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Failed expectations

The greatest hurts are not from blatant lies.

The deepest cuts are from those we hold dear when they deliberately ignore what they know is important to us.

Or worse, when they deliberately do what they know offends us.

When we make known our expectations or needs from a significant other, we reveal to them what is closest to our heart and leaves us vulnerable.

That’s why we are given to rage or emotional turmoil when they deliberately ignore or refuse to honour our needs with love and gentleness.

We all fall short in this at some point for two reasons. It demands of us to be available in a way that may reveal our inadequacy, or we withhold our contribution because we want to communicate to them how we also feel ignored and uncared for.

So if someone says to you that you should abandon expectations to avoid being hurt, understand that they’re also telling you to abandon the very cement of the trust in your relationship.

If we cannot trust our significant others with the expectations that make us feel valued and fulfilled, then the essence of the relationship will be like that of any other relationship with an acquaintance.

It is the trust that we place in each other that endears us toward each other.

By all means, recognise the power that you’re giving your partner, but understand that without giving them such power, you will have no bond between you.

And if they consistently fail in fulfilling your needs from them, consider that either they do not possess the emotional tools to fulfil it, or they may have expectations of you that you are overlooking.

Understanding the truth behind their failure to show up, rather than assuming that they’re behaving in that way out of wilful and conscious intent, will allow you to either remedy the correct shortcoming in your relationship, or to contribute towards its failure.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #companionship #relationshipgoals

Zaid Ismail

Author, life coach, and mental health activist. We need to change the narrative from disorders, illnesses, and survival to accountability, understanding, and thriving.

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