Having daughters has been quite a blessing and a struggle. My circumstances have caused a significant strain in my relationship with both of them, but that’s not due to any fault on their part. I’m forced to take my life more seriously since having them, and being inherently responsible (painfully so at times), it has made me considerably more introspective about life as well.
Everything I do is with them in mind. What will they think of me when I’m no longer around, or when they’re going through life’s challenges? Will they appreciate what little guidance I’ve tried to give them, or will they despise me for not having prepared them well enough for what lies ahead?
I wonder if I’ll be around to guide them through the hurdles of their painful teenage years, or through the early struggles of married life. Even if such guidance is simply to allow them to see my mistakes more clearly so that they don’t make the same ones.
Having them has changed me significantly. But I constantly feel as if I’m not doing enough for them. I guess that will be the sentiment expressed by most parents. I sometimes look around at other men and wonder if maybe they would have been better served by them. I guess I’m as insecure as any parent that has children.
But undoubtedly, I see both of them as a blessing and I pray that they don’t grow up feeling cursed or seeing themselves as burdens to society. My greatest fear is that they won’t be protected, guided, supported and respected as much as I would want them to be.