Random thoughts

Browsing through my archives is somewhat surreal. At times it triggers stark reminders of forgotten moments, but sometimes it feels like I’m a stranger observing a struggling soul. Looking from the outside at someone that’s trying to find their way and not quite figuring it out. It’s strange and disconcerting, but there’s a rawness in the expression of emotion in my posts that reflected a sincerity that seems to be lost these days. I feel so guarded and safe in what I express, or even what I share. It’s as if I’ve suddenly become aware of the audience. I didn’t count on having an audience before. The audience, by their very presence, has tainted my focus, my sincerity, and my courage. I’ve become an attention-whore. And I hate it.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Mariam says:

    I think that’s one of the major pitfalls of social media – how much more honest was Facebook before we could comment and like and like comments? Before it was about sharing with people, now it’s about seeing how popular you are. I think we just have to keep ourselves centered and remember we do not do things for other people, we do them for ourselves.

    1. True, I agree with you. But in many ways, like leaders, don’t you think that it’s a reflection of the superficial nature of society? I mean, the quality of our leaders are a reflection of the values that society embodies, and similarly, social media is merely providing an outlet for soliciting that kind of attention which is just easier to do, but still pursued in our ‘offline’ lives. Everything drives us towards popularity contests, that’s why even the appearance of modesty is now a competition in its own right. But I guess the more important issue is, why do we pursue such affirmation to begin with? Is it lacking from the ones around us? Are we more prone to seeking a no-strings-attached type of affirmation because there’s no demand for reciprocation? Is our self-worth so fragile these days because of the unrealistic expectations that we place on each other? I don’t know…just contemplating it gives me a headache and makes me want to write something clever that will get lots of notes/likes. 🙂

      1. Mariam says:

        Urgh no… There’s no like option on here for me to affirm your self worth by liking your comment on my comment. Gosh darn it! :p

        On a serious note, perhaps our attention seeking behaviour is due to a seemingly all pervasive low self esteem. Every one nowadays seems to be suffering from some sort of depression or feeling of low self worth. What the root is, I don’t know. The media maybe? Or the government. When in doubt, blame the government.

        Or maybe we do it to ourselves by coming on these sites on the first place, unconsciously hoping to find some kind of justification for our thoughts and ideas. Hoping that someone, somewhere thinks the same as us and we’re not the only one. And when you get that first like or that first like/reblog its like the first hit of a drug. “Oh my word, someone liked my post! Someone has read my thoughts and found them worthy!”

        I’m rambling now. Apologies.

      2. Hehehe…but the effort for a full blown comment is so much more affirming! 😉

        Our attention seeking behaviour, I believe, is definitely a result of a lacking life experience at home, which obviously results in self esteem issues. The rate of increase in dysfunctional homes/families seems to mirror the rate of increase in the excessive diagnosis of people with mental illnesses, let alone societal degradation. The media, as always, will play on our fears and milk us on our aspirations. That’s what sells papers, and that’s what makes corporations rich.

        But you’re right, it is like a drug, and sometimes it’s nearly impossible to break away from that attention seeking cycle where you find people that abandon any principles that they may have held dear, and effectively give in to the dictates of their audience from fear of losing favour with them.

        Ironically though, I get the feeling that overall the social networking fix has possibly been more good than bad. The poor parenting was there before the advent of social networking, so it’s not fair to say that parents are losing their influence on children because of it. But it has given bad parents a reason to pacify their guilt by believing that their kids just don’t have time for them any more because of this social networking disease, and those kids at least have an outlet that often does lead to a healthier self-esteem, if not at least a support structure that the family unit was incapable of providing.

  2. I really wish I didn’t know exactly what you mean *sigh*

    1. I pray that you will acquire the peace that I so desperately desire, insha-Allah. Ameen.

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