Tag: selfharm

  • A bitter end

    A bitter end

    Holding on to bitterness for a past betrayal is like drinking poison and hoping that your betrayer will die.

    Bitterness eats away at your peace while you hope that the intensity of your bitterness will somehow influence the karma of the person who treated you poorly.

    If you had that much power, you’d have been able to enforce  justice with them already.

    The longer you hold on to the bitterness, the more harm you cause for yourself more than any harm that they may have imposed on you.

    When you fixate on your reasons to feel bitter, you prevent yourself from considering whether your assumptions about their intentions or motives are true.

    You also prevent yourself from seeing the impact of your bitterness on those around you who had nothing to do with that betrayal or hurt caused by someone else.

    Sometimes people betray trust because their own fears are stronger than their convictions, and not necessarily because they deliberately wanted to use or hurt you.

    Anger in the face of betrayal, even hurt, is understandable.

    But just because it is understandable doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

    Own how you feel.

    Understand what you can do to handle such situations better in future.

    Move on.

    Life awaits.

  • A victim of your own mind

    A victim of your own mind

    There’s a difference between being a victim in the moment, versus holding onto the victim mindset long after the moment has passed.

    We hold on to the victim mindset when we need others to recognise our struggle, or to acknowledge what we’re having to overcome or deal with.

    The only reason this becomes necessary is because we feel unappreciated for the most part.

    More than this, we also believe that if we don’t have the victim card to play, we will have no excuse when we fall short of the expectations of others.

    The victim mindset is therefore a result of us believing that we’re not worthy in our own right, that’s why we need to give others something to appreciate about who we are and why we are that way.

    This is a classic example of a self-defeating behaviour.

    In addition to all this, when we’re in victim mode, we place demands on others to compensate for our shortcomings, resulting in strained relationships because they become responsible for how we feel about ourselves, while also having to take up the slack that we leave behind because of how exhausting the victim mindset can be.

    You owe it to yourself to rise above the impact of your last experience. Waiting for justice or retribution, or even an apology only results in you placing your life on hold, and most often has zero impact on the one who treated you badly.

    Don’t give them power beyond the event. If you do, you’re feeding the very cycle of abuse or bad behaviour that you feel victim to.