I seem to have lost any inclination to want to share my thoughts and instead have been preoccupied with sharing photos recently. I even changed my theme to place more emphasis on the pictures, but I know the new theme probably won’t last. My constant search for a theme that reflects what I want to present my digital world as is a reflection of the changing moods I go through constantly in my efforts to find my sweet spot in life.
It still eludes me. Very little is comforting, and I choke on my food far too often. Yet another indication of my impatience with life. I’m constantly agitated as if I need to be somewhere else doing something else even though the present moment is not always unpleasant. I’m afraid of getting settled in this single life that I’ve established for me. Only me. No one else plays in this space. Just me. But it seems like me is not enough so far, but I’m resisting the temptation to seek a companion because of this dis-ease that I feel.
I need to slow my thoughts down to a sprint. Right now they’re racing ahead at blistering speeds that rarely allows any of them to be fully formed before being replaced with another thought, not always from the same train either. Perhaps my focus on photography will encourage such a slowing of my pace. Maybe I’ll pause for long enough to absorb what beauty abounds, instead of always analysing, critiquing, and interpreting. I need to slow down. I’m burning out.