were expecting.

  • Don’t lose yourself to the chase

    Don’t lose yourself to the chase

    No one sets out to chase money or the high life.

    But many convince themselves that such a lifestyle will earn them the happiness and fulfilment that they desire.

    Sadly, we easily become distracted by the lifestyle and lose sight of the fulfilment that we seek.

    What we need emotionally, and how we need to show up for those around us, is quickly forgotten in the chase to maintain what we have, or to increase it.

    When we become defined by the quality of life that we have, we lose ourselves to its pursuit.

    Worse still, when we define our quality of life by what we have, we must realise that we have already lost ourselves and the cherished bonds with those around us.

    There are many who fiercely defend the accumulation of wealth and luxury as their service to those around them.

    They’re the ones who believe that who they are is not enough, hence the need to compensate by providing materially what they lack emotionally.

    Gratitude for the self must precede gratitude for our quality of life, or else we’ll find ourselves forever feeling incomplete, being able to choose our misery, but unable to choose our fulfilment.

    Choose carefully, before all you’re left with is wasted time and lots of money.



  • Know why, or else…

    Know why, or else…

    I often have to remind myself that it is not the disregard that others show for what I do that matters, it is my need for them to show regard for what I do that distracts me when they are uninterested or condescending.

    Similarly, it’s not the disrespect, or the lack of affection that gets us down, it’s the knowledge that we trusted someone with our need, while they chose not to honour our need, that hurts us.

    The hurt often distracts us towards fighting for our needs to be honoured, or our trust to be appreciated, while distracting us from two key things.

    We gave trust because we have it to give, and can therefore retract it at will rather than waiting for it to be returned.

    And, we offered of ourselves to someone who themselves may not have the same to offer in return.

    The choice on how to proceed from that point of realisation is dependent on how much value we place in that relationship, and in that need that we have from them.

    Recognising these differences could be the difference between abandoning a relationship for the wrong reasons, or staying in it for the wrong reasons.

    The right thing to do only comes to us when we understand why something feels wrong.

    Otherwise we end up raging or feeling despondent without knowing why, and then wait for the world to make us feel better about ourselves.

    If you make big decisions without understanding why you feel compelled to make such decisions, you will find a lot of regret awaiting you on your path through life.