Tag: hope

  • When your sincerity is tested

    When your sincerity is tested

    Our sincerity is tested when we’re faced with the opportunity to contribute in kindness, while being treated with disregard or ingratitude.

    But it’s not our sincerity towards others that is tested.

    It is the sincerity of our convictions about what we hold true as principles to live by.

    We lose the best of who we are, when we abandon it in the face of neglect from others.

    When we withhold our contribution because we’re afraid that it won’t be appreciated, or repaid in kind, we diminish who we are to become like who they are.

    Of course, in everything, there must be moderation.

    And the moderation in this is that we must be mindful of when our selfless contribution may be enabling their selfish behaviour, or validating their ingratitude.

    So give without the expectation of receiving, but don’t give to the point where you exhaust yourself while feeding the ungrateful mindset of one who feels entitled without good cause.

    Moderation is key in everything that you do, except your expression of gratitude.

    And sometimes, that gratitude is expressed by withholding your contribution from others because you want them to experience gratitude for what they keep taking for granted before you continue to give.

    It always starts with you.

  • Feeding that generational curse

    Feeding that generational curse

    Don’t contribute towards the generational curse that weighs you down by withholding who you are because of ingratitude from those who themselves are at war within themselves.

    We all have our internal battles that cause us to show up badly at times.

    When we lose sight of this, we focus on how others show up badly and then judge them, or we judge our value to them, as being inadequate.

    That’s when we expect the world to make up for how we feel about ourselves, despite having traded the best of us for the worst of others.

    But this transaction is an internal, quietly hidden one.

    It’s a transaction that creeps up slowly, almost gently, so as not to cause alarm as we shift from gratitude, towards ingratitude, and finally towards bitterness.

    When you feel like you’re facing roadblocks at every turn, it’s time to take stock of where you’re at, so that you can find your way back to the path towards the destination that you wanted for yourself before you were distracted by the demons of others.

    You don’t break generational curses by fighting it.

    You break it by rising above it, while creating space for your tribe to join you when they’ve had opportunity to experience the value of your journey.

    But, if you don’t pursue your journey with conviction and consistency, you deny yourself and others the opportunity to discover a more wholesome way to live.

    It always starts with you.

  • Dreams are abandoned in silence

    Dreams are abandoned in silence

    No one celebrates their defeat, or their surrender.

    When they appear to be doing so, they’re looking for empathy or assistance to overcome what they’re finding difficult to deal with.

    Or they’re preemptively exposing their shame to deny others the opportunity to shame them.

    Giving up loudly is a test or a plea to see if what we’re struggling with is important to those around us.

    It’s a means to ask for help when asking for help feels like weakness, or vulnerability.

    It’s a way of raising concern about something that we’re unhappy about in company from which we feel uncomfortable asking for assistance.

    And we give up silently when we’re finally convinced that it really didn’t matter in the first place.

    That’s when we go quietly, without a sound or a sign, but with resolve to leave it behind and move on.

    Pay attention to what your loved ones are no longer complaining about, or not asking for help on.

    Silence always holds more answers than shouting out loud.

  • Don’t honour your fear

    Don’t honour your fear

    Fear is a tricky emotion.

    When we feel the fear rising within us, it’s the first time that we become aware of something that threatens our peace or our significance.

    But because it’s also the most prominent emotion that connects with us physically, it often feels more real than it is.

    That’s why we respond to the fear, or we set out trying to find the best ways to cope with it.

    But fear is just a signal to draw our focus to the real issue that requires our attention.

    Fear is driven by the assumptions that we make about whether our needs are going to be fulfilled, or not.

    Fear is what we experience when what we need from a situation or relationship is under threat.

    The reasons for it being under threat is often a combination of actual lessons learnt, versus assumptions based on past experiences.

    It’s those assumptions the we should focus on, not the fear itself.

    After careful consideration, should the assumptions prove true, we then have the opportunity to respond purposefully to the issues that we’ve identified, rather than holding on to the fear itself.

    Don’t honour your fear. Honour your ability to rise above it, the way you have so many times before in your life.

    Own Your Life.

  • Abandon your values, abandon your peace

    Abandon your values, abandon your peace

    There are times when the burden of standing alone weighs down heavily enough to convince us to just let go.

    Most often, we’re focused on letting go because holding on is too hard, and not because we’re creating something better in its place.

    When we let go for the wrong reasons, we compromise who we are and what we stand for.

    We let go because we want peace, not because we agree with the reasons for letting go, or giving up, or not standing up!

    That’s when we compromise our values in the hope of having peace.

    But peace becomes elusive when what we’re left with conflicts with what we stand for.

    Like condoning behaviour that we disagree with, just to avoid the argument.

    Or overlooking unethical or immoral conduct because we don’t want to get involved.

    It may offer us the avoidance of conflict, but avoidance of conflict doesn’t mean we’ll have peace.

    It only means that we will have some measure of calm on the outside, but turmoil on the inside.

    When you find yourself having to compromise your values to avoid conflict, consider that it is not your values that is problematic, but rather how you are trying to share the importance of your values with those around you.

    First change your approach, or your method, or your expectations of others, before abandoning your values.

    Most often, we find ourselves expecting them to connect with what is important to us without giving them reason to understand why it’s important in the first place.

    That’s usually because we haven’t looked deeper than our emotional connection with our value system either.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Does it matter what you deserve?

    Does it matter what you deserve?

    While it’s true that we pursue only that which we believe we deserve, or what we believe we’re capable of achieving, the irony of life is found when we pause to consider what we deserve in the first place.

    It’s a distraction that leads us further from purpose and closer to self-serving behaviour.

    It’s a delicate balance between recognising when we may be undermining our self-worth versus connecting with the value that we wish to create.

    When we lack awareness of the value of who we are, we slip into a victim-like mindset where we feel threatened with insignificance or irrelevance when others do not validate or appreciate us.

    That’s when we find reason to focus on what we deserve, or we deride ourselves for what we believe we’re incapable of achieving.

    The moment we believe we have to claim what we deserve, we lose sight of the struggle of the human who is treating us poorly. It also means that we’re devalued because of how they are treating us.

    Whether either is true is irrelevant, because the way to ensure that we don’t lose ourselves to their behaviour is to ensure that we are connected, with conviction, about who we are in that moment.

    The more mindful we are about the value that we wish to create in every moment, the less we’ll be distracted by bad behaviour from others, and the more we’ll be focused on creating beautiful moments, rather than lamenting bad ones.

    It all starts with honest, sincere, self-awareness that is focused on the gratitude of who we are, rather than our sense of entitlement to the validation or inclusion that we need from others.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • The burden of self-loathing

    The burden of self-loathing

    Allow me to explain…

    “I trust more easily those who expose the struggles of their lives, rather than those who live a life of pretend.”

    Our need to pretend is evidence of self-loathing.

    “But not those who present their struggles to justify their shortcomings.”

    Too many preempt being judged harshly about what they know they’re lacking in their conduct, and present their struggles to offer an excuse for why they are unable to be better than who they are.

    This is further evidence of self-loathing.

    “Such struggles are filtered versions of the truth to present a facade to win favour or sympathy.”

    Be weary of those who wear their hearts on their sleeves. They will expect you to honour their struggles rather than to uplift them from that space.

    “If we lie about our life, how can we be trusted about anything else?”

    Those who present their lives to be something other than what it evidently is, are ashamed of who they are.

    Again, self-loathing is what drives their behaviour.

    When you engage with such people, or if you are doing some of this, the problem to be solved is not one of honesty or authenticity.

    The problem to be solved is one of acceptance and understanding to reconnect with the human that feels less than human.

    To reconnect with the human who lost sight of their value, rather than to correct their behaviour.

    And if you can’t connect despite your best efforts, then remain silent and walk away.

    Your harsh criticism or judgment, no matter how well-intentioned, will further beat down the one who is already beating themselves up.

    Be kind. Be understanding. Be human.

  • Do you matter when it matters most?

    Do you matter when it matters most?

    I often hear about people who are frustrated at not being able to get through to someone.

    The most common assumption when that happens is that we’re obviously not important to them, or what we need isn’t important to them.

    Sometimes, that may be true. Especially when it comes to those who are not close to us but we have to work with or get along with them for reasons beyond our control.

    When we recognise what our role is in someone’s space, we’ll find it easier to choose our moments when our words may be appreciated, versus when silence will be more appropriate.

    Even with loved ones.

    Assuming that we’re unimportant also assumes that what they need is something that they need from us, let alone something that we can give them. .

    That’s the difficult part to accept because of our desire to be everything for those we love.

    However, it’s a distraction from what’s really going on in their space.

    Without meaning to, we make their needs about us while losing sight of what they need.

    Sometimes, seeking to understand before assuming to be insignificant may increase the significance that is felt by both, whereas demanding significance diminishes the significance of both.

    The fear of insignificance has probably created more insecurity than insecurity itself.

    If you’re convinced of your value, acceptance or validation from others, while still important, will not have an unhealthy impact on you when they’re not expressing it in the way that you need.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.