Tag: motherhood

  • Self-indulgent self-loathing

    Self-indulgent self-loathing

    Self-indulgence leads to self-loathing because there are too many who think that contentment lies in putting yourself first.

    Putting yourself first is easy.

    Look around and see how many self-indulgent people you have in your life, and then consider how it is that they may really just be trying to take care of themselves because they don’t feel cared for.

    And then consider how many around them feel the exact same way because they’re invisible to the one who is self-indulgent, while finding that to be reason to be self-indulgent too.

    That’s how the crazy cycle of loneliness and isolation of spirit is maintained.

    The lower your self-esteem, the more you try to raise visibility for your struggle.

    ‘You don’t know how hard it is…’

    ‘If only you experienced what I experienced…’

    ‘Nobody understands…’

    ‘Nobody cares…’

    ‘No one gave me a start in life…’

    Whether that is true is irrelevant to what you need to do.

    When you need your struggle to be heard, to be seen, to be appreciated, or to be celebrated before you move on from it, you hold yourself back while looking for validation.

    Only, you don’t think it’s validation. You think it’s honouring yourself.

    Your struggle is for your growth so that you can contribute what you didn’t receive.

    That’s how we improve the world and the quality of lives of those we care for, because that’s what feeds our soul.

    The more you indulge yourself before others, the more you’ll chase fulfilment in a never ending spiral while blaming everyone for not caring, or for using you.

    If you only offer material benefit, how is anyone supposed to take emotional comfort from you?

    Own your life, because if you’re not owning it, you’re probably messing up someone else’s without meaning to.

  • Home breakers

    Home breakers

    Those who live with the expectation of receiving what they need, rather than putting in the effort to create it with their own heart and hands, will take for granted that which others have exhausted themselves building.

    Like a home. There are too many who expect to feel at home because of their material contribution, but don’t know what it takes to create that homely feeling.

    Providing the house doesn’t make it a home. Nor does cleaning the house make it a home.

    Buying the groceries doesn’t make an endearing family meal. Nor does cooking it.

    What connects our efforts with the hearts of those around us is not in the material or dutiful contribution that we make. It’s in the love and appreciation that accompanies how we treat ourselves and them, that connects our hearts and creates a home.

    Those who were raised in an environment where their responsibility was more important than their emotional needs will find it easier to judge the quality of their relationships based on what they get from it, rather than how they’re loved or appreciated.

    True love and appreciation will automatically result in wanting to create that homely feeling, or that endearing family meal.

    Without that love and appreciation, love becomes a transaction, and a check list of things to do so that we avoid blame when things go wrong.

    The better we are at that check list, the more we believe we’re truly loving and appreciating life. Until we stop getting what we need.

    But, as always, you can’t give what you don’t have.

    If you treat yourself like a commodity, your affection for others will be based on the fear of not having them around, or not getting what you need from them.

    Who they are and what they need will not feature at all. Sadly, you probably won’t even be aware of it when you’re in that state.

    That’s why self awareness is so important. Because it always, always starts with you.