One of my greatest challenges in life has been to deal with loneliness and disappointment in a dignified manner. The urge to want to throw caution to the wind, be reckless and try to demand significance through uncharacteristic behaviour has always nagged me, but my deeply ingrained sense of restraint and control never allows it to happen.
I’m always terrified of acting in a way that will earn me ridicule. My sense of composure and my overall calm disposition belies the turmoil that stirs beneath the surface. I rarely lose my temper, and even when I do, it’s a decisive moment of sharp remarks intended to inflict maximum damage before I withdraw again and resume my normal demeanour. And often, when I’m tempted to let go and just express myself unreservedly, I quickly realise that my insignificance will make any tantrum laughable, and will probably not yield the results I hope for. And so I continue being measured and restrained enjoying nothing more than sharp wit and vicious sarcasm, often in a light hearted tone with people that rarely get the true undertones of the venom that I usually spit.
This has been a self indulgent post of hardly any truth at all.