A Beautiful Mess

The last year has been a beautiful mess. It has been a year of pushing boundaries and testing long-held truths. People, relationships, skills, passions, and even hobbies all came under close scrutiny as I peeled away the layers of assumptions that coated them over the years to test whether they still served me well, or at all.

I tested my hand at mindful living, more so at carving my own path through the forest and the lessons that I learnt along the way, most of which are still incomplete, have unlocked new realities and resurfaced old joys. My sense of self continues to evolve, almost on a daily basis. Accepting a truth about my reality on one day seems foolhardy or delusional on another. But in between it all there has been a lightness in my steps that has been absent from my gait for decades.

I lost myself to life over the decades. Courting authenticity with a naive mind can be taxing and expensive. Living out my convictions has increased the isolation around me. Only, it’s an isolation that holds much peace despite the loneliness that it threatens to share. The peace is the absence of expectations, except for the moments that the capitalist structures around me tear away at my being through the yoke that still weighs down on my shoulders. The realisation that what feeds the soul doesn’t feed the belly intensifies each day.

Return to Me

I stumbled upon a collection of some of my writing from many years ago. I had so much more clarity back then. To reconnect with that will require stripping away a lot of the clutter accumulated from my encounters with troubled souls in recent years. At some point, I stopped thinking aloud and started speaking…

A Long Overdue Brain Dump

Certainty is such a mirage. Predictability convinces me that I have stability, but when the disruption comes, I realise that I was simply taking comfort from probabilities. But that’s what life is about, isn’t it? The probability of everything. The probability of good fortune keeps us chasing and the probability of death stops us in…

Fleeting Thoughts (IX)

Sometimes the deepest breaths leave you gasping for air rather than filling you with hope. Is it significance you feel when you are needed for material contribution, or is significance felt when the essence of you is known and appreciated? Questioning life and finding its answers in love is only therapeutic if that love can…

Fleeting Thoughts VIII

When loyalty triumphs over justice, chaos triumphs over peace. Peace is elusive when love for the self is preferred over love for others. Love for others reflects a generous spirit, while hatred for others reflects an insecure soul. Insecurity is founded in ingratitude. Ingratitude breeds insincerity in the same way that stagnant water breeds mosquitoes….

Fleeting Thoughts (VII)

A therapeutic release of clutter is one in which there is no need to string together coherent thoughts. Coherent thoughts dictate a concern for what came before, or what needs to come after which reflects the earnestness of life. Life itself does not afford us the indulgence of being inconsequential, or being oblivious to consequence….