You are currently viewing Cutting your nose to spite your face?

Cutting your nose to spite your face?

Spite is that thing we do when we don’t want to appear needy or dependant on others for something that we need from them.

Like needing attention or validation, but not wanting to appear desperate.

If we feel valued, we’ll have a reasonable discussion without feeling as if it’s going to make us appear weak.

If we don’t feel valued, and we don’t want to appear vulnerable or needy with that person, we’ll express our dissatisfaction through behaving in a way that is deliberately unpleasant or spiteful about something that we know the other person doesn’t appreciate.

Either way, spite is driven by our need to be appreciated by someone who is important to us, while we judge ourselves for being weak by needing them to make us feel good.

So when someone is being spiteful, consider in what way they may think you took them for granted. But also consider how weak they feel for needing your appreciation in the first place.

You can either feel burdened with the responsibility of having to make them feel better about themselves, or you can focus on the fact that you’re important enough for them to need your validation or affection.

But, as always, you can’t give what you don’t have.

So if you don’t feel secure about who you are, you’re likely to focus on feeling burdened by their need for validation from you, resulting in you returning the favour of spite because you also don’t want to appear weak to them.

Thus, a juvenile cycle of tit-for-tat ensues, as each partner tests the resolve of the other to see who is going to give in first, while both lose sight of how much life is being wasted in the process.

Who breaks the cycle?

Who is responsible for your feelings of weakness or inadequacy?

As always, it starts with you.

Own Your Life.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail

Zaid Ismail

Author, life coach, and mental health activist. We need to change the narrative from disorders, illnesses, and survival to accountability, understanding, and thriving.

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