A seriously low self-esteem left me concerned that people were always looking at me and seeing how flawed and clumsy and stupid and awkward I was. My first wife made me realise that it wasn’t about them at all. It was about me indulging me. To hell with everyone else. I needed to spoil myself, spend on myself, and just appreciate myself because every day was a struggle, and I needed to reward myself for those struggles that I contended with and still managed to keep my head on straight and maintain my dignity and faith in the process.
So now I cherish moments when I can sit alone in a restaurant, enjoying a meal by myself, allowing my mind to wander, and turning the tables completely. Where I was the one that felt like I was being observed and mocked and ridiculed, I am now the one looking at others and seeing the tell-tale signs of their insecurities and vulnerabilities being lavishly disguised by fashion statements and obnoxious behaviour…and occasionally I see a couple or even an individual that literally warms me up inside when I witness what appears to be their sincere appreciation of life, or of each other on their faces. At times like that it feels like I’ve come full circle, finally ready to embrace another lifetime of beautiful challenges.