Tag: trustissues

  • Give trust, before taking it away

    Give trust, before taking it away

    Earn my trust!

    Earn my respect!

    Consider how lofty our opinion is of ourselves when we demand that from others.

    If you don’t trust someone for good reason, then no problem.

    But if you don’t trust someone just because you don’t know them, then you have trust issues.

    That’s how life becomes burdensome because we need to live with our defenses up before we find reason to let our guard down.

    When we demand that others must earn our trust or earn our respect before we give them either, it suggests that by default, we are allowed to disrespect and mistrust others through no fault of their own.

    Often, such a perspective stems from arrogance or defensiveness because we’re still affected by a past betrayal.

    We judge people based on how we judge ourselves.

    And we justify their behaviour based on how we believe we would also react in a similar situation.

    So when you judge, recognise that it is you first that is being judged, before anyone else.

    By all means, allow space for someone to earn your trust on more important issues, but don’t start out by being suspicious.

    There is an important difference between assuming the worst and being suspicious of others, versus creating space for someone to demonstrate their trustworthiness without deliberately testing them first.

    Learning the difference is what allows for peace, instead of creating opportunity for anxiety.

  • Your perspective is your choice

    Your perspective is your choice

    Perspective is a choice, not an inheritance.

    Improve your awareness of why you believe what you believe, and it will be possible to consciously choose what resonates with your personal value system, and discarding what doesn’t.

    When we lose sight of why we hold the perspectives that we do, and those perspectives create a conflict within us, we feel an increase in stress and anger without always understanding why.

    At those times, it’s easy to explain our emotional state by connecting it with our perspectives that are being challenged.

    However, responding from a position of anger or defence because of a perceived attack on what we believe to be true is a defence mechanism.

    We would have no reason to defend that which we believe is based on an objective truth.

    The only way to achieve such a level of confidence in our perspectives and beliefs is by improving our self awareness, and thereby improving our ability to critically assess what we stand for, and why.

    This will go a long way towards finding balance in life, and knowing which battles are worth fighting, and which are not.