The victim bully

The common trait between the blatant bully and the passive aggressive victim is that they both share a victim mindset.

The one demands significance through invoking fear in others, while the other tests for their significance by shaming or guilt-tripping others.

The victim mindset sets in when we allow ourselves to be defined by the impact of a harsh or hurtful experience long after the event has passed.

We hold onto the impact for a number of reasons, the most common of which include our need to have our struggle recognised by others so that their expectations of us can be reduced in line with what we believe we are only capable of.

In other words, it’s an excuse to avoid accepting accountability for those moments when we feel overwhelmed or incompetent.

The other common reason is to protect ourselves from creating an opportunity to be treated poorly or harshly again.

That’s how we end up sabotaging good relationships by constantly testing the sincerity and commitment that others have towards us.

Those with a victim mindset are in survival mode, denying themselves the sweetness of life while emphasising their struggle to create such a life, hoping that they will be appreciated for their courage and strength to persevere long after their struggle has passed.

At the core of the victim mindset is ingratitude.

It is ingratitude for everything that we are capable of, and all the opportunities that we have to create value for others.

Being a victim of aggression or hurtful behaviour in the moment of its occurrence may not always be avoidable, but remaining in that victim space beyond that moment is a choice that we make.

Those who own this choice will find it possible to move beyond the experience, while those who don’t will forever remain stuck in a moment that has long passed because they refuse to accept that they were not enough for someone important to them.

Choose carefully what and who you allow to define you.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism

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