Recognise your demons

Some of the most disheartening moments we may experience include trying to help someone we care about while they reject our efforts.

The harder we try, the more they resist.

The more persistent we are, the greater their anger or bitterness towards us.

Most often, it’s not because of who we are or what we’re trying to do.

Most often, it’s because we represent the source of the shame that they are grappling with.

When someone feels inadequate, or like a failure, being around those who are composed, or appear successful feels like a threat to them because it risks highlighting their lack of achievement.

Sometimes, just being a good person while standing next to a self-loathing person is enough to bring out the rage in them.

Not because we tried to make them feel bad about their state, but because in our presence, their reasons for self-loathing were intensified.

Despite our best intentions in that moment, if we don’t realise that we represent what they detest about themselves, we’ll blame ourselves for not being good enough, when in fact the opposite was true.

As much as we may want to fight the demons of the ones we love, we must understand that some demons are a creation of their own minds, and can therefore only be fought themselves, or with those who don’t appear as a threat to revealing their shame.

If you need assistance in supporting someone you love through such an episode in their lives, or if you are the one grappling with this, reach out via my website at or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and together we can create the life that you’ve always wanted.

Photo credit : Adobe Stock

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