You know I love you. I love you so much. You’re the only source of hope and positivity in my life. Allah, I have learned so much about islam and You and myself because of this incredible pain that you’ve laid on my shoulders to test me. I used to feel angry at reading about how I’m supposed to be thankful for the tests you give me because I thought that they were too much. But then I saw what You mean. I saw how differently and how much more clearly I can see and appreciate my blessings after having gone through this agonizing pain. And so yes, I am thankful for having gone through it and I am honored that you think highly enough of me to test me with this incredible burden.
But Allah.. Please, take it away now. I cannot handle this burden anymore. I do not want to spend my days hoping to be able to cry because my agony is so deep that I can’t even do that anymore. I don’t want my “good days” to be so empty anymore.
I know, my Lord, that this life is temporary and fleeting and the End is what matters. I also know that my pain is nothing compared to what millions of others go/have gone through.. nothing compared to the struggles of the blessed Prophets. But I am weak, my Lord. I promise, I will try to make you proud. I know you know how hard I struggle with various things each day. Of course you know, you are the All-Knowing one.
But Allah, I need your blessings now. My Lord, I am honored to be a bearer of your tests but my strength is failing now. Please lift the burdens before I break. Please offer me some relief. Please ease the agonies of my soul. Please free me of my afflictions. Please, Lord, grant me some comfort.
I ask for your forgiveness for being so weak. And I hope that you will shower me with your Great Mercy, ya Ar-Rahman, even though I may not deserve it.
O one who loves me more than 70 mothers would, my Lord, dry my tears now. Heal my soul. Cure my illnesses. Ease my bodily pains. Ease my mental afflictions. Ease the aching of my shredded heart. Help me fill the holes inside. Grant me comfort. Because only You can. Ameen.
Letter to Allah.
agony, blackaurora, depression, despair, Islam, numb, pain, suicide